28 cm unbuffed

Relationship with mother

12 posts in this topic

Hello folks! 

I'm sure most of you are already aware of how our parents' relationship affects our adult life and our relationships with women. I realized that in my own life, not that long ago. 

In my case, the story is that my father was an alcoholic, and my mother left him when I was like 4-5 years old. After that I was raised only by my mother, she wasn't a saint either, more like narcissistic and even psychopathic sometimes. That led to me having extremely low self-esteem, money and relationship problems, and all of that other juicy stuff. 

I really tried tons of things, but I heard that to fix your problems you gotta fix your relationship with mother, it doesn't really matter if that's personal or if that person is even alive, it's all on an emotional level, it's just biology and it's about fixing that "mother part of yourself", your DNA, whatever you want to call it.

Did any of you guys have a problem like that, or deal with something similar in their own life? I'm tired of all of that stuff already and I really want to move on with my life already, meet with women, earn lots of money, travel the world, and stuff, and I somehow feel blocked in that manner (which doesn't mean, that I don't work hard every day to get these things). I know this relationship affects me mostly on the subconscious and emotional level, that's why it would be the approach that I would love to hear from you the most.

Every single piece of advice is something really valuable to me and I am really thankful for all of your help.

Much love! 

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Just have a professional relationship with her. Help her when she needs help. 

That's all. Don't look for a reconciliation. 

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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2 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Preety_India

I don't, all I'm doing right now is talking to her when I really have to (which thankfully I don't).

Just like I said, what I'm looking for is reconciliation with myself and my own emotions.

Don't have hate for her and simply move on 

Be proud of who you're. 

Accept life and let it go. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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@28 cm unbuffed My mother was more or less a coping borderline. She did what she knew best, we all do, sometimes that's not good enough and we get angry and frustrated because of that which is fine its important to process our feelings including doing so through the lens of helping us establish what was right about our upbringing and what was wrong about it so we can better orient ourselves towards good value generation. It's very important to get to the level of consciousness and well being where you're able to discriminate between and distinguish at the level of felt experience and conceptual experience concerning our past. For the former, we have emotional identification to processing to conscious shifting and generation. For the latter we slowly educate ourselves on subjects from child psychology and therefore identifying what we missed out on to both our own and our parents psychology so that we can accurately generate more creative answers and subsequent responses to our autobiographical history there.

Otherwise, something which will be good for both nervous system recovery and emotional processing. All the best mate feel free to ask questions, just follow the trail of links.

 

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To let go of our parents is really tough nowadays but it really has to be done, one can only become an individual after doing it.

Since we have to depend on our parents to survive until adulthood, this causes you to value them above you, and to seek their aproval constantly so that they wont stop feeding you.

This is not always a problem, but when the parent figure is of a tyranical nature and emotionally unstable, you will adapt to it, becoming always anxious and fearful since you never know what might happen next, one day your mother might be happy and cheerfull and the next day she might be randomly wanting to beat you up and scream at you for no apparent reason, and since your degree of self love is generally proportional to the degree your parents love you, this will mess you up and you will always be trying to be loved by her.

There is also the fact that the parent figure can become a filter between you and the world, you think with "her head" and "her opinions" because you are afraid of using your own and failing. An example of this would be a mother telling her fairly young son that he should be an engineer unless he wants to be a failure, this will be programed into his mind for the rest of his life if he doesnt become conscious of it, and there are dozens or even hundreds programs like this on each of us.

The way out is really to live like your parents have died, symbolically. Understand that your mother is just a person no more valuable than you and doesnt know more than you, understand also that her approval means nothing and that your life is yours to decide, this will be very hard because you will be afraid to do it, but it is the way out. Trying to fix the relationship will not work, we cant control other people, they are as they are, we can only control how we react to it, after fixing the problem inside you the relationship will be fixed and there wont be a problem anymore.

Also practice a lot of self love, try to look at yourself from your perspective and not from the perspective of others, create your own criteria and opinions, really take some time to look yourself in the mirror and love yourself, and all the feelings that arise, after all, you are all you have if you don't love yourself first no one will love you.

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@28 cm unbuffed It's not about the relationship with your physical mother of today. It's the relationship with the copy of the parent that we keep in our head, a result of imprinting, that still runs our lives.

That is what needs to be transformed.

After I did Primal Therapy, I felt like I was truly separated from my parents, none of their emotional baggage was mine anymore, and I was a grown-up like I never thought possible. The relationship with my live parents is better than ever. My shadow parents in my head are dead. My self esteem is fixed. My confidence is transformed. I attract amazing people like never before.

Puja Lepp is the one who helped me. I can't recommend her enough. She has a website. But there are other good primal therapists.


Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

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@Origins @Crane Bahnsteik @flowboy @Preety_India

Thank you guys, these are all really great answers.

 

What I'm working on right now is to become as independent as possible, I'm making my own decisions, I want to start my own business, all of these are going great.

This question came to me because when I asked someone on another forum about some of my body illnesses (like lower-back pain, dandruff, basically root chakra stuff if you dig that approach), I heard that all of these are about "fixing my roots" and it's probably some kind of pattern in my family that is stopping me and is moving back over and over again.

 

Two things, that I've got from there: 

1. "Mother is the most important woman in your life. You will ALWAYS look back at her before choosing your life partner. Your mother blockage is blocking you from other women"

2. "Your body is telling you, that you didn't finish the roots. Go back and speak with your parents" (metaphorically of course).

 

I looked everywhere, tried everything and this is what I've got after looking into Total Biology (it seems kinda new-agey, but it makes sense). 

Edited by 28 cm unbuffed

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@flowboy

Can you recommend anything, I can start doing on my own? I'm pretty broke right now and, as I mentioned - it's a vicious circle, until I fix this, there will be money, women, problems occurring still, according to the theory, and I don't want to wait, I'm sick and tired of all of this..

Thank you in advance!

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@flowboy

Ok, so, from what I've seen, I'm doing something similar, it's called emotional catharsis, I did it a lot of times already and it freed a lot of lust and anger from my body. You basically over ventilate yourself (something similar to Wim Hof Breathing) and then just go bananas. Is this somehow similar to primal therapy?

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@28 cm unbuffed  Primal therapy is a large field, and during the retreat I did, we did a lot of different exercises, it's a carefully crafted journey... But this (catharsis) is one of them, and it's a good one to do.

I can also provide you with some Spotify playlists that help with that in PM if you're interested


Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

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