Raptorsin7

Does Success Hurt Woman's Dating Chances

521 posts in this topic

4 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

But I’m self sufficient, independent and have my own skill sets. 

Are you financially self sufficient?

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Just now, Raptorsin7 said:

Are you financially self sufficient?

Yes of course, I have a job. Worked pretty much since leaving school and live in another country. 


How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I don't think a woman's greatest fear is not getting a man, as many men would like to believe, I think its being stuck in a bad marriage or being a single mother without a job or income and having the responsibility of feeding children. 

Exactly 


How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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Posted (edited)

18 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Would you be content being single and successful and not having a family?

I still want to have family, just not in the traditional sense that you are saying.  I don’t care about getting married. 
If I ended up single and successful I know I would end up meeting someone eventually, so I’m not worried about that. 
i would rather be single and successful, than dependant and married 

Edited by intotheblack

How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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Posted (edited)

I have seen very few women who are actually happy being single and unprotected and on their own and so-called 'independent'. Most of them who try to put on a facade of 'I'm strong, happy, independent, I don't need a man' are not really happy, they're coming from a space of bitterness in relationships. It's always some relationship in the past that didn't go so well and now they're like 'Look at how strong and independent I am!! No man has the power to protect me. No man has the ability to attain me because I'm too good of a catch!!' Lol. Big lol. You're not a catch in any sense of the term! It's a massive delusion. No self-respecting adult man wants a bitter woman who competes with him.

It's not the success that hurts your dating chances. It's more so the way you use it in your dating-life. If you use it to bring in people into your endeavors and give them roles, you'll do really well in dating! Men love that. If you use it to show how 'strong and independent' you are, which is the opposite of giving people roles in your endeavors because you can 'do it all', nothing repels a man more than that. You will attract 'Peter Pan man-children' though who will want you to 'do it all' for them! Have fun with those.

Edited by Parththakkar12

"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." - Bruce Lee

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31 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

If I ended up single and successful I know I would end up meeting someone eventually

How do you know this?

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1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

How do you know this?

Well nothing is certain of course.  
anyway the chances of a marriage lasting a lifetime is low... so the woman would still end up in a situation of being older and single.  Better to be able to support yourself should that happen. 


How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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5 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

I have seen very few women who are actually happy being single and unprotected and on their own and so-called 'independent'. Most of them who try to put on a facade of 'I'm strong, happy, independent, I don't need a man' are not really happy, they're coming from a space of bitterness in relationships. It's always some relationship in the past that didn't go so well and now they're like 'Look at how strong and independent I am!! No man has the power to protect me. No man has the ability to attain me because I'm too good of a catch!!' Lol. Big lol. You're not a catch in any sense of the term! It's a massive delusion. No self-respecting adult man wants a bitter woman who competes with him.

I’ll take the other option: being independent whilst also having a strong man to grow with and stimulate me emotionally. 
This is my my current relationship status. 
 


How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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19 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

I have seen very few women who are actually happy being single and unprotected and on their own and so-called 'independent'. Most of them who try to put on a facade of 'I'm strong, happy, independent, I don't need a man' are not really happy, they're coming from a space of bitterness in relationships. It's always some relationship in the past that didn't go so well and now they're like 'Look at how strong and independent I am!! No man has the power to protect me. No man has the ability to attain me because I'm too good of a catch!!' Lol. Big lol. You're not a catch in any sense of the term! It's a massive delusion. No self-respecting adult man wants a bitter woman who competes with him.

It's not the success that hurts your dating chances. It's more so the way you use it in your dating-life. If you use it to bring in people into your endeavors and give them roles, you'll do really well in dating! Men love that. If you use it to show how 'strong and independent' you are, which is the opposite of giving people roles in your endeavors because you can 'do it all', nothing repels a man more than that. You will attract 'Peter Pan man-children' though who will want you to 'do it all' for them! Have fun with those.

This post reminds me of the words - tears are better with some cash in the bank. 

 


INTP loner..... Live a Roman.  Die a Roman...... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. (I'm more Roman than you'll ever be ) only guys with zero ego and zero passive aggressive can talk to me, rest need not bother 

Preety preety

 

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20 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

single and unprotected and on their own and so-called 'independent'. Most of them who try to put on a facade of 'I'm strong, happy, independent, I don't need a man' are not really happy, they're coming from a space of bitterness in relationships. It's always some relationship in the past that didn't go so well and now they're like 'Look at how strong and independent I am!! No man has the power to protect me.

Of course! Everyone who gets hurt has this attitude! Men included. It’s not that they don’t want a man. It’s that it’s hard to find a high quality and mature man who shares their values.  So it’s better to be single than waste time with incompatible ppl 


How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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9 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

Of course! Everyone who gets hurt has this attitude! Men included. It’s not that they don’t want a man. It’s that it’s hard to find a high quality and mature man who shares their values.  So it’s better to be single than waste time with incompatible ppl 

Exactly. Also I think that high quality tend to focus on what makes a woman truly happy rather than make a bunch of assumptions because it fits their worldview. 

 


INTP loner..... Live a Roman.  Die a Roman...... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. (I'm more Roman than you'll ever be ) only guys with zero ego and zero passive aggressive can talk to me, rest need not bother 

Preety preety

 

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Posted (edited)

25 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

Of course! Everyone who gets hurt has this attitude! Men included. It’s not that they don’t want a man. It’s that it’s hard to find a high quality and mature man who shares their values.  So it’s better to be single than waste time with incompatible ppl 

Here's what I'd ask someone who says this - Do you know, on an explicit level, the kind of role you'd have for a man in your life? What does 'high-quality and mature' actually mean? In a tangible, practical sense. This is crucial for being able to see the very real possibilities with very real men. Men who you wouldn't consider in one context but who would do very well in another context. This can literally change who you're attracted to!

The reason I say this is that a lot of times when you ask them, they'll say something like 'Umm, ya know... I just want a really nice guy, who makes me feel safe, and secure, and protected, who makes me feel connected to him...' Yeah. A little more tangible than that please! What does it actually mean to you to feel 'safe, secure and protected'? What makes you feel safe? Does your strategy to create safety for yourself in relationship involve him or not? Is he on your team in that or is he the one you're protecting yourself against? This shit matters!

Edited by Parththakkar12

"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." - Bruce Lee

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2 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

What does 'high-quality and mature' actually mean?

And what does that mean in your worldview?

 


INTP loner..... Live a Roman.  Die a Roman...... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. (I'm more Roman than you'll ever be ) only guys with zero ego and zero passive aggressive can talk to me, rest need not bother 

Preety preety

 

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@Raptorsin7  If it's just about income and education; I don't care that much about either, in the sense that it's never bothered me if I was with a man who was not as successful as I was. As long as we had enough to be comfortable between us. At least, it's never factored into my decision-making in the past. When I was younger, I actively did not date educated guys; both of my parents were highly educated in the traditional sense. If I had to pick between someone who had natural curiosity and drive and someone whose ways of thinking were formed excessively by being in institutions and being told how to think (e.g. academia), I was drawn toward the former always. Like someone who reads and can has a knack and intuition for thinking and making sense of things well on their own, that's highly attractive.

I don't associate high-earning potential with masculinity that much, actually. Nor does the thought of my partner working with or even possibly for me seem particularly weird.

I have to feel a sense of emotional safety/ groundedness. I have to enjoy talking to the person, and there needs to be a sort of sexual-emotional attraction... otherwise I'm not going to want to have sex or continue to talk with the person, or to be around them recreationally. Pretty straightforward. For me, attraction comes from your core sense of who you are, some people are naturally more magnetic and have more presence for this reason; I tend to think of the other stuff as extra that you layer on top of that almost like clothes.

If someone is successful for doing highly meaningful or influential work, that can be highly attractive, for sure. It's the kind of thing that makes people more interesting to be around (although it doesn't necessarily make them easier or more pleasant to deal with; it depends on the person, really).

But for what it's worth, my dad was technically a stay-at-home-dad and my parents had a good relationship with each other, just not with me and my brother particularly. It's never seemed weird to me although growing up; definitely, other people made me aware that it was a bit weird.

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Posted (edited)

12 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

What does 'high-quality and mature' actually mean? In a tangible, practical sense.

To name a few things High emotional intelligence, empathy, integrity, independent, self sufficient,  honest 

 

basically not behaving from the childhood/teenager paradigm 

Edited by intotheblack

How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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1 minute ago, intotheblack said:

To name a few things High emotional intelligence, empathy, integrity, independent, self sufficient,  honest 

All of that is good and fine on paper. Anyone can say they are these things. What actually matters, though, is the standards you use in real life to judge whether he is high-quality and mature. Those are the practical ones! What are those?


"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." - Bruce Lee

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@intotheblack @Parththakkar12 the discussion between both of you reminds me of a dog chasing its tail. 

 

 


INTP loner..... Live a Roman.  Die a Roman...... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. (I'm more Roman than you'll ever be ) only guys with zero ego and zero passive aggressive can talk to me, rest need not bother 

Preety preety

 

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Parththakkar12 said:

What actually matters, though, is the standards you use in real life to judge whether he is high-quality and mature. Those are the practical ones! What are those?

I dunno dude, it’s a feeling ! Intuition.  Do I feel bad around them or do I feel safe in their presence.  It also helps to have some experience and be a good judge of character.  Of course you may also have a bad feeling but still act on it anyway.  So I guess it comes down to learning how to read people and also being able to read your own emotions. 
the times when I was younger and got hurt for whatever reason, I did have a bad feeling the whole time, but I was naive and ignored the feeling.

Edited by intotheblack

How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

the discussion between both of you reminds me of a dog chasing its tail. 

 

Hehe 


How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

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