Anirban657

How to stop playing the roles I play in life?

7 posts in this topic

I am 21 years old, starting an online business but I also play the role of a dependent son who is lazy and faint hearted. I live with my parents. My elder sister is very independent and hard working. I do it because I get what I want from my parents-love, basic needs, financial support, etc. But I am mostly doing it automatically unconsciously. 
How do I stop playing this role?


"Becoming 'awake' involves seeing our own confusion more clearly"-Rumi

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Keep asking these questions, consider taking the life purpose course because it addresses a lot of this material. 

Everyday is a chance for new insights and cosmic victory.

You can enter a new way of seeing reality

Also, IMO, there is an important distinction between a 'role' you play, and the unconscious habits you have and your systems for living.

Try reading "Code Of the Extraordinary Mind" by Vishen Lahkiani! 


"Now here's the Sun and it's alright, Now here's the Moon and It's alright..But every-time you close your eyes... Lies" -Arcade Fire Rebellion

Personal Growth Vlog - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzVkdPNRrNT7SN1aoco2MdA

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Well, keep in mind there is nothing wrong with a role. A mother is a role. A teacher is a role. A soldier is a role. Every role has its own nuances and codes of behavior, and within them, there are standards for how to perform that role well or poorly. We can all pick a "bad" mom apart from a "good" mom, for example. All of our modern world's successes have come from people playing their roles well. Engineers, doctors, firefighters, researchers... all of these fields are just roles that we have set standards within. 

So the real question is not how to avoid roles, but how to realize that you are not identical to a role. If you are a mom and your child dies, you do not stop being what you are. You simply stop being the role of a mom. The easiest way to do this is to look at the continually shifting boundaries of what you consider yourself to be. As a newborn, you didn't have any labels for yourself. As a young child, you were taught you could become anything.

Stay with the sense of being somebody who could become anything. That is all you need to play the roles when they're right, and to drop them if they're not. 

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10 hours ago, Anirban657 said:

I am 21 years old, starting an online business but I also play the role of a dependent son who is lazy and faint hearted. I live with my parents. My elder sister is very independent and hard working. I do it because I get what I want from my parents-love, basic needs, financial support, etc. But I am mostly doing it automatically unconsciously. 
How do I stop playing this role?

This video might be of benefit with regards to explaining the dependence on your parents:

 

In my personal experience, leaving the parental home to find your own way forces you to develop qualities (e.g. self-reliance) that, i think, outweigh the benefits you get at home with your parents (e.g. financial/your chores done for you). 

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17 hours ago, Anirban657 said:

How do I stop playing this role?

I was in this role for quite a long time so I am familiar with it. Maybe it's a strategic place to be for now, but your general trajectory you'd probably agree is to be independent in the future yes?

You mentioned it's an automatic/unconscious process, good. That means you're at least aware it's happening! Of course something ingrained in you like this isn't a behavior you can change on the drop of a dime. Find ways to slowly integrate new paths of independence in your life, so you can rewire your mind and prove to yourself that an alternative is possible. You may intellectually know that you could be totally independent and not be "playing this role", but until you're shown moments where it's actually happening for you it will remain intellectual.

I don't know your exact circumstances, but a small example of what I'm talking about is taking direct responsibility for something you'd have to do for yourself if you weren't with your parents. Like shopping for your own groceries. It may seem stupid or insignificant but it's those kind of conscious steps you take that "shed the role".

Brainstorm some things you think you could do that directly attack that role. 


"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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