Is tripping on Acid a good idea right now?

[ChrisK]

Hey there!

I would basically have some input on whether or not tripping is a good idea for me right now or not.
I am very much drawn towards taking Acid in the near future for some perspective and insight, but I am also extremely afraid of doing it. My biggest fear is losing my mind and getting lost in something like what you might consider a mental hell.

I have never experienced real ego death, only maybe the very first signs of it but even that was scary and overwhelming to me. One example is, I was just sitting on a couch with my eyes closed (with a few other people around) and as I opened them I was preparing some food for myself, only to realize that it was not me making the food but our sitter and I was still sitting on the couch with my eyes closed. This experience really scared me back then.

Now I am actually looking forward to experience that again, this time better prepared. Set and setting were not optimal back then, but if I will do it again my closest friend will sit me back at my home, to make it feel as safe as possible.
Also whenever I meditate I really feel like doing psychedelics again could very much benefit me. Some of that motivation is me being impatient and wanting to see what's possible. I also did some microdosing lately and even then I got an extreme rush of anxiety and fear like I never felt before around the time the substance should take effect.

Some things I currently struggle with are fear of rejection, fear of being inherently wrong/being a mistake at my core and not good enough and I really fear that I am in a way condemned to leading a unfullfilling life. I hope that psychedelics may give me a new perspective on some of these issues, espacially the victim mentality. I really don't think that I am just fucked no matter what, but I don't know if it is a good idea to take psychedelics right now or if that would be pushing it too hard and I should do some more work on myself until I am in a better place mentally.

I really want to trip again since I do think that psychedelics hold enourmous potential for personal growth and I want to start using them more often, espacially microdosing.
So any thoughts and opinions are very welcome, espacially if you have any recommendations for practices or ways in which way I can work towards facing my fears.

Thank you in advance and have a great day!!!

[Forestluv]

Welcome to the forum! 
 

To me, it sounds like there is a genuine calling toward psychedelics. I felt a similar calling and in spite of anxiety issues, I went through it and glad I did. One thing I’ve learned is that mindset has an impact. If my mantra is “I’m an anxious person. This process of ego death is going to be hard. I’ve read a lot of rough trip reports. I’m going to get anxious. I hope I don’t panic”. That sets up a self fulfilling prophecy and increases the chance of a rough trip. Yet the process of transcending requires a form of letting go and surrender. Part of the growth and awakening for me involved anxiety, yet we don’t want it so intense that is is traumatic.

You can start low and incrementally increase the dosage as you get experience. You can create a comfortable, safe setting and get yourself in a good space during the come up. Rather than worry, you could put some music on dance, be silly, dance and giggle. You can have various options of activity. If too much anxiety and you get into a dark place, do something different. A change can make a huge difference. Go into a different room. Put on some music. Close your eyes and watch CEVs. Put on a movie. Become immersed in observing a painting or a flower. . . . Also, the nI etymology period is only part of the trip. During the trip, there is loss of time and it seems forever, yet it’s often just a half hour or so. And realize that anxiety is just one component. Trips also involve depths of beauty, love and amazement beyond description.

Also, some psychedelics have less headspace than others. Al-lad and 4-ho-met are gentle headspace.

[ChrisK]

19 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

 

 Rather than worry, you could put some music on dance, be silly, dance and giggle. You can have various options of activity. If too much anxiety and you get into a dark place, do something different. A change can make a huge difference. Go into a different room. Put on some music. Close your eyes and watch CEVs. Put on a movie. Become immersed in observing a painting or a flower. . . . Also, the nI etymology period is only part of the trip. During the trip, there is loss of time and it seems forever, yet it’s often just a half hour or so. And realize that anxiety is just one component. Trips also involve depths of beauty, love and amazement beyond description.

 

Thank you and thank you for your answer!! This already helped alot!

Another question I had was If i can have a positive experience in spite of initial fear and your reply also semms to confirm that psychedelics give you the experience you need and not the experience you want. I just realized that I am very strict with myself because I considered dancing etc. a way of the ego to distract itself and as a sign of weakness.. Writing this out makes it bloody obious how stupid that is to beat myself up over this.

Can you explain what you mean with the "nl mytology period" ?

[cetus]

@ChrisK Trip on this-

      ( thought it was too good not to share)

 

[universe]

Id advise you first work on yourself more before taking drugs again.

Look up the sedona method. Do the work. You will face your emotions/fear. You will finally feel completely rejected and completely wrong. Your body will shake from intense emotions. And you will accept that. And you will see that you can be absolutely ok with that. And your problems will be gone.

Dont need psychedelics for that.

[Forestluv]

On 10/26/2019 at 7:31 PM, ChrisK said:

Can you explain what you mean with the "nl mytology period" ?

Wow, that was a weird auto/-correct error.

I meant when there is anxiety/discomfort it is often in the come-up before the peak and perhaps part of the peak. If there is awareness of this, it makes it easier to ride out. One source of anxiety is not being able to differentiate between “real” and “unreal”. The “unreal” becomes “real” and that can be scary. 
 

As an example, I was in Medellin, Columbia with a gal I had just met the previous day. We planned to spend the day together and she was ok with me taking a light dose of shrooms. Due to the setting, I took a low dose, just enough to spice up the day. We are sitting in a cafe and the come-up is much stronger than I predicted. I’ve tripped enough to know this was going to be a major challenge. The anxiety kicked in that I was about to lose control in some cafe in Columbia and anything could happen. I turned to her and said “the next 45 minutes are going to be really hard for me. Please be gentle and go with my flow”. . . Then all of reality became a computer simulation. I was in a computer simulated cafe and I didn’t know who and what was real or unreal. Then the waiter came to the table and we looked in each other’s eyes and I knew we were the only two real things in this reality. And the waiter knew that I was tripping and we were the only two real things in the cafe. Yet I didn’t know the role or intention of the waiter. I was right in the edge of losing it and felt a desire to stand up and yell “It’s all a simulation!!! None of you are real!!!”. Then I remembered a very important piece of advice someone gave me “Noone knows you are tripping and freaking out on the inside unless you let them know you are freaking out on the inside”. . . So then I thought, “All I need to do is pretend like everything is real. If everything was real, how could a person get out of here without making a scene”. I then told the gal and waiter that I had stomach pain and I needed our food boxed up and I needed to leave. The gal and I walked to a park bench away from people. It took about 20min for the wave to pass and then a whole new world opened up. Everything was beauty and love. I felt inter-connected to everyone and every thing. We walked to an area of local art vendors. Their hand-made art was sooo beautiful and I talked for hours with them about how they craft their art, what it was like growing up in Colombia, about their families. And the trees, birds, flowers, sunshine and creek was so magnificent. I could barely handle all the beauty and love. . .
 

So a trip may get uncomfortable, yet keep in mind - noone knows you are tripping unless you let them know. You can feel anxiety and appear normal. Also, the discomfort may only last for a little bit. It’s not forever. A change in setting can make a huge difference and anxiety can quickly be transformed into beauty and love.  

[Nahm]

If you were tripping on acid right now, this would be a really weird post to read.

[Forestluv]

45 minutes ago, Nahm said:

If you were tripping on acid right now, this would be a really weird post to read.

Sometimes I’m with normies telling a story and suddenly realize this sounds really weird to them. Then I’m like “crap, how am I gonna backtrack outta this?.”. . . “Uuhh, then I woke up and realized it was all a dream. . . How about those Tigers? Heck of a game last night, eh?”

[Nahm]

@Serotoninluv The other day I said “if you put how you feel first, and look at this differently, it’ll change in accordance right before your eyes”...inner monologue...”what did I just go and do”.

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Serotoninluv The other day I said “if you put how you feel first, and look at this differently, it’ll change in accordance right before your eyes”...inner monologue...”what did I just go and do”.

For sure. Spoken stories and thought stories --- all stories of creation. Lots of thought stories could appear. Rather than a thought story of "Oh crap, I'm feeling anxiety now, they must think this is weird. How can I backtrack out of this?" another thought story could appear like "I am playing the role of a mad scientist and I have my audience right where I want them. I'm feeling anxious because I can't wait to see their reaction when I tell them the Big Finale". . . Fun stuff.

[ChrisK]

Thanks to all your responses!!

 

@cetus56 Thats awesome! I have no idea what I should make out of this right now and i think thats beautiful! I will keep it in mind when the time comes! 

 

@universe I looked around a little (in the forum and google) and I guess you mean the practice of letting go, or at least something in that direction? I wasen't even aware that Leo talked aboput this in his first ever videos and I thank you for sharing it! I really feel like this will be the gamechanger for me. I tried a varation of it yesterday (remember unpleasent event, focus on unpleasent feeling in body and just look at it). I noticed there is soooo much tension in me that it feels really unpleasent focusing on it for a few minutes and I am baffled that I am walking around with this all day and did not really notice until now. But I am able to feel into it, so I am very optimistic that I can make some progress there.

@Serotoninluv Thanks for sharing! This isn't really something anyone would want to experience in a café I guess^^ But I see that even those experiences can have their significance for ones growth if you can accept them. Maybe loosing my mind will be what I need if I even coem that far

 

For now I think I will have a go at it around christmas and until then I really want to look into the sedona method(or practice letting go etc. , I think they point in the same direction from what I can tell right now).  

[cetus]

5 hours ago, ChrisK said:

 Thats awesome! I have no idea what I should make out of this right now and i think thats beautiful! I will keep it in mind when the time comes! 

 

@ChrisK Thanks. My take on it was 'linear time arising in the eye of the perceiver'.