Laser eye contact takes away my talkativeness

[Amilaer---]

Hey,

I am trying to get better in laser eye contact with girls. I focus on it so much that I am losing topics we chat about or stop listening to her.. Normally I am very extrovert, talkative etc. but this practice takes away, for example, my witty repartee . 

I got it that more practice will make me better in it, but looking constantly on my friend's eyes is getting super weird ?.

Any tips except more practice? 

Thanks. 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Amilaer---

[Forestluv]

@Amilaer--- It sounds like it isn't natural and effortless. If I am intentionally trying to maintain strong eye contact, it's distracting, and it can interfere with the vibe. It can also come across as creepy or too intense.

This article seems to have some good suggestions

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/look-em-in-the-eye-part-ii-how-to-make-eye-contact-the-right-way-in-life-business-and-love/

Also, you might want to try eye gazing with someone - that way you can practice/experience the connection of eye contact without worrying about following a discussion. 

[Preety_India]

Try doing it intermittently. 

 

[Amilaer---]

I believe I'm overthinking this. With friends, co-workers, even random people like shop assistants it goes pretty smoothly. The problem starts with newly met nice girls. A little bit of excitement makes my eyes doing pingpong . 

@Serotoninluv Cool article. Thanks. I like those three points the most:

• “In order for eye contact to feel good, one person cannot impose his visual will on another; it is a shared experience. Perhaps eyes meet only for a second at first; one partner then tests the waters and tries a few seconds, and when that is met warmly, the pair can begin ramping up the eye contact together until they are locked in a beautiful dance of eyes and gazes.”
• Focus on one eye at a time and switch between them. (this was problematic for me).
• When you break your gaze, look to the side, not down. (this I will work on for sure).

@Preety_India Doing it right now. After reading about the importance of it, I thought intermittently is not enough. Maybe it is. As Serotoninluv said, too strong could become creepy. 

Thank you for your tips! <3 

[Deezeetho]

4 hours ago, Amilaer--- said:

Hey,

I am trying to get better in laser eye contact with girls. I focus on it so much that I am losing topics we chat about or stop listening to her.. Normally I am very extrovert, talkative etc. but this practice takes away, for example, my witty repartee . 

I got it that more practice will make me better in it, but looking constantly on my friend's eyes is getting super weird ?.

Any tips except more practice? 

Thanks. 

There's a risk in creeping people out. Its more promising to just talk to girls and set the pace. You started it. Bring fun. Be lively. Hold eye contact after you made contact. 

Breathe. Shallow breathing indicates tension. Recognition is the first step to relinquish tension. Breathe deeper. Ground yourself. 

Recognize that tension exists still but breathing deeper helps subside the tension. Its still there but, the frequency is lowered. 

You are safe. Its OK. I suspect that trauma starts with, "don't talk to strangers."

[Leo Gura]

Of course it will feel unnatural at first. You keep practicing it until you can stare and talk at the same time.

The nice thing about deep eye contact is that it's so powerful that much less needs to be said.

I would focus less on being a chatterbox and more on transmitting seductive and sexual energy through your gaze.

Also, slow down the rate of your speech. Slow and steady.