Self-Improvement and the inevitable suffering that comes with it.

[IAmTheHolySpirit]

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I’m attached to “self - improvement.”

 

Only the ego can attach itself to thoughts. You are the neutral observer, you are merely observing. You are not the identity, personality that is having this problem. You are aware of the awareness of it.

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I think its a right thing to do, you know, healthy eating, exercising, no-fap, cold exposure, meditation and spirituality.

 

It is not right nor wrong, so do not label these physical actions as "right". It is only a waste of energy to label them. If it is what you do, that is what you do. Do not claim it as "right".

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The thing is that when I started being more aware of myself (after starting meditation and spirituality) I started being really judgemental towards myself and really “pushy”.

 

You have not started to become more aware of your self, you have started to become more aware of your own ego.

This ego is the one who is being judgemental and is really pushy. Why would you, infinite love, joy, peace and compassion ever be judgemental and pushy? It literally is impossible. Anytime something is judgemental or something feels pushy, it is only because of the ego.

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but now I always feel like I have to push myself more and more through the limits, even if it doesnt feel okay, because feelings dont matter and I have to meditate through pain kind of thing.

 

You are not feelings. So if you feel like you have to push your self, do not trust that feeling.

Will divine love ever push you to "go over the limit"? Does divine love want you to meditate through pain?

Divine love is available and here in this present moment all the time, it encompasses you whether you are aware of it or not. It will never be a catalyst for any suffering, and it has absolutely no reason for you to do anything. Divine love, this universe, does not care what you are doing. Aslong as you exist, you are doing everything that needs to be done.

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And its making me anxious. The same thing is going on with the gym, im pushing myself so much that I’m actually getting weaker

 

So the ego is restless, he is bossing you around saying "You must do more of this" or "You skipped this! that is really bad!" etc basically bitching around without even doing anything, and instead of you simply taking a step back, being aware of awareness, being in this moment loving unconditionally, you keep going with that stream of thoughts, which is why you feel disconnected from your self and from divine love. Worry not because all you need to do is be aware of being aware. Stay there.

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the thing is that if I dont push myself through my “comfort zone” it means that im giving up and my ego is winning, but if i am pushing myself it makes me anxious, even tho i try to meditate through anxiety and pain. What do i do?

 

You are giving up and the ego is winning. Can you please clarify who is giving up?

Who are you, that you are able to give up?

Who are you, that the ego can "win" against you?

The ego's function is to make you see your self and problems as personal. To play a role and to be a personality, an identity.

It succeeded because you made this post, it succeeded because you now identify your self as these "anxious judgemental thoughts" or "uncomfortable feelings, pushy". If you simply stay aware of awareness, and not identify as any thoughts or feelings, they will go away from where they came from.

These thoughts and feelings are like clouds passing. You are the infinite sky. You are always there to be aware of them. They can't exist without you.

Knowing now that you are more than just thoughts, emotions and sensations you must stay as you are in that knowing, knowing that nothing can ever affect you, as you are the infinite creator of this universe. As long as you do not hold on to any thoughts, any feelings or sensations, they won't be able to latch themselves onto you. If you do not open the door, they can only knock. They can't get in. They don't stick. They don't leave a smell.

Awareness can't be anxious. So saying "I am pushing myself" and then "Pushing myself makes me anxious" makes no sense. It is the ego thinking and believing that it is pushing itself, and then suffering from its own thoughts saying "These thoughts make me anxious"

That which is aware, can never be that which it is aware of. So you (awareness) can't be sad, anxious, depressed, angry, happy, joyful, loving because all of that is perceived by the pure awareness that you truly are. You are the pure awareness, not that which is perceived. Be aware of being aware, perceive that which is ever-presently perceiving.

As you can see, the ego is a total dumbass lmfao.

[The observer]

I couldn't go through with this from the first paragraph. It's blatantly false. I am aware, not awareness. To say that I am awareness means that I am not an ego. But I am an ego too. Seriously guys, don't trust these psychedelic insights. They're incomplete.

[IAmTheHolySpirit]

1 minute ago, The observer said:

I couldn't go through with this from the first paragraph. It's blatantly false. I am aware, not awareness. To say that I am awareness means that I am not an ego. But I am an ego too. Seriously guys, don't trust these psychedelic insights. They're incomplete.

You are not awareness, you are that which is aware of awareness.

[The observer]

4 minutes ago, IAmTheHolySpirit said:

You are not awareness, you are that which is aware of awareness.

I am not even that. It's pointless to keep going further down this road because it's obvious where it's gonna lead. I can't be pinpointed, or pointed to. I can only be, and be described.

[Javfly33]

I agree. I think Self-improvement works when it comes naturally, out of healing and increase consciousness of who you really are.

When you stop believing yourself to be an identity, thoughts that arise to support an identity, are no longer believed-in, therefore you start behaving and acting different, more towards "normality" until true sanity of mind, basically the more you know who you are (and are conscious of this) the less neurotic you will be. That´s why I totally quit self-improvement from the ego and went straight to spirituality.

I was done with the endless games of the mind and the ego and just aimed to be free. Once I did that, if the mind wants to improve, so be it. But regardless what the mind/body wasnts to do I will be at a safe distance from it knowing who I am.

 

Edited June 1, 2020 by Javfly33

[SamueLSD]

@IAmTheHolySpirit You misuse the term 'ego'.

Or at least, use it far too broadly. 

[nistake]

That's good and all, but try to explain these things to a person who's never even heard about spirituality/ego/enlightenment. I think it's fair for these people to start off with basic stuff. Like working out emotional issues, resolving traumas, maintaining a healthy lifestyle (exercise/diet/etc), then move on to enlightenment work.

[Nak Khid]

17 hours ago, IAmTheHolySpirit said:

You are not awareness, you are that which is aware of awareness.

 if you become aware of your youness the awareness becomes the am
and the eye disappears