Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

Vindication

You'll see.  One day I will be vindicated.  I look crazy now but you wait.  This trauma is temporary, I know the experiences I've witnessed.  I can't be entirely mad.  One day I'll be vindicated.  One day I'll heal.  I know the love in my heart. 

It's in proximity, my whole body can feel it.  It ripples through my whole body. I can taste it. I'm going to chase that mofo down.  I had a vision.  The vision was that I would have vindication quickly and swiftly.  It would sweep me up suddenly.  It would come knocking violently on my door.  I won't know what hit me.  Like so many times before. 

Edited November 13, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Here Be Dragons 

I need to be very careful in how I apply my focus as I could fall into delusions if I'm not careful.  Only focusing on source and prayer and gentleness and asking for forgiveness.  Forget Kali, about vindication, and whatever else I have on my mind.  It could lead to delusion if I'm not careful.  I have to cut it off and only focus on source.  No more.  Nope.  I have Schizoaffective Disorder.  I have to remind myself of that. 

 

Edited November 13, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Sexual energy

Sexual energy acts as right positioning/ right action.  It activates the smoke.  I was flirting with some guy the other day before that mystical experience.  I couldn't stop smiling at him and it was clear I was into him.  Right after that, there was a powerful mystical experience.  I've been listening to weird/smutty playlists on youtube for several hours and it activated the smoke.  

I'll focus on activating the smoke for healing and source and prayer. 

Edited November 13, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Twin flames

I've had two deep experiences with twin flames that can't solely be chalked up to a 'smoke' experience alone.  With one of them being my best friend.  I believe you can have many twin flames.  In both instances, the smoke was profoundly present,  as if my gift were tied to them somehow.  "She will raise the collective as she rises to her beloved".  She rises to her beloved on more than one level, on multiple levels, the smoke, her twin flame, and source.  Twin flames are there to guide each other toward higher and higher growth and expansion.  Their presence alone can trigger this.  When there is a premature separation or imbalance, it is felt on all levels of the most sensitive twin's being. 

 

 

Edited November 14, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

My value 

When I pray and commune with the source, my heart opens and knows the truth, that each creature is a beautiful manifestation of the divine.  Sometimes my mind becomes clouded by darkness and I lose sight of that truth almost completely and totally.  I have endless value in the eyes of the source. 

(I called myself worthless earlier)

Edited November 14, 2022 by Proserpina

[Marten98]

@Proserpina where did Bentinho say this?."  A bit like what Bentinho talks about how if you don’t keep up once you reach a certain level you can become very unwell or die" it resonates and Id love to know more

On 3.10.2022 at 9:07 PM, Proserpina said:

@Loba Awesome!  I also tried that route but unfortunately it didn’t work out for me.  Speaking can be quite intimidating and my health kinda stops me from processing what I wish to say quickly, as well as my personality - to not form opinions quickly - stunts my capacity to make videos. You don’t appear crazy at all to me.  Passionate and focused, definitely not crazy.  I became unwell around the time I failed to follow my true path.  I took a wrong turn for the sake of money and my spirit could not tolerate it.  A bit like what Bentinho talks about how if you don’t keep up once you reach a certain level you can become very unwell or die.

 

 

[Proserpina]

@Marten98 It was years ago that I listened to that video, so I'm not sure. Sorry. 

[Proserpina]

Joseph typed me as an INFP.

 

 

 

[thisintegrated]

8 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Joseph typed me as an INFP.

Wait, he can't, cause I typed you INFP?

Easiest typing I've ever done.

[Proserpina]

3 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

Wait, he can't, cause I typed you INFP?

Easiest typing I've ever done.

Corroboration is good. What do you think my dominant enneagram is?

[thisintegrated]

2 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Corroboration is good. What do you think my dominant enneagram is?

9

[Proserpina]

Just now, thisintegrated said:

9

That's been my thinking as well.  Give me your best stab at a tritype for me.  

[Tyler Robinson]

What does anyone guess my Enneagram is?

 

[thisintegrated]

1 minute ago, Proserpina said:

That's been my thinking as well.  Give me your best stab at a tritype for me.  

926

Here's every variation for you:

 

Good Samaritan

• 269:  Passive Helper. Helpful, mellow, passive and shy. Get along with others, avoid confrontation, can struggle with indecision and insecurity.
• 296:  Charity Worker. Peaceful, helpful and unassuming. Quiet assistance, try to stay positive, fear negativity.
• 629:  Supporter. Anxious, phobic but congenial and group oriented. Likes to bridge differences, and secure group harmony.
• 692:  Pacifist. Passive, submissive and helpful in exchange for safety and security. Conflict averse.
• 926:  Peacemaker. Helping others, cautious, gentle and nurturing. Establish issues and work to find peaceful solutions.
• 962:  Anxious Friend. Anxiety mixed with need to help others. Lack of clear self identity, insecurity solved by being of help.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

@thisintegrated you forgot to type my Enneagram. 

[thisintegrated]

1 minute ago, Tyler Robinson said:

What does @thisintegrated guess my Enneagram is?

469 or 496.  More likely 469.

Seeker
469:  Anxious Individualist. Highly intuitive, dutiful, but full of doubt. Want to be different and authentic whilst feeling shame about that difference.
496:  Truth Seeker. Emotive, deep feeling, truth seeker. Push and pull between individualism and merging with the crowd.
649:  Doubter. Emotional, uncertain, will seek multiple sources of confirmation before making a decision. Will not disclose own opinion unless triggered by anger.
694:  Peace Seeker. Hidden, inhibited, peace loving. Afraid of making a mistake, afraid of revealing an opinion.
946:  Avoider. Intuitive, inquisitive but highly anxious. Will seek to deflect attention whilst wanting to stand out as an individual.
964:  Indecisive. Avoid conflict by not seeking or expressing opinion. Plagued by indecision, try to ignore conflict in hope it will go away.

[Proserpina]

@thisintegrated What do you think the order of my instinctual variants are? 

[Tyler Robinson]

3 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

469 or 496.  More likely 469.

Seeker
469:  Anxious Individualist. Highly intuitive, dutiful, but full of doubt. Want to be different and authentic whilst feeling shame about that difference.
496:  Truth Seeker. Emotive, deep feeling, truth seeker. Push and pull between individualism and merging with the crowd.
649:  Doubter. Emotional, uncertain, will seek multiple sources of confirmation before making a decision. Will not disclose own opinion unless triggered by anger.
694:  Peace Seeker. Hidden, inhibited, peace loving. Afraid of making a mistake, afraid of revealing an opinion.
946:  Avoider. Intuitive, inquisitive but highly anxious. Will seek to deflect attention whilst wanting to stand out as an individual.
964:  Indecisive. Avoid conflict by not seeking or expressing opinion. Plagued by indecision, try to ignore conflict in hope it will go away.

Oki someone I know has Enneagram type 2 and is typed as 827.

How will you describe an 827? 

 

[thisintegrated]

8 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

@thisintegrated What do you think the order of my instinctual variants are? 

so/sp

 

Just now, Tyler Robinson said:

Whats the order of my instinctual variants? 

so/sp

 

4 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Oki someone I know has Enneagram type 2 and is typed as 827.

How will you describe an 827? 

827:  Humanitarian. Leadership with light touch and sensitivity to others. Positive, upbeat and helpful, but with some arrogance.

But the first number is most important.  If they're mostly a 2, they're not gonna be an 827.  More likely:

278:  Encourager. Independent and outgoing. Likes to help others, but follows own muse, not a pushover.
287:  Role Model. Assertive, positive and honest. Aims to help others to be more self reliant.

Edited November 15, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Tyler Robinson]

2 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

so/sp

Whats the order of my instinctual variants?