Preety_India

Feeling Ashamed of myself and unworthy

29 posts in this topic

11 hours ago, nuwu said:

Shame is merely a map to the amount of reputation we hold as monke. You are doing God's work simply for existing. Your mother cared about you but were entangled with fears for the survival of the family and herself, her opinion on you can not be reduced to a single idea.

Imagine taking a blood test and being hurt by the needle. Your mind accepts and expects this event to be a "good" thing for you, even though there is suffering. But somehow, other experiences are bad and unwanted? What if the polarity of judgement within all experiences are fiction of the mind, and it's all really just "Absolute Good" as Leo put it? (I don't know personally, I'm just parroting positive thoughts)

(accidentally pressed ctrl+enter while typing, sorry about this :|)

Thank you for that perspective.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. The devil loves me a bit too much. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Hulia said:

@Preety_India You have been born not for amusement of your mother, father, your boy friends or somebody else. There is no uselessness or usefullness in your birth or in some other birth. You have been born to live, to breathe and to feel - everything you are feeling also that.

This is a fresh perspective. Thank you. Very helpful.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. The devil loves me a bit too much. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Nahm said:

Feeling ashamed is how mom thinks. 

The very instant mom acknowledges mom is thinking ashamed, mom’s got a foot on the path. 

Inevitably, the cyclical spell is broken. 

A dam is no more. 

“...oh babe, of course mother’s gonna help build the wall.”

- PF

Thank you.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. The devil loves me a bit too much. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/15/2021 at 0:29 AM, Preety_India said:

She used to constantly tell me how she wished I wasn't born.

She used to keep repeating this almost regularly. It started to make feel empty and unwanted.

I feel like I'm sick of myself. 

I constantly feel like my birth was a huge mistake 

I don't know how to get over it..

I'm very sorry. Nobody deserves to hear that, but there is a perspectival logic you can attain that "pulls the rug" out from under these kinds of statements and makes them look like the hollow bullshit they are.............

You exist! Regardless of whatever she (or anyone) feels about it. You are here as a living breathing thing. No statement from her, or feelings you have as a reaction impedes the "is-ing" that is happening. Get in touch with and appreciate that. How unique and powerful it is.

Once you start to feel that you will notice how her words are just hollowness. And that your feelings of emptiness, unworthiness, and regret aren't actually "truth" either.

What is true is that you are.

This is a healthy detachment that will help you get "over" it :)

 


"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you have a place of your own, it sounds to me like you need to get some distance from your mother and live your own life for a while. 


“Nowhere is it writ that anthropoid apes should understand reality.” - Terence McKenna

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As I got older and wiser, i.realized that 90% of the people I know and love are fuckign dumbasses. Don’t allow dumbasses to live rent free in your head or give credence to their opinions of you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel you. What you are experiencing is a very deep emotion that cannot be altered by any logic reasoning. 

People like us felt this kind of depressing emotion for a huge chunk of our childhoods, and so this emotion has been deeply embedded within ourselves. Basically there is no fast remedy. I don't think there is a quick way to get rid of this emotion. Rather, I think we should find some time each week to be alone and feel into this emotion very deeply. Sort of just let yourself feel sad and deep into the emotion.

Following some of the logical suggestions here, like you are not defined by your mom, doesn't fully resolve the situation, although it does help. I personally think the only way is to be able to formulate a very strong love towards something to combat the negativity. And don't try to pursue divine love directly, that is just not possible. Find love towards something like a hobby, a group of friends like yourself, or a boyfriend. Something that can distract yourself from your current unhappy emotions. Then try to build upon those new emotions and improve your love towards for example one of your close friends. Make your relationships or your work more meaningful. Only by obtaining a much stronger love can you defeat the old hatred.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Preety_India I'm sorry to hear about your problem. You're not unworthy.
I wish I could help, but unfortunately I can't. I lack the ability.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   - Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   - Chris Colfer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now