Girlfriend pulling back FAST

[Alfonsoo]

The relationship’s quite recent. I think I started to be a bit too open and easy, maybe even a little too needy. So I adjusted my game but maybe i went a bit too far and got her into auto-rejection (she pulls back to protect her ego). But i’m not sure if the main culprit was the neediness or being to aloof/making her jealous. I need to fix it quick. She’s in her hometown so she has the luxury of ignoring me. We take the same online classes if that’s any help. 

Thanks for the advice!

Edited October 24, 2020 by Alfonsoo

[Thestarguitarist14]

Well, there’s your problem.  When you play games, she is goi g respond with her games.  The only thing women can do is shit test you and pull back to get your attention.

She pulled back to gain control.  All you can do is not play into it.  Live your life, work on yourself. It is not easy, but if she is actually into you she will hot you back up.

[Alfonsoo]

@Thestarguitarist14 and on the mean time? Just ignore her unless she writes first?

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

2 minutes ago, Alfonsoo said:

@Thestarguitarist14 and on the mean time? Just ignore her unless she writes first?

 

Precisely.  Pay her no mind.  You texting her is just going to put you in a runner/chaser situation.

[aurum]

20 minutes ago, Alfonsoo said:

neediness or being to aloof/making her jealous

Flipside of the same coin.

21 minutes ago, Alfonsoo said:

I need to fix it quick

Why?

[Alfonsoo]

@Thestarguitarist14 She’s my girlfriend. I’m not sure that’s the best move. Could you elaborate more?

[Alfonsoo]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

Flipside of the same coin.

Why?

I know, two totally different things but i think equally as possible here, and what I do depends on which one.

And because I like her and I feel like I really messed up, but it should be easy to fix.  I would usually just leave and stop waisting my time, but this is so simple that to leave abandon the relationship it’s a bit to rash.

[Thestarguitarist14]

Just now, Alfonsoo said:

@Thestarguitarist14 She’s my girlfriend. I’m not sure that’s the best move. Could you elaborate more?

And that is your problem.  Why are you so attached to her?  She is not special.  You could get another girlfriend if you so desired. You are placing far too much value onto her.  She can sense this a mile away.  That’s why she is not fucking with you.  She knows that she can pull back and you are still going to be on her ass because you are emotionally attached.

 

Detach with love.  You can realize that just because someone is your girlfriend does not mean that you must put up with her narcissistic behavior.

[aurum]

2 minutes ago, Alfonsoo said:

I know, two totally different things but i think equally as possible here, and what I do depends on which one.

And because I like her and I feel like I really messed up, but it should be easy to fix.  I would usually just leave and stop waisting my time, but this is so simple that to leave abandon the relationship it’s a bit to rash.

So why not just be honest with her?

[Alfonsoo]

2 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Detach with love.

ok I see now, but what do you mean by detach with love exactly?

[Alfonsoo]

@aurum I don’t wanna go chasing after her. SonI would need a bit of help solving and figuring stuff out without being needy.

[Thestarguitarist14]

Just now, Alfonsoo said:

ok I see now, but what do you mean by detach with love exactly?

Don’t be attached to her or a specific outcome.  You can still pursue her.  You can still be warm. But don’t be thinking about her constantly or chasing her approval.  
 

Keep in mind that no relationship will make you happy.  That is just a lie that society feeds us.  You don’t need her to get love either.  Another lie from society.  Fill your own cup and watch how this whole situation will resolve itself.

[Javfly33]

Wtf you even talking about. I cant understand that english no offense

[Alfonsoo]

@Javfly33 xd

[Alfonsoo]

@Javfly33 Got to needy with my girlfriend so she pulled back. Then i tried to make her jealous and the situation got even worse. So i’m asking for advice.

better? haha

[aurum]

14 minutes ago, Alfonsoo said:

@aurum I don’t wanna go chasing after her. SonI would need a bit of help solving and figuring stuff out without being needy.

What's wrong with chasing and being needy?

I'm asking these questions because I think you're a bit hung up on concepts.

[Thestarguitarist14]

2 minutes ago, aurum said:

What's wrong with chasing and being needy?

I'm asking these questions because I think you're a bit hung up on concepts.

To be fair, chasing women puts you in a lower position and there is nothing and I mean nothing that women hate more than needy men.

[Alfonsoo]

2 minutes ago, aurum said:

What's wrong with chasing and being needy?

I'm asking these questions because I think you're a bit hung up on concepts.

according to my experience and research chasing after her is very unattractive and that would make the situation worse. Plus if that’s the only way i’m not really interested, so it has to work any other way besides neediness and chasing.

[RendHeaven]

Yes, you are needy, and from a survival standpoint you're fucked, lol.

I've been there (still living it, if I'm honest).

It will never, ever pan out in the long run if you play these attention/power games with each other.

Why? Because every time you play this game, you hurt her (and she hurts you).

Even if you "ignore her to focus on yourself" you subtly aim to pull away from her (the same way she pulls away from you - as if to say "you hurt me so I'll hurt you!"), and she feels that.

Conversely, if you "focus on showing her love" you subtly aim to guilt her - as if to say, "I've given you love so now you've gotta give me love!" - and again, she feels that.

You gotta cut the shit from the root. End your neediness and drop the games. That is the only solution.

Way easier said than done though. If you are like 99.9% of men, you'll pretend to not be needy while secretly being needy, all the way to the end of your relationship...

[aurum]

2 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

To be fair, chasing women puts you in a lower position and there is nothing and I mean nothing that women hate more than needy men.

But neediness isn't solved by pretending to not be needy. That whole paradigm only works when you're actually not needy. In his case, his neediness is manifesting as trying to not be needy. So it's still needy from my perspective, just hidden a bit better.