Addicted to thinking?

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

I've always been kind of a loner, so thinking has been an integral part of my life. I was enjoying this very active mind of mine for most of my life!

I didn't talk to a lot of people, so I focused my energy on my excessive day dreaming instead. Then I did magic truffles once...

 

I saw how I didn't just have an "active mind". No, I was getting LOST in my thoughts!

I saw how I was getting lost in a world of ideas, concepts and fantasies!

It's not just my thoughts though. I always have a strong need to be doing something. Literally just anything.

Sometimes I just sit there, watching mediocre videos about topics I don't really care about, because I always have the need to be doing something.

I am running on low energy on default, so spending the energy the I DO have on this kind of bullshit is just a waste...

But I have to start from somewhere. And I think the best place to start with is my mind.

 

I am doing meditation already. It helped me a lot over the last few months, but I am still too focused on my mind!

I've now stated a journal on top of my meditation practice and it helps a little, but I am STILL to focused on my mind!

I sometimes just sit there day dreaming, being AWARE of myself day dreaming, but not being able to stop because it just feel so damn good!

And that's the point! It's like an addiction! I WANT to stop, but it just feels so good that I can't!

 

I have a VERY strong ego, so is it just my ego trying to survive?

 

It feels like something is trying to keep me distracted!

Most of my life has been built around those distractions, but I never assumed that there was anything wrong with it.

I just wanted to have "fun"!

 

I am now 22 years old. I realized that there was something wrong with the way I live just like 8 months ago.

All of these things are a pretty big part of my ego and I can't see beyond my ego yet.

That means that they are a big part of who I am, since I haven't experienced anything else but the ego!

 

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How do I deal with all of this?

How do I let go of my mind and my thoughts?

How do I step out of my mind?

And why do I resist letting go?

Do I just keep meditating and writing my journal?

Is there more to this kind of growth than just practice?

Where does such understanding come from?

Experience? Something higher than that?

I feel a lot of confusion about these things.

I've seen a lot of theories about the ego, the mind and all that other stuff.

But all it has done is clutter my mind with even more concepts and ideas on how I SHOULD act.

 

Do you have any tips for my situation?

Or am I just being too impatient?

 

Thanks in advance!

Edited January 27, 2020 by DefinitelyNotARobot
I have my reasons!

[inFlow]

22 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

And why do I resist letting go?

 

Cause the always on thinking that's going on in your head is a huge part of your ego. If you change something it will resist the change no matter what it would be. It wont feel "right" to not think. Be aware of that.

25 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

How do I deal with all of this?

 

At least for me, Kriya Yoga helped a lot, but I keep rubbing it to everyone that it's good. For me it's #1 so I only recommend it. Other techniques also quiet the mind, but not so much compared to Kriya.

When you meditate breathe very very slowly. As slow as you can while you remain a comfortable pace. The mind works with the breath, the slower you breathe the slower it works (monkey mind), at some point it should just shut down for a while. Kriya can go to a point where there you would experience "no mind consciousness"

[Ero]

@DefinitelyNotARobot What you describe is not exclusive to you, yet you have constructed a personal story out of it. Neither your daily experience (thoughts, being a loner, being excausted, watching random vids) , nor your psychedelic one is in some shape or form something abnormal. That is what it is at the starting line. I went through it. Others have went through it. Your mind is chaotic and intense when your consciousness is unpure, when you are way too rigid within a story, the way you currently are. There is only one antidote. To start changing your life. Spirituality is way to advanced for you, for your mind is not ready for it. Focus on sorting your life first. Start going out, socialising, get a girlfriend, start an active workout practice, change your diet, regulate your sleep, travel some. You literally have nothing to rush for. If you try to force it, you'll remain with a lot of shadows and unprocessed desires - something that if you're so eager to do by all means go for it, but I do not advise it at all. 

Edited January 27, 2020 by Ero

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@inFlow Sounds interesting! I'll check it out! Do you have any good material for getting into Kriya Yoga?
Maybe a YouTube video that helped you? Or a website that offers some information?

@Ero True. It's not exclusive to me, but I just don't know anything else. So it feels kind of hard to get out of this state of mind. I tell myself a lot of those stories, even though I do understand that it's all just happening in my mind. But why? Where does that come from? Why does the mind keep telling itself all those stories? Is that just the nature of the ego? Also how do you know when you are ready for spiritual work? I suppose you just "know"?

[inFlow]

57 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Do you have any good material for getting into Kriya Yoga?

http://www.kriyayogainfo.net/index.html just some free info. I highly recommend the book "J.C. Stevens - Kriya Secrets Revieled". Take time to think if you are willing to take Yoga seriously, it's quite powerful if done right, plus it gives a lot of benefits compared to regular traditional meditation

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@inFlow I've been thinking about establishing a Yoga habit for a couple of weeks now, so this is pretty convenient! Thank you!

[inFlow]

@DefinitelyNotARobot I hope you understand that this is not a physical style Yoga, this is a meditative Yoga.

[inFlow]

http://www.kriyaunion.net/

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@inFlow Yeah I read a little bit about it. Also thanks for the links!

[luckieluuke]

@DefinitelyNotARobot I year ya! One thing that has helped me is doing art. For me painting. It helps me express myself but not via ideas or thinking. Dancing and singing is pretty awesome to  But it could be whatever. Hmm maybe Poetry or writing is less effective as you use words and abstract thinking

[Nahm]

5 hours ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

How do I deal with all of this?

Notice there’s no “all of this”. You’ll never find an “all of this” to “deal with”. You’ll only find one arising thought at a time.  “All of this”, is one thought. Just one thought. Watch it come, watch it go, see that it’s one thought. The thought implies content “all of this”...but “all of this” is not actual, it’s a thought.

Another such thought... “my mind”. Never seen it. Never will see it, because it’s a thought. Believing that thought doesn’t feel good, and leaves you “having to protect” a made up “me”, to which a “my mind” “belongs”. “My mind” is a single thought, just like “big foot is real”... is a single thought. 

If the thought “I’m a blue tulip” arose, you wouldn’t believe it. You wouldn’t be considering if it was true or not. But the thought “I’ve always been kind of loner” arises, and you miss that’s it’s only a thought, and immediately believe it & express it.  A thought about you can not be true...as you are already the awareness, aware of the thought. It only seems true if you believe the thought. Believing self referential thinking keeps you feeling separate, as if your thought implying there’s a  “you”  “out there somewhere” were true...the whole time you are the awareness, aware of the thoughts.  

Meditation helps, as you witness the coming & going nature of thoughts, rather than believing them & reacting. Meditation could be seen as the opposite of reactionary thinking & expressing. Instead of reacting, you get the opportunity to see that thoughts come & go. It becomes much easier to choose good feeling thoughts, which create the life you want. 

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How do I let go of my mind and my thoughts?

“My mind” is a thought. 

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How do I step out of my mind?

There’s nothing to step out of. That’s a wild goose chase. As a concession but pointer...consider we’re all sharing Mind here, and you’re claiming it, pretending you own it. That perspective sheds a different light. 

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And why do I resist letting go?

Fear. Since you’re believing the thoughts....you’re believing you’d lose something. Fundamentally, there’s the belief you could lose something, which you actually can’t. First the thought “something separate” is believed, then the thought “I could lose it” is believed. Thus the thoughts “I need X” are believed. Again, meanwhile, thoughts are simply arising to awareness, to be chosen from, to create the life you want. There’s nothing to learn per se...suffering is already and always has been teaching you this. Also, suffering is itself a thought, or rather the believing of a thought which doesn’t feel good, because it’s not true. 

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Do I just keep meditating and writing my journal?

If it’s leading to feeling better and better. Do the inspection work too. 

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Is there more to this kind of growth than just practice?

Yes, inspecting the believing of the thoughts. Inspecting the beliefs. 

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Where does such understanding come from?

You are understanding itself. (It’s a thought about understanding, as if it were separate)  

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Experience? Something higher than that?

I feel a lot of confusion about these things.

I've seen a lot of theories about the ego, the mind and all that other stuff.

But all it has done is clutter my mind with even more concepts and ideas on how I SHOULD act.

Break that loop now by acknowledging this is not something that was done to you....you continue to do this simply by believing the thoughts. 

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Do you have any tips for my situation?

Or am I just being too impatient?

Inspect your belief in judgement. Root it out. You’ve never actually judged yourself once, ever. Just been believing thoughts, one at a time...that you are judging yourself. What is this self you are judging? 

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@luckieluuke I agree with this! I personally love to make music! Music is great and it frees me a lot!

@Nahm I enjoyed your post! Pretty helpful!

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consider we’re all sharing Mind here, and you’re claiming it, pretending you own it.

This one made me think... Hmm. Can I ask you what you mean when you say mind? What is that mind we are all sharing here? I am asking this because the scientific definition of mind describes a set of cognitive features. But that seems like a rather simplistic way of thinking about "mind". What would your definition of mind be? If it's definable that is.

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Fear. Since you’re believing the thoughts....you’re believing you’d lose something.

Makes sense. I once almost had an ego death, but something resisted. It felt like going insane. Letting go of the mind felt like letting go of the thing "that kept me safe". I felt like I was going to do something reckless for example. Something irrational and stupid. I only realized that I had nothing to worry about after the trip was over.

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thoughts are simply arising to awareness, to be chosen from, to create the life you want.

Hmm. I can only think about one thing at a time, so thinking about something that creates unhappiness seems rather backwards. But are you saying that you should let go of "unwanted" thoughts to make room for wanted thought? Or shouldn't you believe thoughts at all? Not even a pleasant one?

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Yes, inspecting the believing of the thoughts. Inspecting the beliefs.

What is the best way to inspect a thought? Is it by contemplation, or is it by simple observation? Or is there a better technique? I find that writing a journal helps me see how fragile some thoughts really are. I sometimes write down a thought and immediately question the legitimacy of that thought. That usually doesn't happen when I'm just day dreaming, only when I write the journal.

 

Thanks for the answers guys!

[Nahm]

15 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

What is that mind we are all sharing here?

Ineffable...but it might be helpful here to say... “that mind”... is Self. Mind = Self.  Rather than Self, has a mind. Self is Mind. 

“Sharing it” was a relative statement, in hope of it being a pointing from where’ you’re at, so to speak. More accurately...it’s not being shared. Each one, as in, each person, is Self. Is Mind. Mind = Self. 

15 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

I am asking this because the scientific definition of mind describes a set of cognitive features. But that seems like a rather simplistic way of thinking about "mind". What would your definition of mind be? If it's definable that is.

It’s not definable, it’s awareness of...definitions. It’s the very awareness of  thought about “science”, “cognitive features”.

It is also the science and cognitive features. Doesn’t seem so, if the thought “my mind” is repeated enough. 

21 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Letting go of the mind felt like letting go of the thing "that kept me safe".

Self is mind. You’re Awareness....no matter what you do, what you think, or where you go....there is no escaping you are the Awareness of. 

Believing “I am sane”, is actually not sane at all. It is believing I am a separate entity, which has a separate mind, which is sane...while you’re actually infinite consciousness, infinite awareness. Believing such a thought or perspective, will keep the thoughts searching for a resolve...which there isn’t, because the belief was not true to begin with. 

Keeping a body safe is one thing...but believing “I’m keeping myself safe”, reveals what “identifying with the body” points to. 

26 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Hmm. I can only think about one thing at a time, so thinking about something that creates unhappiness seems rather backwards. But are you saying that you should let go of "unwanted" thoughts to make room for wanted thought? Or shouldn't you believe thoughts at all? Not even a pleasant one?

Great question. The thoughts are awareness. They’re not separate. If you choose the thought “I suck and I’m not getting anywhere in life”....you won’t be doing anything you want to be doing. If you believe the thought “I’m fine, what do I want to do?” Then you do it...and as such, what transpires which otherwise wouldn’t have, is creation. You could say this is you ‘creating the life you want’, and it is...also, this is literal...this is how everything is presently being created. By humans, choosing thoughts. How did everything that was already here, get here? Like the sun, the earth, etc? You created that to. You’re creating it right now. You just forgot who you are, so that this experience could be. You are The Oneness...in having forgot who you are, you...appear to yourself...as Twoness (thoughts & things)...thoughts are things....appearance of You = “things”.

32 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

What is the best way to inspect a thought?

Writing it down, and writing the opposite thought next to it. Seeing there is truth in both perspectives. (Transcending paradox) You’ll also reveal to yourself, how and why you identified with the one way of seeing something, by seeing the truth in the opposite perspective. You can change perspectives effortlessly, easier than shoes. 

32 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Is it by contemplation, or is it by simple observation?

That is contemplation & observation. It’s observing each thought...and contemplating the opposite...and realizing no thought is true. Thoughts are made of awareness...Truth. 

If thoughts were made of legos....then no matter what you made of legos....like a truck....the appearance would be “a truck”...the actuality would be, legos. 

32 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Or is there a better technique? I find that writing a journal helps me see how fragile some thoughts really are.

Journaling is great. That a thought is fragile...is just a thought. No need to believe it. 

32 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

I sometimes write down a thought and immediately question the legitimacy of that thought. That usually doesn't happen when I'm just day dreaming, only when I write the journal.

Unless you’re daydreaming some kind of terrible feeling nightmares or something...there’s no need to inspect the day dreaming. Daydream the life you want, right into reality. Daydream the most wonderful life and experiences you can, and write them on your dream board...all of it is already now on it’s way. New inspiration arises, and renewed awareness in letting resistant thoughts go arises. 

[VeganAwake]

meditation meditation meditation..

❤

"chitta vritti nirodha" refers to stilling the mind in order to experience Ultimate Reality and move toward Self-realization.

chitta vritti nirodha:

is Patanjali’s definition of yoga. It means that yoga is the removing of the fluctuations of the mind.

Yoga is the stilling of the mind until it rests in a state of total and utter tranquility, so that one experiences life as it is: as Reality.

One experiences life through the clearest of lenses — lenses not colored by thoughts of good or bad, or mine or yours. When the fluctuations of the mind are totally removed, we are at one with everything and all that is.

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@Nahm Thanks, that was pretty insightful!

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Writing it down, and writing the opposite thought next to it. Seeing there is truth in both perspectives.

Sounds interesting! I gotta try it out!

@VeganAwake Thanks! Any specific Yoga style you would recommend me? inFlow already recommended Kriya Yoga, so I think I will try it out.

I'd also like to know how your meditation/yoga schedule looks like! Do you do both? Everyday? Or do you mediate everyday while you do Yoga every other day? I currently meditate 30 minutes a day and I still have some time to spare. How much would you recommend to a beginner?

[VeganAwake]

@DefinitelyNotARobot

Sounds like you have a good plan.

Really any practice that works on quieting the constant mind chatter is a good idea.

When The Chronic thoughts are no longer entertained by the individual the energy will start to dissipate ❤

I would sometimes do a couple 10-minute meditation sessions in the bathroom at work on top of my 20 minutes at the end of the day. ?

I noticed mixing it up throughout the day is a good idea.

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

Thanks everybody!

I appreciate your help!

Peace! ✌️