AlphaAbundance

How to be 100% content being alone?

10 posts in this topic

First of all, you need friends and socialization in your life to keep mentally healthy. Not having friends is like not having fruit, yeah you can get by, but you will feel like crap and may even get sick.

I am at peace when I am alone because I fully accept myself, I like my own company and enjoy the benefits of being alone. 

I love being alone because it enables me to pursue the things I really value: like exercise, reading, and writing. It gives me space to tap into my imagination and explore my own inner world, which to me is endlessly fascinating. 

The biggest problem I see with people struggling with social isolation, is that they don't have any inner goals or solo pursuits. They are not intentional with their free time by themselves, so they just look to be entertained by something, until they eventually get bored, and feel lonely and unfulfilled. 

You must be intentional with your solo time, and use it to create something great, that you value. Something that inspires you! Maybe an online business of some sort? Maybe to write a book? Whatever works for you.

This gets you excited to having solo time, and you actually delight in the opportunity to have a weekend in by yourself. 

Tl;dr - have a large solo goal that gets you excited to work towards, and you will never feel bored again.

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wait a second, yesterday you were trying to get sexual abundance...have you changed your mind? or your attempts at getting late pushed all your friends away? :D

As for being happy alone,  meditation and mindfulness work + Eckhart Tolle stuff worked for me. 

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@Knock Appreciate the feedback.

I don't struggle with friends (and I hope am not deluding myself) its simply that every second or minute or situation where I am not talking to someone (in school) I think I should be talking to them or every single attractive female that is there I think I should be approaching them (I don't know if that's a problem but it sure is causing suffering maybe suffering from inaction?). This creates a dependency on needing to be socializing whenever it is possible to "live the best life" and "maximize my life". This may be related to need to be popular/validation/approval.

Also on a unrelated topic (well everything is interconnected), everything seems meaningless since learning about enlightenment, watching Leo's video on meaning, etc. Except for things that bring direct joy if that makes sense. I am trying to understand it for now. For example, art seems meaningless but no matter how meaningless busting a nut may be, it's still direct joy. But even that seems meaningless. It's like I get the nihilism of everything being meaningless but not the joy of being enlightened.

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@tom rAy

  • lmao yeah thats one of my fears in doing cold approaches. Also what I'm asking here and there are not necessarily contradicting goals
  • How did it help you in being content alone? 

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@AlphaAbundance

8 hours ago, AlphaAbundance said:

I don't struggle with friends (and I hope am not deluding myself) its simply that every second or minute or situation where I am not talking to someone (in school) I think I should be talking to them or every single attractive female that is there I think I should be approaching them (I don't know if that's a problem but it sure is causing suffering maybe suffering from inaction?). This creates a dependency on needing to be socializing whenever it is possible to "live the best life" and "maximize my life". This may be related to need to be popular/validation/approval.

You have some great self-reflection skills :)
If you don't mind, here is some encouragement to go deeper if you wish.

Here's an analogy for you:

  • "I don't have a obsession with money, I just think that every minute I am not making money is sub-optimal and a waste of time!"

The compulsion to do something that comes from a fear based mindset never leads you to contentment or fulfilment. 

  • The basement nerd who complains about females and plays the victim card, is neurotic about girls.
  • The guy who practises pick-up everyday and is constantly sizing up every second female that walks by is just as neurotic about girls.*

Ironically, its when you don't even think about girls, that you start to attract them, because they can sense you are not neurotic or needy to validate some self-belief or identity of what you should be. . 

This is how you be content being alone. You let go of all the should's in life, and simply do what you love. 

 

*As an aside, this is why every guy that talks about 'alpha/beta', 'redpill', or any of that other crap are losers. They are overly obsessive and neurotic about girls to the extent that it becomes a defining value in life for them. And life values that are defined in other people are crappy values to have (see Mark Manson explain it here if you are interested in this concept). 

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@Knock I deeply appreciate the feedback.

I will research further info this

Edited by AlphaAbundance

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13 hours ago, Knock said:

@AlphaAbundance

 

Ironically, its when you don't even think about girls, that you start to attract them, because they can sense you are not neurotic or needy to validate some self-belief or identity of what you should be

So girls will just fall into your lap is what you're saying?

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@AlphaAbundance Have no friends. Instead, be a friend.

Neediness is a guaranteed path to suffering.

Serving is a guaranteed path to greatness.


unborn Truth

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11 hours ago, wk197 said:

So girls will just fall into your lap is what you're saying?

No. The inferred mindset from asking such a question is one of passivity. That is the wrong mindset.

What I am saying, is to attract girls you need to come from a place of non-neediness. When you are neurotic about girls, you are placing too much value in them, and not in yourself. Stop trying to become something for someone else, and become that something for you!

When you are desperately needing to be liked by girls, you are placing your worth and value into their hands. They can tell you that you are ugly, beautiful, stupid or smart. You will not get anything from this, as it will feel hollow. 

Life values that are defined by others are shitty values, because of 2 things. They are uncontrollable, someone could call you a loser at a party, and if your value is in being liked or popular, well you are going to have a bad time. Secondly, they are not based on reality. You may feel attractive or some pick-up artist hotshot, but honestly you don't have a clue what people actually think of you. 

The solution:

Stop caring about others expectations and the external results. Start caring about the things that really matter, to you. Work on your own inner pursuits, your own behaviours, on taking full responsibility for your life. This is how you become a man of value, by caring about something more than girls. It is this energy and drive that leads to girls falling into your lap. It comes from a place of action, of taking responsibility, of becoming a man of value, for yourself, and not for the girls. 

 

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