A question for women about "creepy" men

[Don Wei]

Hi guys, I was scrolling through people's stories on instagram this morning and I saw a meme where they basically said women react positive when a women they don't know compliments them, but negative when a man compliments them.

I was intrigued to know more about it so I decided to scroll through the comments and I saw lots of women say they find a lot of men who approach them "creepy" because they often have sexual intentions. And some women even went as far to say that "most men are rapist" !

This was very absurd to me because the fact that most rapist are men doesn't mean most men rape. And lets be honest most women never approach men, that's why people often expect men to approach. So if men are expected to approach and if they are called creepy when they obviously have "sexual" intentions. Then how the hell are people supposed to date ?! 

Isn't it normal and logical that the men often have sexual intentions ? That just means they find you attractive and want to date you.

So I was wondering what are the reasons some of you women find it creepy when men give you compliments and how can a man approach women without being seen as creepy ? And to the guys here, has a women ever called you creepy and what did you do wrong ?

[nistake]

I'm a guy, but allow me to chime in.

If the compliment is like "Hey, you have a nice ass, how about a date?", then it's obviously creepy for the majority of girls. I'm pretty sure there are guys who can pull this off sucessfully, but that's a small percentage of guys.

However, if you say something along the lines of "Hey, you have a really nice dress, where did you buy it?" and you mean it (not just for the sake of pickup), you can easily initiate a conversation with girls and they wouldn't be offended. Granted, there'll be always girls who find you creepy no matter what you do, so you just deal with it and move on.

Bottom line: If you're aware of social norms and you're polite but confident, you'll be just fine. Don't listen to random memes and social media.

[Don Wei]

@nistake thanks so as long as i'm polite and attractive I won't have any problems

[Recursoinominado]

It is like homeless people being "nice" to you, they want something and you can see it miles away.

Edited August 19, 2020 by Recursoinominado

[anxious_turtle]

2 hours ago, Don Wei said:

A question for women

 

2 hours ago, Don Wei said:

Isn't it logical

 

You're asking the wrong questions here lol.

 

Women call them "creeps" because those men failed to attract them. 

2 hours ago, Don Wei said:

they find a lot of men who approach them "creepy" because they often have sexual intentions. And some women even went as far to say that "most men are rapist" !

Because they don't want to have sex with them. If she's attracted to you she'll have no problem with your sexual intentions.

Also, girls like to say shit like that on social media to boost their egos. Don't take it too seriously.

Edited August 19, 2020 by anxious_turtle

[Don Wei]

@Recursoinominado alright so men should maybe be a little more direct then right ? Instead of making to many excuses and small talk.

[soos_mite_ah]

As a woman, it isn't uncommon to always be on guard around men (consciously or unconsciously). There is this sense of vulnerability wherever you go and even if you don't see yourself as vulnerable, other people around you do so that kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy on a societal scale and you become an easy target. 

There is this presumption that a lot of guys mainly look at us as sex objects and define us by our beauty. This isn't necessarily the act of any one individual person but its more so implied systemically by how society markets to us, how we get treated in the workplace etc. This is obviously different in the case something like sex work or doing something scandalous in a music video since in those cases a lot of the time there is consent involved where the woman herself wants to present herself in that light if that makes sense. 

Also there is this notion that guys only want one thing and that's sex. They don't want to have a relationship, they don't want to get to know us as individual people, they want to pump and dump (think fuck boy culture, dick pics etc.) even if rape isn't in the question. Like sure a guy may think you're attractive, but that doesn't mean they want to date or get to know you. When it does come to sexual assault most of us have experienced either it or came close to experiencing it, or know someone who has. Because of that, we're always on guard whether we are alone or with other people consciously or subconsciously (think of why women go to the bathroom in groups). Sure most guys aren't rapists but there is a power dynamic that is at play in society as whole and there is a consistent pattern. 

And even if something does happen to us, it is often painted as the woman's fault (i.e. she shouldn't have worn that, why was she drinking etc.) or we aren't believed (i.e. she's making this up for attention, he's a really good guy he would never etc.). So because of that, we try to be even more on guard to prevent ourselves from ever being in that position by doing things like keeping pepper spray, tasers, not going to gas stations in  the middle of the night, not going on walks after dark etc. Most women have had to think this stuff through because we don't want to get killed. 

5 hours ago, nistake said:

If the compliment is like "Hey, you have a nice ass, how about a date?", then it's obviously creepy for the majority of girls. I'm pretty sure there are guys who can pull this off sucessfully, but that's a small percentage of guys.

However, if you say something along the lines of "Hey, you have a really nice dress, where did you buy it?" and you mean it (not just for the sake of pickup), you can easily initiate a conversation with girls and they wouldn't be offended. Granted, there'll be always girls who find you creepy no matter what you do, so you just deal with it and move on.

I pretty much agree with this quote. Basically approach with empathy rather than being super sexual from the get go. The only thing that i disagree with is that there is a small percentage of guys who can get away with it. It's very VERY small. Even if you're hot, that doesn't change it from being weird. If a girl has any type of self confidence (as in she isn't desperate for any type of attention) or common sense, she will steer clear from that type of behavior. That doesn't mean you can't approach girls or date, absolutely not, but lead with empathy. It isn't hard for us to find someone to fuck, it is hard however to find someone decent to get into a relationship with. 

Also a lot of girls prefer to date people they know in their social circles and meet guys through friends as opposed to being approach by random guys just fyi for further context. 

 

Edited August 19, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[Raphael]

@Don Wei Here's a taste of what's like to walk in the street as a women

 

[soos_mite_ah]

3 hours ago, anxious_turtle said:

Women call them "creeps" because those men failed to attract them. 

Because they don't want to have sex with them. If she's attracted to you she'll have no problem with your sexual intentions.

Also, girls like to say shit like that on social media to boost their egos. Don't take it too seriously.

No, we call guys creeps when they have done some weird shit.

I've also been creeped out by guys I have found attractive as well. Sure if you're attractive you have a larger margin of error, but eventually girls and their friends catch on and then they will avoid you like the plague. It isn't as straight forward as physical attraction = want to date/ have sex. When it comes to dating and sex most of us also look for additional factors such as personality, willingness to respect boundaries etc. 

You don't get a free pass with creepy behavior just based on looks. I see this with a lot with guys in general where they scapegoat their looks as the problem when it really is something else because it's easier to play victim when it comes to being ugly since there is this assumption of how there is only so much you can do. 

[Consept]

Its a fine balance, if the girl finds you attractive and isnt threatened by you she will of course be open to an approach, so you need good level social skills to be able to work out if thats the case. If youre unsure you can still approach and read if theres any attraction, again you need good social skills for this. Its also important to not go into any interaction expecting something from it, you can go in just to have a conversation but there cant be any overt pressure from your side. 

Basically women will find you creepy if you have no social skills, you may get away with it if youre attractive but even then if your social skills are poor it will still come across creepy. Being needy in anyway is another way to come off creepy, if the woman feels threatened then its going to be very uncomfortable for both of you. Its understandable that women would have to be on guard in this way, considering men generally are physically stronger. 

[Don Wei]

@soos_mite_ah ok I can't talk for all guys but personally I don't want to be in a relationship either. I'm 18 and i've had pretty shitty experiences when it comes to dating until now. And i'm focused on my purpose right now, so to be honest yeah sure. Right now when it comes to dating sex is pretty important to me right now compared to other aspects of dating, people from my culture would shame me for saying this but I don't think it's a bad thing right ? 

As long as i'm honest about my intentions and don't manipulate anybody, maybe there are more women that don't want a relationship than I thought. So this experiment could work out good for me right now untill I do want a relationship later in my life.

[soos_mite_ah]

@Don Wei Yeah as long as you're honest with your intentions there isn't anything wrong. Not everyone wants relationships (guy or girl) and that is okay. But its still necessary to have a normal conversation or maybe a date and get to know people on a surface level before going forth with anything both as a general courtesy of "hey I see you as a person" and from a safety perspective as well.  

[Don Wei]

@soos_mite_ah yeah most people aren't honest about it. I only know a couple of guys that straight up tell women they are seeing other women, and a lot of the women are suprisingly ok with it if you're just honest about it.

I do kinda understand if I look at it from a women's perspective that you could be pretty paranoid walking on the street alone. I can become pretty aggressive and low conscious when I feel threatened by someone on the street.

So to sum it up I have to just improve myself internally and externally and not look mad ? I have never been called creepy but I do have an expressionless resting stone face. And some women have told me that looks pretty intimidating, but that's something I cannot change sadly.

[soos_mite_ah]

1 minute ago, Don Wei said:

@soos_mite_ah

So to sum it up I have to just improve myself internally and externally and not look mad ? I have never been called creepy but I do have an expressionless resting stone face. And some women have told me that looks pretty intimidating, but that's something I cannot change sadly.

I mean if that's what you feel is holding you back sure. Its going to be different for everyone. And its ok if you have an expressionless resting face. I have the same problem too lol but when you're talking to someone it doesn't hurt to just smile a little. 

[Don Wei]

@Raphael wow the indian one was the worst, it made me feel uncomfortable. The first one had a few bad ones but it wasn't too bad.

It's really sad though, the men in these videos have no social skills and also obviously don't take care of their body. No wonder women find them creepy, they actually think that saying these will make her like you lol

When I talk to women I just introduce myself, ask her name, tell her I find her attractive and ask her number to hang out. This also doesn't always work but it's at least better than catcalling.

Edited August 19, 2020 by Don Wei

[Recursoinominado]

1 hour ago, Don Wei said:

@Recursoinominado alright so men should maybe be a little more direct then right ? Instead of making to many excuses and small talk.

No, men should develop themselves out of that creepy, needy, low conscious state of animal desperation.

Develop self and social awareness, develop charisma, raise your vibration.

Women are incredibly aware of your vibration, your inner-feeling environment. 

Most men are very low in that scale, completely lacking self-awareness, approaching women exuding fear, anger, guilt, despair, neediness, and act surprised that they didn't like that. 

You know that feeling when a sketchy figure approaches you? You know, some man with a mean demeanor, thug-like. This guy approaches you in a desert street at night, how would you feel? That's how women usually feel when they talk about creepy guys. 

[Don Wei]

@Recursoinominado oh yes, now I think about I have experienced the same thing, women are really good at feeling vibrations.

It's true that you're able to feel when someone is desperate and wants something from you.

That means you just have to enjoy yourself right ? Because if you go out with the sole purpose of talk to women you're gonna be needy from the start and you're not gonna enjoy yourself

[Recursoinominado]

29 minutes ago, Don Wei said:

That means you just have to enjoy yourself right ? Because if you go out with the sole purpose of talk to women you're gonna be needy from the start and you're not gonna enjoy yourself

Yes, you have to enjoy yourself. If you have the proper game mindset you will realize that approaching women is FUN AS HELL.

The first one is always going to be brutal, you have the right to be a little creepy because you will be nervous and in your head. The secret is to be aware enough to not frighten the girl, with calibration you can keep the proper distance, looking for signs of discomfort, offer her assurances that you are not some idiot who lacks basic self and social awareness and it will be fine. 

Here are some guidelines to have FUN and build from each interaction, even if you got blown out:

 

You can say: Hey, how it is going? I saw you, found you cute and came here to talk to you. 

Then offer some comfort statement like: I know it is kind of strange to approach someone in the middle of the street, but fuck it. I only have 2 minutes before i have to get back to my friends. 

Then you keep talking, anything, don't expect the girl to do the work for you.

Short and sweet at first, 30s or 1 minute at first, when you get some momentum and your mood is better, you can try to keep the interaction longer. 

[Don Wei]

@Recursoinominado thanks that's great advice

[Leo Gura]

Stop asking women for dating advice if you are a guy.