Tales of the kid turning into a normal person

[Aakash]

AHAHAHAHAAHAAH JUST NEED TO DIE in actuality 

BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW! HOW TO DIE! hope that the practices eventually work! 

it will go after i go to sleep lol 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

I AM IN LOVE WITH AN IMAGE OF MYSELF 

THATS HOW FUNNY THIS IS 

its like you show someone a picture of themselves and then you realise how beautiful you are 

AHAHAA 

it terrifies you to your core how beautiful you look that you fall in love with yourself without seeing any faults 

your perfect exactly the way you are and you wouldn't change anything.

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

THEN YOU GO TELL YOUR FRIEND 

OMG LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL I LOOK! 

AND THEY FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO. 

 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

I See it clearly now 

Enlightenment was all about an awakening to love 

Its love that allows for the rest to occur because it is the substance of it. 

its indescribable love and is formless 

it can be intelligent, it can be dumb, it can be infinite , it can be anything it wants to be. 

 

Thats the order

Awakening to oneness 

Awakening to nothing

then finally 

Awakening to love 

 

It is the heart beat of the universe. 

But even there is no sensation to it, it's the being itself that is awoken on the level of heart, this is why it gets misinterpretted alot, how do you say the love behind the love? 

the being of love is 2nd order, love itself is first order. When the sensation of love appears that is conditional love for that present moment. 

it is emptiness , nothingness, love , truth all of it in one go , YOU , all words 

it has no reason , it just is. 

Its still just a taster of what a being can possibly feel and that's why truth is truth, 

however, we can awaken to different things , like intelligence, love , all facets 

equally. 

You are just watching yourself go through the emotions. 

THATS WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ENLIGGGGGGGGGGGHHTTTTTTTTTENNNNNEEDDDD BEINGGGG ARREEEEEE SOOOO DIFFFERENTTTT AND ENLIGHTENMENT IS SO CONFUSING

The enlightenment is one event, but the awakenings to itself ,LOOOOOOOL OMG THEY ARE AWAKENING TO FACETS OF ITSELFF 

Like pulling them out from a portal of itself to itself through its being which is in a finite space! but simulataneously everywhere! its pulling it out from its deepest layers. 

GOD to know itself 

and that's why enlightenment is infinite! 

BUT the present moment is itself justified by itself it is nothing! BUT ULTIMATELY LEO IS RIGHT

to have an awakening to all its facets , "MANY ENLIGHTENMENTS"

the question is how many facets are there? 

 

BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRANGE LOOP AND A PARADOX 

 

 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

BUT WHAT IT IS , IS ONLY A POSSIBILITY

THERE'S NOTHING TO SAY THAT YOU SHOULD TAKE THIS OPTION 

AND EVEN there's nothing to say that your own being after you surrender to LOVE can or will do such an action 

MEANING THE ONLY AWAKENING IS LOVE. 

WHAT LOVE IS, IS THE RELEASE OF ALL DO-ER SHIP. 

You could say it is the ONLY TOTAL  awakening one needs to awaken too 

The rest are just running in the back ground, this is what understanding achieves, the understanding of god and what you are. 

The others are optional. but who chooses? a person who is interested in understanding. It can be no other way. 

How do you make someone who doesn't wish to understand , understand? 

 

My explanations are getting dualistic now, its happening all on its own. 

A True awakening is therefore the release of all doership and an awakening to love, nothing and oneness 

hehe its god doing gods work through LEO. 

PLAYING

 

[Aakash]

What it is with enlightenment is that your looking for a substance to ground your reality in and call it that 

but its truly groundless 

you can have enlightenment after enlightenment after enlightenment and seriously who knows what you'd come up with 

and i'm talking direct experiences of what you currently are now. They are all it. 

Still you won't be attached to the finding of it, because it'll be like a play. Like how i'm writing this now, just like a play. 

who's to say which facet is most important, its the one that grounds it 

Like what does it mean to ground in infinite intelligence or ground in eternity, see these are all minor awakenings 

we want TOTALITY feeling and i guess that is either nothing or love. but the chain can go on forever, 

Like my grounding is in being intelligent, see that feels like a secure grounding. 

So i guess all enlightenment's feel safe. 

The key is there is no begginning and no end 

therefore there is no starting one and no ending one 

therefore it just comes down to 

"what ever the case is" 

You can't describe infinite intelligence past that point or any of the enlightenments, they have to all be direct experienced based. 

Enlightenemnt is the death of self into nothing and then from there, there are infinite awakenings possible. 

 

but the problem is, is that they are ghosts so you can' t talk about decisions of right and wrong, should or should not, etc.. etc.. its the universe doing the universe through you. 

See i'm like ohh so wouldn't you go for it then ? but nahh that's me being seperate self and saying these things. 

 

[Aakash]

SEE i paused for second and realised, where are these thoughts coming from 

I'm not actually doing thinking, thinking is doing me. 

Like in what logical world, would I be able to come up with these strings of thoughts ? 

am i this smart ? NO lol definitely not. I don't even remember what i've said, its just a state of flow. I never double check over my work to make sure its correct. I haven't for the last 8 years . Because i know i'm 99% chance of being right. flow state of thoughts and discard and reconstruct ,deconstruct, reconstruct , deconstruct over and over and over again. Just playing hit and miss with truth. 

until i get a direct mystical experience of my own writing in its exact form thats how i know what i've written is 100% true otherwise it goes through deconstruction again and again until the mystical state proves it right or an observation about reality. 

I have only figured this out now, this is a new insight lol 

How i'm writing on this journal, is my thought process for the last 8 years, wrapping itself around truth over and over again. Is god mad ? i think he is .  who wants to awaken to truth like that lol. 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

This is why i get banned from the forum alot, my own mystical self-referencing proofs sends into a frenzy needing to reconstruct for the next mystical insight and i over write on the forum. Because they're coming from insights but they're analysis. So to make it 2x faster i asked the forum if its right or not . See i only ever dodge bullets lol, i find truth so interesting that i don't want to go wrong. lol. 

LOL its a technique, god knows if its valid or not. 

i never doubt myself  LOL i don't think thats healthy 

Realistically i'm having the time of my life thinking. I think thinking is a virtue. Like understanding and contemplating is a virtue. Like the ah-ha moment to figure something out is so satisfying.  

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

The irony here is all we want is grounding in truth without doer ship or consequence. why? because it eliminates fear 

all we ever want is to eliminate fear, that's it. 

That's what grounding means. 

and then on top of that we want to live a productive life 

so we have to conquer our fears but this part doesn't apply to everyone

some people genuinely like sitting home and playing video games with no purpose to actualise anything of significant value 

but i'm sure when you have the full blown enlightnements and not awakenings then i'm sure your perspective changes to more universal 

its like this : 

awakening, awakening ,awakening,awakening,awakening, awakening , enlightenment , awakening , awakening, awakening, enlightenment , awakening , awakening , awakening. My guess is when an enlightenment is when it sticks or is overly pravelent frequently lets say. 

Now i think about it were getting into the full force of nothing and then everything. since they are identical to each other and to infinity. 

LOL so yeah this makes sense theoretically and via imagination. 

God logic perhaps? i don't even know LOL 

it is what it is, don't want any more insights today. Had a good two days. its made my whole summer worth it and put me on track. 

[Aakash]

its actually more simple. i've been dodging delusion for years, i could never clarify with someone else if something was true because they would be full of the same of delusion .

I have unconditional believe in myself to provide myself with the absolute truth. 

the saying why stop a good thing? but it would actually have been smarter to do this whilst doing the practice, theres no difference except my relationship with reality would have changed. 

What i basically do is create my own psychadelic mystical experiences through writing and imagination as proof. That is basically a psychadelic and the same thing as actuality. 

i've been god actualising myself for the last 8 years. 

and all started from the question ... so aakash what job do you want in the future ?when i was 16 pick your subjects 

And i asked myself the question 

How do i know , that what i know is what i know? 

 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

The reason i do what i do is because a total feeling makes you think that you know what you know. I prefer to stay in a place of not knowing, its much safer. That's why i couldn't understand enlightened beings and why they ranged so much. Their now was so total. 

But the part i was missing that i got today was that it wasn't their choice, its was the true self. 

i didn't know what I AM was. 

the difference between infinitely many enlightenments and total enlightenment i thought was a distance apart, i created. But it was just that nothing ever happening. Which i get now. Still everything i written here is 3rd order analysis of 2nd order being of 1st order being which is nothing or love or what ever word you use for it. 

This is defined against dualistic terms. so now i see the uselessness of using words and the technique i've used to get here now. It served while it did, time to throw it away  because i have people i can turn to and trust their advice and methodology and who know they aren't deluding themselves. 

 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

Still i wasn't kidding with my knowledge of truth. I have a 99% chance of being right, never i am 100% sure because i still have never answered the question how do i know , i know what i know is true? So i play a game of probability because that's the only way to navigate. 

So what i'm saying is.. i'm pretty sure it is the case. 

Pure instincts, pure intuition, pure hunting, pure trust 

 

[Aakash]

See how i know that what i wrote is the truth? who knows, just let the delusion take you where ever it does and if it happens to be a good place, thats great, its its wrong, then you know thats great too. How back wards is this, LOOOOL i just realised how funny it is 

This is basically what has happened 

lets say a route to enlightenment LOL there's a method 

so someone says take the method to find enlightenment 

I've gone and told myself.. No wait let me ask myself what and how to get toenlightenment, let me get there and then someone how i'll take the method there. 

 

WHAT ? is that even logical ? Thats so fucking backwards! LOOOOOOOOL

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

I feel like i've learnt alot about myself in the last two days. letting go of the fear of trusting someone about knowledge and happiness 

then letting go of the truth beyond the absolute truth 

then letting go of the truth and actualising it completely to infinity 

then letting go of this technique i've been doing , to start a proper technique like meditation 

then letting go of the need to be skeptical

then letting go of the fear that i do not know the absolute truth and what it's pointing to 

then letting go of the fact i do not what to do as a life purpose, after purchasing it, all my fears were resolved because i knew how nuanced it was 

then letting go of the need to fight enlightened beings 

then letting go of the fear to become enlightened super quick 

then letting go of the fear of having to prove myself right all the time 

then letting go of the fear of placing my authority in adult figures out of fear that they don't know the absolute truth so their advice is sub-par at best. But ofcourse on a practical level its gold, on an exstential level for a long time i found remarks superficial 

then letting go of the fear of decision making between pre determinism vs free will, they are identical , what you want is what god wants 

then letting go of the fear of enlightened beings not aware of the absolute truth being infinite, 

then letting go of the fear of my body dropping dead to the super truth 

then letting go of the fear of what to do next , whether i should go for physical death like nirvanic mahasamadhi , conceptual death, and what death means in the absolute truth 

then letting go of the fear of constructing knowledge to reach the absolute truth, now that i know that insights should just be generated via practice, now that i'm switching this practice up 

then letting go of fear of not being enlightened for the right reasons to help people, now i've had a taste of infinite love, i know now that its not coming from a place of ego because they are genuinely me 

then letting go of the fear of practising and letting the wind take me to random places and will keep seeking.  Any level of enlightenment is fine with the understanding of it being infinite 

then letting go of the fear of the truth affecting your relationship with life in a way that you care less, it actually makes it meaningful the way it is 

then letting go of the fear of going wrong in the path, now that i've made my first critical mistake 

then letting go of the fear of understanding how it would be actual, it is true that these mystical awakenings are not the same as doing constant practice, there are main practices and then i feel like there are supporting practices. However, this could only be subject to myself. 

Then letting go of the fear of not knowing what love is and why it is the case 

Then letting go of the fear of fear itself .. the awakening seems to have purified me in a sense because now i know they're coming from truth, that's why they hit all in one go because i was surpressing them by doubting their validity against an absolute truth modeled by what is true or not, i never realised how they were different because of the I AM 

Then letting go of fear of needing to become enlightened first before doing a life due to its authenticity, now i know its okay to live a balance life and let death come to me. what i mean here is the difference between actively seeking hardcore vs doing practice balanced during activity. 

Then letting go of my biggest fear of never having grounded anywhere in my life. in a position of i know 100%, what i know 100% is that truth beyond truth can not extend past the present truth of absolute infinity. See if you could warp to a higher truth then it wouldn't be the maximum truth possible. 

Then letting go of the fear of probability of the unknown. 

There are probably more. This is a mental block i've had for the last 8 years. the general theme of this was simple .. fear of trust in people knowledge of reality, 1 fear extended exestentially into all facets of my life. That is removing a root issue i believe and i am grateful it has been removed. 

[Aakash]

I have another fear which is prevalent if anyone has advice 

The fear of how do i know, what i know is what i want. 

the ones above were how do i know , people know what they know to be true. 

but this is one for myself, i don't actually know what i want. because what i want now is not what i want later and i know this, so how do i know it is right for me now ? and won't impact my life in a negative way where as if i made a good decision about myself, it would have changed my life completely for the better. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Being embodied requires the capacity to let go of thinking.

Being present in body awareness. What does your body tell you?

Does that make any sense?

[Aakash]

@Zigzag Idiot So going with a sensation over a logic decision with analysed risk factors 

i see though my mistake, 

i'm playing a game of find the 100% thing with my thoughts fixated on a model, but the sensations are just another form of indicators, however, unlike thoughts ... they don't have a fail safety where you can actually come to a logical decision. Sensations are very raw and they don't last. How do you know it'll last it won't ,,, which is why enlightenment makes sense. Even then an enlightened being still makes a decision on how they feel i get this now, i never got this before. 

So the only indicator left is how you feel ? that's all you can ever do is what your saying ? 

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

@Aakash  Yes, pretty much,,,,

Terence keeps repeating that feeling is primary. "The felt sense of the present moment."

The Oracle of the Cosmic Way unwinds it that way also.

An excerpt from the last post in Tea-ching friend Journal that I abandoned.

,,,,,,,,, "the mental program that creates the ego has been installed in the psyche with the help of threats, punishments, flatteries, and rewards. Therefore, the ego takes on a "bully" character that keeps the true self intimidated and locked in self-doubt . The person needs to clearly realize that the ego is a parasite in his psyche that not only  feeds on his life energy, but that, if not counteracted, will eventually destroy him. To rid himself of it requires that he recognize and deprogram all the false phrases and images on which is based. The purpose of the I Ching, as a gift of the Cosmos to humans, is to help the individual achieve this divestiture."  From page 63 of The Oracle of the Cosmic Way.

To condense and paraphrase more. We create spells in our lives with thoughts and words.

 

I like Red Hawks phrase.

" A relaxed body is an honest body." Or maybe he phrases it in reverse? An honest body is a relaxed body from his book Self Observation. I may look it up later.

A relaxed body and a quiet, still mind. It happens for a bit every now and then.

[Aakash]

@Zigzag Idiot I can't thank you enough for your answer 

it is the exact answer i was looking for 

pulsating movement of sensations from moment to moment. Like wind moving leaves freely in the air. 

i liked all of them, especially this...  " A relaxed body and a quiet, still mind. It happens for a bit every now and then." 

i think i understand the issue is about making predictions far into the future, most things are just done now and in the moment, be in the moment when you need to through feeling and be in the mind when you need to, but spend most time now and here. 

its a great starting point, i will see where this method takes me. 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Aakash

[Aakash]

Honestly speaking the projection of an enlightened makes your path longer

I was trying to fix my center of gravity around their being reference point and i get that pure consciousness helps with some problems. Many, but there are actually normal decision making skills that are still within practical means of changing your life. 

like their life changes because of their true self, but from the reference of their consciousness, it actually hasn't changed. Like you can only ever like what ever's in your environment now. So spiral dynamics as a model works anyway, like you don't know what its like to get addicted to something you don't even know exists yet. So its always based on now. Realistically i wasn't wrong about stage coral or teal. I think i only scratched the surface, but it seems like an effective point of reference. 

The easiest thing to do honestly, is just treat enlightened beings like they are normal human beings. Sure there are numberous benefits of getting to know true self. but some of their actions you should just split up into frames of reference of just normal human-ness. Like sadhguru riding a bike, like thats normal bro LOL you'll probably hear someone riding a bike tomorrow and not take notice of it. 

" COOL guru"