what is your routine for dealing with negative emotions "live" with other people?

[Vercingetorix]

When dealing live with other people, how do you deal with your emotions in real-time?

I'm experimenting now with different techniques, and was curious to know about the full spectrum of reactions to negative emotions in Situations when you feel  Anger/frustration/judgment/blame or other emotions like embarrassment/shame. 

techniques I use:

Non-identification / Mindfulness - being aware of the thought/ "Angry me" and realizing I have the choice to not identify with it

Body - putting my attention on my body, identifying the body sensations that are hard for me to feel and taking care of them - breathing to them, accepting them.

Inner child - talking to the "inner child" in me - the childish part in me that is in pain, understanding what he needs and taking care of him, hugging me, soothing him.

Enjoying Mindset -  Being happy that a sensation arises because now I can be with it, sense it and dissolve it through feeling it.

Non violent communication - Identify and Connect to my need that is behind this emotion.

Curiosity\seeking understanding - connect to not knowing - Identify the assumption that causes me the unpleasant emotion, seeing that it's not the truth and asking the other side why he behave in the way he behave (in a honest, non judgmental way)

I would like to know what other effective techniques exist.
 

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Vercingetorix

[Aquarius]

I am unable to feel negative emotions, I just raise my vibration.

If I get a "negative" emotion (all emotions are necessary), I express it freely and openly. If I didn't tell them, I would be a liar. 

But generally I'm positive if the other person treats me with respect.

[NatureB]

Curious about this as well. I recently blew my lid at a coworker in an effort to draw a boundary. I ended up intimidating him, then we talked about it and I cooled down. I feel like an ass though. I am going to reread Crucial Conversations again and take notes on what I could have done better.

 

I can add that sometimes anger is good. If you are coming from a lower emotion, stepping into anger is a sign of progress. If you are usually above anger, it can be a sign of regress, or maybe one of your buttons was pushed that you were not aware of, and now you can release that.

 

I am curios @Vercingetorix how you learned to breathe into your sensations. That is also what I do, but I am curious how you found that strategy.

[Nahm]

@Vercingetorix

That’s a pretty solid list. 

[Vercingetorix]

@Aquarius what do you mean that are unable to feel negative emotions? how did you reach it?
how do you raise your vibration practically? 

I agree that emotions are not really negative, but practically speaking do you have a better word to call them?

The thing with expressing my emotion freely and openly in my experience is that when the other side is also emotional it will usually just escalate the situation. any tips?

[Aquarius]

@Vercingetorix I reached it by purifying my mind and transcending ego.

You can call those emotions low vibration emotions or unpleasant feelings, since you do non-violent communication too.

If you come from a place of no ego, and loving kindness, the other person won't get emotional. Try to explain it to them in detail like you would to a little child. Most people only care for their own emotions so they might not hear your story, so you need to be specific, yet assertive. 

[Vercingetorix]

@NatureB From a Coaching training course I did in a coaching method called "Satya" here in Israel.

@Aquarius can you elaborate on the purifying of mind and transcending ego process? 

There are situations, pretty exclusively with my (not exactly) girlfriend, that she becomes strongly emotional and has a specific need from me, and that specific need pushed deep buttons inside of me and feels like satisfying her need at the moment will be at the expense of myself.
For example there are times that she becomes quite "needy", in a demand for constant attention/love/hug/sex and at the same time I'm in a strong need for space/freedom/doing what I want/ not feeling forced to do something (in my childhood I often had the feeling that I am forced to do things I didn't want so it's a deep rooted feeling in me)  And at these times sometimes I find myself not sure how to deal with the situation.  
 
@Nahm It's a start what's your way?

[Nahm]

@Vercingetorix

From what I can remember your list was pretty much what I did. Loa comes to mind, maybe as an extension of what you already covered in ‘understanding’. 

[Vercingetorix]

I see that this question is something I focus on a lot in my life. I think I made the assumption that it's also something that everyone is occupied with.
But now I realize that maybe not. That most people are just living their lives "automatically" without giving a second thought to their reactions.

@Nahm can you elaborate about the use of LOA, I"m not sure i'm getting it (maybe an example  )

@ivankiss does it let your respond in the way that you are happy about?

[Nahm]

@Vercingetorix

Look around now. Notice without exception all of that is by your choice. You are where you are because of your choices. Every single thing there is by you choices. All of it appears as such that you are thinking, moving, doing, but you are not. You are attracting, and pretending. Creating a dreamboard is conscious creating. 

[Tarzan]

Another cool technique I learned from the book Charisma Myth was something called responsibility transfer. Basically you visualize lifting your negativitity whatever it is to whatever Greater Force you might conjure up, transferring the responsibility to that Greater Force, be it a deity, or just a the idea of the Universe, or everything else or everyone else around you. Or even imagine that the negativity you are struggling with is being felt by everyone in the world and that you are all carrying eachothers burders or something like that

I have used it whenever I remember it and it works for me. I don't visualize very specifically but I feel the weight on my body and gently let go of that weight, radiating it everywhere. And I conceptually recontextualize my negativity as a petty problem not worth worrying about compared to all the good things in life.

It's kind of like neutralizing your natural proclivity for perceiving negativity by emphasizing your connection to everything and everyone else. The main reason this technique was mentioned in the book is that it also puts you into a positive, charismatic state when dealing with people. If you're interested in a solid Stage Orange charisma book then Charisma Myth seemed very nice.

Edited June 16, 2020 by Tarzan