Clearing Out

[mandyjw]

Favorite song right now for whatever reason. 

 

[mandyjw]

“Child,’ said the Lion, ‘I am telling you your story, not hers. No one is told any story but their own.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy

[mandyjw]

Planning out my next youtube video, feeling a bit self conscious because I just finished watching Leo's newest video and at the end Leo says not to copy him and make youtube videos, so I wrote in all caps on the top of the notebook page CREATE, and the word ATE jumped out at me.

creATE

There's nothing new under the sun. Consume, be inspired, inspire, copy, reproduce, you can't ever not be uniquely you, and you can't ever be separately and completely unique. 

Jesus said to them, "Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.

And... right now my daughter is banging on the keyboard and singing, " I don't care what you SAY, I just do what I DO!" 

Edited December 29, 2019 by mandyjw

[Raptorsin7]

@mandyjw

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Leo says not to copy him and make youtube videos

If you provide a unique perspective then there is nothing wrong with covering similar material imo. Leo is not the first guy to discuss non-dual teachings and self help. Every topics he's covered has been covered already. Just give it your own spin and try to provide some unique insights.

Your videos could resonate with someone that would never consider watching Leo. 

[mandyjw]

@Raptorsin7 Thank you. 

 

[mandyjw]

What is the difference between mind fucking and gas lighting?

Consent.

What is necessary for true consent?

Desire.

As much as I adore Abraham Hicks I heard one of her segments that she wasn't quite "on" for. Which is expected and fine because she is human. 

Is compassion for someone's pain while only seeing the good or seeing through to the truth and purpose beyond possible? Seeing is not ignoring, is not resisting. 

Happy New year everyone. Last year the word "clarity" came to me as something I wanted, and I wasn't disappointed. This year it's what I want again, I want to "see" 20/20 in 2020. 

I understand how clarity leads to paradise and paradise leads to clarity, how they are the same thing, but also a sort of "duality" within nonduality and enlightenment. 

I also want to become a real life Disney princess/witch/Christian missionary because since there is no time, all my desires and visions over my entire life are going to be rolled into one now.  This will include making the continued goal over the year to continue exploring and learning bird, plant and mushroom identification. 

https://www.allaboutbirds.org/news/how-to-learn-bird-songs-and-calls/?fbclid=IwAR3iRmuf5NQqrSPXgDgmabn-KlI6Br9iOzPjTzuYwLWHtivLkE9w92axTkQ

I also want to write a book. I just don't know which or when yet. 

And I'm going to paint the hallway where my dream board is going yellow, because the color yellow keeps coming to me. And I'm going to put an enormous dream board up. 

[mandyjw]

Feeling like complaining because I feel like I've got a lot to complain about. Of course this is never true, it's a feeling, it's relative and there's always a choice.  I can ask myself if I'd like to complain or if I'd like to feel better.

Hard to answer that truthfully sometimes. 

Instead, I'm going to write out some things I want. 

I want my husband to make it home safe with the rental car and I want to find a good solution to our car problem whether its fixable or we have to get something else.

I want to be ok with spending money and I want to make more money too.

I want my life and schedule to go back to normal and to get some good creative work time in.

I want to feel like I'm in control of my responsibilities and doing right by my kids.

I want them to learn good habits and good manners.

I want to be able to meditate pain free.

I want a good balanced life, I want to feel like I have an abundance of time for spirituality, for what inspires me and also be taking good care of practical things and have a clean home.

I want to feel like I have an abundance of time and money. I want to feel like I deserve and can handle the abundance of love that is a two adorable kids and a puppy. Between the three of them there's SO much new innocent abundant love and SO little common sense. 

 

And some things I'm grateful for.

The fact that I know and have seen that it's all love in disguise and I am the one who decides my course and focus. 

People who inspire me.

The Easter egg hunt of synchronicity and those times when I tap into timeless memory/desires . 

A couple trips I just planned that I'm looking forward to in the spring. 

The abundant life I've already managed to build in struggle and ignorance and mostly blind hope and desire because Mandy gets what Mandy wants. Or "things are always working out for me." Something like that. 

The fact that that there's no one to thank, blame or live up to. It's already done. 

 

 

 

[mandyjw]

Someone (made me? no) out of love gave me the opportunity to become conscious of the fact that I still cling to my "role" in thought. This reminds me of Eckhart Tolle talking about this and then of the Flylady self help system designed for overwhelmed housewives that preaches at you not to be a martyr. Why are some of the most basic things the trickiest to actualize? 

I never understood that negativity and complaint is the ego, but it's not that simple, because you can say something negative and complain but it's the inner state of feeling bad or off that indicates if it's truly a complaint or negative. You can be in alignment and be negative, aggressive, angry and complain. But usually these things feel awful and so it's easier to say that they are ego until this is seen through by the experience of them themselves. 

I use the fact that I have so many responsibilities to wallow around and keep me from what I want which in turn keeps me from wanting the responsibilities which were originally some of my biggest most important desires. If I just stay with the want, the timeless want, the satisfaction/inspiration of it all there is no role but "inspired doing". 

Abraham Hicks says that overwhelm is wanting more than you're letting in or allowing. What is it that says no? The inner complaint. 

Why does it feel so threatening to accept that it's all love? Would we just literally disperse into oneness if we were fully aware? Are we the balance keepers, and the balance we seek is the point on the edge in which we can see the view from the mountain in it's full panoramic glory and yet not slip and fall to our deaths? 

 

[mandyjw]

I want to get better at dealing with this groundless feeling. I want to want this groundless feeling. Why should it hurt to let go of things you never wanted? Because of focus. I want to focus more. 

This was my big insight last night.   paradISe

[mandyjw]

 

[mandyjw]

For some reason this morning right after I woke up I was thinking about the theme of the movie Coraline which I watched a couple days ago because I got really sick, and the similar theme to the end of Gone With the Wind. Coraline wants to lose herself world of fantasy and perfection over her reality threatens Coraline but is overcome. The other mother wants her eyes in exchange for buttons, she must sell her soul. Scarlet is ruined because she creates a fantasy in her own head she won't let go of, which drives as she manages her survival during the worst of circumstances. When she is allowed the thing she wants, she realized she had what she wanted yet never wanted it and never wanted what she could not have. Lately I've fallen into a depression or non depression where my days are fine, but I look forward to sleeping and it's the highlight of my existence. A frequent thing that happens in the winter.

This morning I wrote this out as a response to a question in a conversation about beauty and then discovered this new Lana Del Rey song. 

Beauty is always an illusion that occurs, no one or nothing has it. It's a tool the light beneath it uses. 

I've never been able to figure out if I'm attractive or unattractive. Attraction is something that happens sometimes. I've never managed to attach or detach to it one way or the other for very long, the pain of going back and forth of trying to do that isn't worth it. It's just something that happens, a meeting or resonance in the eye of the perceiver that has little to do with objective reality. That's all. 

The "ground" we all pretend to have agreed on, so we can make assumptions about each other and interact with each other based on those assumptions.  We all have preferences, we seem to be programmed to resonate with certain things and some of them we seem to have in common, or they are agreed on by most people in our surroundings. Like how many people love the color blue, etc. No one can say the color blue is beautiful. There are a few people who hate blue. But if you make something in blue it will almost always sell quicker than other colors. You can derive rules from observing enough people and manipulate them to sell things, or predict their behavior based on these collective assumptions.

If everyone made everything blue people would gravitate to other colors. Variety and rarity are factors that make someone take notice and appreciate. If you question it long enough or poll enough people you realize that attraction is just a phenomenon that occurs only in the experiencer itself, and it can happen on different depths and levels. 

'Cause you're just a man
It's just what you do
Your head in your hands
As you color me blue
Yeah, you're just a man
All through and through
Your head in your hands
As you color me blue
Blue, blue, blue'

I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be ugly. I don't want to successful, I don't not want to be successful. I don't know how to be free of these things except by opting out. I want to opt out of this game and I just want to go to sleep. Change my eyes to buttons Mommy. 

The stupid idiot never realized what it was he was being enchanted by. 

The lilies of the field never toiled. I want to feel the way I feel about a sunny field of wildflowers. I want to go to sleep there and wake up as one of them.

[mandyjw]

 

[allislove]

Always LOVE YOUr videos 

[Shin]

Is that a Louisiana accent ? ?

[mandyjw]

@Shin Nope. I have an accent?

[Shin]

2 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@Shin Nope. I have an accent?

Yes, I don't know which though.

 

[mandyjw]

@Shin I know I have a bit of one, but I'm not giving it away. 

 

[mandyjw]

A New Rule

It is the rule with drunkards to fall upon each other,
to quarrel, become violent, and make a scene.
The lover is even worse than a drunkard.
I will tell you what love is: to enter a mine of gold.
And what is that gold?

The lover is a king above all kings,
unafraid of death, not at all interested in a golden crown.
The dervish has a pearl concealed under his patched cloak.
Why should he go begging door to door?

Last night that moon came along,
drunk, dropping clothes in the street.
“Get up,” I told my heart, “Give the soul a glass of wine.
The moment has come to join the nightingale in the garden,
to taste sugar with the soul-parrot.”

I have fallen, with my heart shattered –
where else but on your path? And I
broke your bowl, drunk, my idol, so drunk,
don’t let me be harmed, take my hand.

A new rule, a new law has been born:
break all the glasses and fall toward the glassblower. -Rumi

[mandyjw]

THE SHIP SUNK IN LOVE

Should Love’s heart rejoice unless I burn?
For my heart is Love’s dwelling.
If You will burn Your house, burn it, Love!
Who will say, ‘It’s not allowed’?
Burn this house thoroughly!
The lover’s house improves with fire.
From now on I will make burning my aim,
From now on I will make burning my aim,
for I am like the candle: burning only makes me brighter.
Abandon sleep tonight; traverse fro one night
the region of the sleepless.
Look upon these lovers who have become distraught
and like moths have died in union with the One Beloved.
Look upon this ship of God’s creatures
and see how it is sunk in Love. -Rumi

 

THE AWAKENING

In the early dawn of happiness
you gave me three kisses
so that I would wake up
to this moment of love

I tried to remember in my heart
what I’d dreamt about
during the night
before I became aware
of this moving
of life

I found my dreams
but the moon took me away
It lifted me up to the firmament
and suspended me there
I saw how my heart had fallen
on your path
singing a song

Between my love and my heart
things were happening which
slowly slowly
made me recall everything

You amuse me with your touch
although I can’t see your hands.
You have kissed me with tenderness
although I haven’t seen your lips
You are hidden from me.

But it is you who keeps me alive

Perhaps the time will come
when you will tire of kisses
I shall be happy
even for insults from you
I only ask that you
keep some attention on me. -Rumi

 

AFTER BEING IN LOVE, THE NEXT RESPONSIBILITY

Turn me like a waterwheel turning a millstone.
Plenty of water, a Living River.
Keep me in one place and scatter the love.
Leaf-moves in wind, straw drawn toward amber,
all parts of the world are in love,
but they do not tell their secrets. Cows grazing
on a sacramental table, ants whispering in Solomon’s ear.
Mountains mumbling an echo. Sky, calm.
If the sun were not in love, he would have no brightness,
the side of the hill no grass on it.
The ocean would come to rest somewhere.

Be a lover as they are, that you come to know
you Beloved. Be faithful that you may know
Faith. The other parts of the universe did not accept
the next responsibility of love as you can.
They were afraid they might make a mistake
with it, the inspired knowing
that springs from being in love -Rumi

 

WHISPERS OF LOVE

Lover whispers to my ear,
“Better to be a prey than a hunter.
Make yourself My fool.
Stop trying to be the sun and become a speck!
Dwell at My door and be homeless.
Don’t pretend to be a candle, be a moth,
so you may taste the savor of Life
and know the power hidden in serving.” - Rumi

[Shin]

Texas accent ? ?