ShugendoRa

I am a people pleaser please change me

6 posts in this topic

I am a people pleaser. I microdosed LSD today and I noticed in that in me. I love pleasing people I love seeing there reactions when I do something to please them. I love to make myself look inferior to them so they feel better about themselves. This is a horrible habit. How do I change this ? This is truly sad for me since I pride myself that Im this I don't give a fuck attitude guy but I see now how much I was lying to myself. I'm a wuss. 

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14 minutes ago, ShugendoRa said:

I love pleasing people I love seeing there reactions when I do something to please them.

This sounds like the deceptive words - and lies - of the ego, trying to justify doing what you do in order to not have to deal with it being a defense mechanism for something else.

While it doesn't have to be that, it's very common and is usually related to a low self-esteem and self-worth.

By looking for others approval and acceptance, and getting that gives you a false feeling of increased self-worth. This happens when you please others, people like to be pleased and they typically like people that please them as they feed their egos in different ways.

Ultimately we're looking for other peoples interest in us, their approval and acceptance. That way we feel as we can belong which fills a hole in us.

Have you explored this possibility?


Of course this doesn't mean that you can't do things for others without ulterior  motives.

Edited by Eph75

Want to connect? Just do it, I assure you I'm just a human being just like you, drop me a PM today. 

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@ShugendoRa  Congrats on having an insightful trip, it's very important to have the right mindset about using psychedelics :) However, you have to change yourself. No amount of LSD, mushrooms, DMT, people telling you what to do can fix you. 

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I am working on this too. It's something that requires daily practice. what helped me so far is to try to be aware of these times when I am trying to please others for the sake of others and then step in and instead of choosing something that would please others think about what would "please" myself so what I come up with is more authentic and not forced to make other people happy.

Something else that might help is to realize that in the end, we have no control over what people think so what we can't control we might as well let go.

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- Self-awareness is huge. Try to maintain it during the day and try to catch yourself when you're about to be a nice guy. If you can do that, you'll have the chance to decide otherwise. Consciously decide that "okay, now I'm not gonna be a nice guy". Don't be rude for no reason though, you can do this politely.

- Seek out discomfort on purpose. Cold showers, pickup, rejection therapy (look it up @ youtube). Nice guys usually fear about what other people think about them. These things will basically desensitize you if you're committed enough.

- Journal and contemplate. Ask yourself questions regarding to the people pleasing mentality and try to answer them honestly.

- Practise saying no. If you're in a situation when you think "ugh, I really don't want to do this", just say no without explaining yourself. Social situations would be a great place to start.

It depends on the severity, but you won't be able to fix this issue overnight. This'll require conscious actions and daily practise. But when you manage to fix it, it's gonna be so worth it. You'll feel like a completely new person with a healthy amount of confidence and self-esteem.

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@ShugendoRa practice pleasing yourself in preference to other people. After all, you're a person too. Are you allowed to please yourself?


All stories and explanations are false.

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