I don't like to set boundaries in relationships. Why do you set boundaries?

[DrewNows]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

If someone doesn't want to give you respect you can't change it, absolutely nothing can be done. Honesty comes from an honest person. Respect comes from a person who is respectful of others. It cannot be coerced. Certainly it can be gained from threatening constantly. But I'm not the kind of woman who constantly says, "do this for me or else I'm breaking up"  manipulating and blackmailing is not my thing. I don't want to command respect from a man by constantly keeping him on the edge.. Because then it's fake and out of fear. I want genuine love and respect and if he can't give, I can deserve better. 

You can't beg respect. 

So the best thing for me was to just walk away as any woman with respect would do and I did just that. 

Where there is no respect there is no love. 

 

 

 

Let me try again. We will always get what we deserve, and what we deserve is what we allow/approve of. Expressing your boundaries doesn't have to be a form of manipulation and blackmail. This would be in a dynamic where walls have already been breached. What i am trying to say is you can express your needs very clearly, courteously, respectfully if you change the beliefs you hold about your self worth. There's a problem with wanting love and respect but not actually believing you deserve it. This makes things unclear, even messy, so you have to learn how to "come off" as selfish in your own eyes to ask for what you desire

[assx95]

3 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

. Can you see the value in bringing love/attention to yourself without anyone else? It's a practice of putting your needs first before the needs of others, so they will reciprocate the same kind of respect toward you

Kind of. I am working on being unconditionally happy. 

[DrewNows]

1 minute ago, assx95 said:

Kind of. I am working on being unconditionally happy. 

excellent, i do the same, my primary practice is self observation so i can see if what im bringing forth is what actually makes me feel good. My attachment style is the fearful avoidant a.k.a disorganized or mirror empath 

[DrewNows]

This is an amazing channel explaining attachment styles and relationship dynamics, this specific video is about guilt @Preety_India this might be a good video for you  

Edited December 13, 2019 by DrewNows

[Preety_India]

41 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

This is an amazing channel explaining attachment styles and relationship dynamics, this specific video is about guilt @Preety_India this might be a good video for you  

Thanks. But I don't need all those now. I have already moved on. For me every relationship has been a different experience. I haven't been the same person or had the same attachment or whatever style in every relationship. Those are like patterns. My experiences have been dramatically different in each relationship I have had. It has been a learning experience for me in not only getting to know myself better but also in knowing the type of people to avoid. 

I can sit here and watch thousands of relationship videos but it's no good because it makes matters worse sometimes since everything in western psychology is looked at from a psychological disease angle. Our emotions are our own emotions and they have validity. If I constantly feel that there is something wrong with me, I'll never be able to be myself 

I'm just a normal person with normal needs in a relationship. If I feel a certain way, chances are that most people would feel the same way in similar situations. 

All I have gleaned from my terrible relationship experiences is this. 

When a relationship doesn't serve my purpose, I should just move on. If I get love, respect and care I'll reciprocate or else there is nothing worth waiting for. 

It's just simple. This whole attraction game is bullshit.

Do what your heart wants and be with someone who truly resonates with you. Then no relationship advice is needed. 

[DrewNows]

@Preety_India it’s about understanding yourself and whomever you are with. Not the relationship but the people in it. Anyways I understand, and also you probably don’t wish to to see yourself flawed or imperfect, don’t forget, your good actions and mistakes dont define you. In fact no thoughts could come close to defining what makes you you, except maybe infinite potential, cheers 

[Amandine]

On 11/12/2019 at 0:37 PM, Elisabeth said:

@assx95 Boundaries is something you set for yourself to follow (as you correctly did in "if she's seeing another guy, I'm not texting her again") to protect yourself from harm. Emotional hurt is also harm - and to keep loving someone who doesn't love you too usually hurts. So a boundary would be to do yourself a favor and let the thoughts and feelings go, gently, but as soon as possible. 

@Elisabeth I love that. 

 

@DrewNows Thanks for the channel, just that one video reminded me of a few essential things.  

Edited December 15, 2019 by Amandine