Let's Get Practical #3: Raising Self-Esteem

[Raphael]

12/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• hide
• shutdown
• isolate
• watch porn
• watch dumb youtube videos
• compulsively scroll through the actualized.org forum
• feel paralyzed

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• feel my heart rate increasing
• hide it and it gets transformed into sadness
• isolate
• don't share
• don't want to show it
• don't want to experience it

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean to people
• want to do things fast
• lack common sense
• don't want to listen to anyone
• make mistakes
• repress it

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• experience it fully
• scream in a pillow
• to breath deeply
• allow myself to be vulnerable
• feel it
• try to understand its source

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• open about it to people
• feel it
• cry
• allow myself to be vulnerable
• forgive
• acknowledge it

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• shout it out
• scream in a pillow
• speak about it with people
• breath deeply
• do breathwork
• accept it

[Raphael]

13/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• am paralyzed
• lose the capacity to work properly
• feel burning sensations in my body
• procrastinate
• watch dumb videos on Youtube
• compulsively click on the internet

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• hide
• close myself
• isolate
• don't share
• become less authentic
• don't want to show myself

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean
• repress it
• don't want to show it
• try to do things fast
• isolate
• stress

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• shake my body
• feel it
• let myself be fearful
• breath deeply
• observe it carefully

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• talk about it
• feel it
• cry
• write about it
• observe it
• experience it

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• to punch in a pillow
• talk about it
• write about it
• run
• shake my body
• play some violent video game

[Raphael]

14/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• want to go fast
• am less focused
• feel some burning sensations in my body
• over-dramatize things
• click around on the internet
• feel paralyzed

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• try to hide it
• refuse to feel it
• am ashamed of feeling it
• entertain sadness
• feel it in my chest
• minimize it

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean
• hide
• have difficulties to work
• repress it
• don't know what to do
• fake being ok

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• talk about it
• write about it
• scream in a pillow
• feel it
• observe it carefully
• breath deeply

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• feel it
• cry
• write about it
• open myself to people
• seek help
• accept it
• understand it
• breath deeply

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• punch in a pillow
• try to find the source of repressed anger
• run as fast as I can
• dance
• write about it
• feel it in my body
• breath deeply

[Raphael]

15/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• feel burning sensations in my body
• lose my capacities
• get paralyzed
• hide
• try to go too fast
• lose my focus
• don't want to work

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• feel sensations in my chest
• try to hide it
• try to avoid it
• isolate
• close myself
• repress my pain

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean
• lose my ability to work
• try to hide it
• become irresponsible
• don't want to show myself
• don't want to show it

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• feel it
• observe it
• analyze it
• confront it
• scream in a pillow
• breath deeply

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• cry
• scream in a pillow
• analyze it
• breath deeply
• try to find its source
• understand how it is created

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• run
• punch in a pillow
• understand how it is created
• feel it deeply
• breath deeply

[Raphael]

16/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• procrastinate
• avoid challenges
• become paralyzed
• lose my focus
• have difficulties to work
• become agitated
• stress

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• feel painful sensation in my body
• have difficulties to do what I want to do
• isolate
• hide
• cut people brutally
• refuse to change

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean
• want to punch someone
• repress my anger
• don't show it
• want to do things fast
• hide

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• confront the fear
• feel it
• analyze it
• breath deeply
• let it go
• relax my body

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• cry
• scream
• write about it
• talk about it
• feel it
• accept it

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• punch a pillow
• run as fast as I can
• to understand its source
• to cut its source
• breath as deep as I can

[Raphael]

17/07/2021 (Week 25)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• observe myself carefully
• accept that this is OK to feel how I feel
• express how I feel in a healthy way
• search for a solution for my difficulties
• search for the source of my difficulties
• slow down my pace

[Raphael]

18/07/2021 (Week 25)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• practice mindfulness as much as I can
• observe myself carefully
• scream more
• breath deeply and slowly more
• slow down
• focus on the moment
• find the source of my pain
• resolve the source of my pain

[Raphael]

19/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• have a big smile
• feel like a kid
• want to jump
• want to share
• talk to people
• feel more social

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• dream about having a partner
• watch porn
• dream of sex
• cannot work properly
• cannot sleep properly
• I feel that my needs aren't covered

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• I try to hide them
• am a bit ashamed of them
• become shy
• would like to be more authentic about them
• am afraid of sharing them
• have difficulties handling them

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I'll share my excitement with people
• I'll let the kid inside me being excited
• I'll let my face show its excitement
• I'll admit having strong emotions
• I'll become more authentic
• I'll share my happiness around me

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I'll be more in touch with my sexuality
• I'll be more open about my sexuality
• I'll be more sexual
• I'll try to find a girlfriend
• I'll see myself as worthy of having sexual intercourse
• I'll be more comfortable
• I'll be more authentic

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I understand that I need to self-express
• I understand that I need to find healthy ways to express difficult emotions
• I see that I can become much more social just by sharing my emotions
• I understand my emotions better
• I'll be more in touch with my emotions
• I'll become more authentic

[Raphael]

1 hour ago, flume said:

It's actually impressive that you're still doing this. So cool. How are you feeling so far?

Thanks

The exercise is working, I definitely have more self-esteem compared to when I started. I also started to work on my traumas and it helped in this area. However, one thing that I didn't do enough is challenging myself more by doing things that I'm not comfortable with. I'm sure I'll get some self-esteem boost that way and I'm sure that you noticed that too.

 

[Raphael]

21 hours ago, flume said:

 I thought I have to fix my self esteem in order to do the things I really want. But actually, doing the things I really want is what's "fixing" my self esteem. Hope that makes sense.

Makes perfect sense! But I think that doing exercises such as this one can be the first step before taking action. Sometimes going directly for the action can be a bit too difficult therefore a bit of positive psychology and mental de-conditioning is important.

[Raphael]

20/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• want to jump
• want to share joy
• laugh for no reason
• want to talk
• would like to share my thoughts with people
• become more open

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• want to fuck
• want to masturbate
• want to watch porn
• think about having a partner
• cannot work
• cannot sleep

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• tend to hide them
• have difficulties managing them
• want to share them
• want to meet people that can understand me
• don't know what to do
• observe myself curiously

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I'll share more my excitement
• I'll show my excitement
• I'll write about my excitement
• I'll talk about my excitement
• I'll let myself being excited
• I'll be more in touch with myself
• I'll be more authentic

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I'll accept having sexual needs
• I'll be more comfortable with my sexuality
• I'll be more open about my sexuality
• I won't be ashamed of my sexuality
• I'll be more authentic
• I'll be more authentically sexual

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I understand that my emotions are OK
• I start to express more
• I understand myself better
• I feel more authentic by expressing my emotions
• I become more honest with myself
• I understand my emotions better
• I accept to experience my emotions

[Raphael]

21/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• smile a lot
• want to share it with people
• want to show it
• feel like a kid
• want to run around like a kid
• don't want people to see it
• am ashamed of it

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• have sexual thoughts
• want to watch porn
• want to masturbate
• have difficulties staying calm
• want to fuck
• think about having a partner

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• have difficulties communicating them
• am a bit uncomfortable
• don't know what to do
• feel paralyzed
• feel agitated
• feel the need to express them

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I'll be more in touch with myself
• I'll share more my excitement
• I'll allow myself to be excited
• I'll feel happier by myself
• I'll become more joyful
• people would appreciate me more

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I'll be more comfortable talking about my sexuality
• I'll be OK with having sexual needs
• I'll be more sexually open
• I'll recognize my difficulties regarding sexuality
• I'll be more attractive to the opposite sex
• I'll be more authentic

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I understand that self-expression is healthy
• I understand my emotions better
• I'm improving my emotional mastery
• I'm becoming more authentic
• my emotions are working more and more for me
• I'm becoming more emotionally open
• I'm becoming more human

[Raphael]

22/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• feel like a kid
• laugh
• smile
• want to share my excitement
• want to be with people
• want to open up

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• think about porn
• want to masturbate
• want to fuck
• am agitated
• have difficulties to work
• have difficulties to sleep

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• am uncomfortable with them
• tend to hide them
• become paralyzed
• feel different
• don't know what to do with them
• I feel agitated

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I would become more authentic
• I would understand how to handle my excitement
• I would share my excitement
• I would accept my excitement
• I would talk about my excitement
• I would write about my excitement
• I would let myself be excitement
• I would let myself laugh

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I would be more in touch with my sexuality
• I would be more sexually open
• I would accept having sexual needs
• I would be more authentic
• I would like myself more
• I would be more natural

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I'm becoming more comfortable in expressing my emotions
• I'm becoming more emotionally aware
• I'm becoming more comfortable with sharing my emotions
• my emotions are becoming more positive
• I'm becoming more emotionally open
• I'm appreciating myself more

[Raphael]

23/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• have a big smile on my face
• feel like a kid
• want to jump
• want to share my excitement
• feel a bit crazy
• want some attention

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• want to masturbate
• want to watch porn
• want to fuck
• feel the need for a partner
• have difficulties to work
• have difficulties to sleep

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• am afraid to show them
• feel paralyzed
• don't want to be vulnerable
• don't know what to do with them
• feel human
• want to be authentic

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I'll open up more with my excitement
• I'll share more my excitement
• I'll accept being excited
• I'll be more in touch with myself
• I'll be more authentic
• I'll be happier

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I'll be more sexually open
• I'll accept having sexual needs
• I won't be ashamed of my sexual needs
• I'll be more sexual
• I'll be more comfortable with the opposite sex
• I'll be honest about my sexuality

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I'll experience all my emotions
• I'll accept having emotional needs
• I understand myself better
• I'm becoming more in touch with myself
• I'm becoming more authentic
• I'm increasing my emotional mastery

[Raphael]

24/07/2021 (Week 26)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• express myself
• express the repressed parts of myself
• get in touch with my emotions
• accept my sexuality
• let myself exists authentically
• build a deep meaningful relationship with myself

[Raphael]

25/07/2021 (Week 26)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• express all my emotions
• share my excitement
• let myself being playful
• accept my sexual needs
• open about my sexuality
• observe myself carefully
• accept being emotional

[Raphael]

26/07/2021 (Week 27)

If I think about becoming better friends with my child-self...

• my child-self would express himself more
• my child-self would communicate more with me
• my child-self would let me know his needs
• my child-self would show himself
• my child-self would be better integrated
• my child-self would get more love
• I would get more love from my child-self

If I think about becoming better friends with my teenage-self...

• my teenage-self would be less angry
• my teenage-self would finally be happy because he would be understand
• my teenage-self would be more motivated
• my teenage-self would show himself in healthy ways
• I won't shame my teenage-self
• my teenage-self would be less ashamed
• my teenage-self would feel less guilty
• my teenage-self would appreciate me more
• my teenage-self would feel safer with me

As my younger selves become more comfortable with me...

• I become more comfortable with them
• I understand my younger selves better
• my younger selves understand me better
• I'm deepening my connection with my younger selves
• they feel more at peace
• they feel that they can trust me
• I start to trust my younger selves
• I start to appreciate my younger selves
• I'm becoming more integrated
• I'm becoming more authentic

As I create a safe space for my child-self...

• my child-self feels safe
• my child-self have better peace of mind
• my child-self feels nurtured
• my child-self is able to more express himself
• my child-self is able to more authentically express himself
• my child-self loves me more
• my child-self trust me more

As I create a safe space for my teenage-self...

• my teenage-self feels safe
• my teenage-self express himself more authentically
• my teenage-self is letting go of all its difficult and intense emotional baggage
• my teenage-self is starting to express himself in healthy ways
• my teenage-self loves me more
• my teenage-self feels relieved
• my teenage-self trust me more
• I feel trustworthy

[Raphael]

27/07/2021 (Week 27)

If I think about becoming better friends with my child-self...

• I'll let my child-self express himself
• my child-self would feel closer to me
• my child-self would feel more comfortable with me
• my relationship with my child-self would improve
• my child-self would talk to me
• my child-self would like me more
• my child-self would show more playfulness

If I think about becoming better friends with my teenage-self...

• my teenage-self would finally feel understood
• my teenage-self won't be ashamed to express his emotions
• my teenage-self would communicate with me more
• I'll give my hand to my teenage-self
• I'll stop shaming my teenage-self
• I'll embrace my teenage-self

As my younger selves become more comfortable with me...

• they trust me more
• they communicate with me more
• they express their emotions more
• I can help them more
• I'm becoming more authentic
• they are becoming more authentic
• I feel more whole
• I feel more integrated

As I create a safe space for my child-self...

• my child-self feel safer
• my child-self feel better nurtured
• my child-self can express himself safely and freely
• I'm growing
• I'm deepening my relationship with my child-self
• my child-self is showing himself more
• my child-self feels trusted

As I create a safe space for my teenage-self...

• my teenage-self feels safer
• my teenage-self feels that he can open up
• my teenage-self feel more understood
• my teenage-self trust me more
• my teenage-self feels relieved
• I'm deepening my relationship with my teenage-self
• I'm becoming stronger and more integrated

[Raphael]

28/07/2021 (Week 27)

If I think about becoming better friends with my child-self...

• he would express his curiosity
• my child-self would show himself more
• he would express his needs
• he would be more comfortable with me
• he would ask for help
• I'll give him help
• I'll do the best that I can to understand him

If I think about becoming better friends with my teenage-self...

• I would let him do things by himself
• he would show up
• he would feel more comfortable with me
• he would show how mean he is
• he would cry in my arms
• he would show how much he is hurt
• he would communicate with me
• I would help him

As my younger selves become more comfortable with me...

• they are showing up more
• they are trusting me more
• I start to feel them
• I start to understand them
• I am deepening my relationship with them
• we are starting to heal together

As I create a safe space for my child-self...

• he feels more secure
• he feels protected
• he feels that he can trust me
• he may be see this safe space as a prison
• I realize that this safe space is may be too much
• I understand that he wants more freedom
• I understand that this safe space is overprotective
• I understand that my child-self wants to get out of this safe space
• I understand that I'm protecting my child-self too much and that this is hurting him

As I create a safe space for my teenage-self...

• he feels controlled
• he doesn't like to feel controlled
• he wants to go out
• he wants to express all his dirtiness
• he doesn't like me
• he doesn't trust me
• he wants to do things by himself
• I understand that I need to stop controlling my teenage-self
• I understand that my teenage-self is wise enough to do things by himself
• I understand that the best thing that I can do to my teenage-self is to let him be free
• My younger selves don't want safety. They don't like safety, they feel overprotected, they feel over-controlled, they feels like they are in prison. What they want is complete freedom.

[Raphael]

29/07/2021 (Week 27)

If I think about becoming better friends with my child-self...

• I'll accept my child-self more
• my child-self would accept me more
• I try to understand the struggles of my child-self
• I'll become more honest with my child-self
• my child-self is opening more
• my child-self is trusting me more

If I think about becoming better friends with my teenage-self...

• I'll allow my teenage-self to express all his emotions
• I'll give my teenage-self the support that he needs without over-controlling him, nor spoon-feeding him
• my teenage-self is getting motivated
• my teenage-self wants to prove himself
• my teenage-self is opening up to me
• my teenage-self is becoming courageous
• my teenage-self is trusting me more

As my younger selves become more comfortable with me...

• I become more comfortable with them
• our communication gets better
• our relationship gets better
• we are working better together
• we are doing better together
• we can trust each other in dealing with life's situations

As I create a safe space for my child-self...

• my child-self don't feel safe but oppressed
• I understand that my safe space needs to be properly balanced to provide enough safety without over-controlling my child-self
• this safe space allows my child-self to express himself fully and safely
• my child-self is trusting me
• my child-self starts to feel safe without being oppressed
• my child-self is appreciating me more
• my child-self feels in security

As I create a safe space for my teenage-self...

• my teenage-self doesn't trust me because he feels over-controlled
• I understand that this safe space needs to protect while at the same time being as minimal as possible to allow my teenage-self to have a lot of freedom
• I understand that a balanced safe space is what my teenage-self needs more
• my teenage-self is starting to trust me more
• my teenage-self feels that he his free to express himself wherever he wants while still feeling safe
• my teenage-self is becoming more and more authentic
• my teenage-self is loving me more and more
• my relationship with my teenage-self is skyrocketing
• my communication with my teenage-self is skyrocketing
• my love for my teenage-self is skyrocketing