What I Do Wrong In Strong Determination Sitting?

[Marcin]

Yesterday I had my first attempt. I failed after 12 minutes. I stopped because I felt quite strong pain in my lower back and I was afraid that I can hurt myself (I guess because chair's back support was hard and straight - not fitting S-shape of backbone)

Today I tried it again on more comfortable chair very similar to this one: https://cdn3.mebelkart.com/220-thickbox/computer-workstation-chair-medium-back.jpg

I managed to sit for whole 60 minutes. Anyway I am disappointed because this activity wasn't very demanding and I don't feel like I did something big or make some progress.

I had some itches here and there, some pain in my chest which were lasting for different periods of time (from few seconds to few minutest). But they were average and not forcing me to stop.

I felt more emotional torture (boredom) than physical. After I finished meditation I didn't feel any different than before meditation. I was disappointed because of this.

Here are things that I think I could do wrong:

I wasn't moving except: blinking, deeper breaths, swallowing saliva.

From time to time I was doing deep breaths (my chest and shoulders were moving)

During swallowing saliva very often my jaw and tongue were moving.

 

Do you think I did something wrong or my expectations are too high?

 

[abrakamowse]

I think you did a great job. You accomplish a lot, most of the people can't stay quiet more than 15 minutes. I think that is a great beginning.

The idea is really to get bored, so... you bore the hell out of your ego until he leaves you due to boredom hehehehe...
The ego is always looking for something exciting, interesting, funny, etc. In this way of meditation you bore the ego to death.
:-P

You will notice advances in your path, even if you are not aware of them.

It happened to me too, everyone said strong determination was so hard, I expected it was going to be very difficult, I could meditate 30 mins. straight the first time. But that's our imagination at work, better not pay attention to that thoughts and not expect anything, just experience the now.

My two cents.

Edited May 10, 2016 by abrakamowse

[step1]

9 hours ago, Marcin said:

Yesterday I had my first attempt. I failed after 12 minutes. I stopped because I felt quite strong pain in my lower back and I was afraid that I can hurt myself (I guess because chair's back support was hard and straight - not fitting S-shape of backbone)

Today I tried it again on more comfortable chair very similar to this one: https://cdn3.mebelkart.com/220-thickbox/computer-workstation-chair-medium-back.jpg

I managed to sit for whole 60 minutes. Anyway I am disappointed because this activity wasn't very demanding and I don't feel like I did something big or make some progress.

I had some itches here and there, some pain in my chest which were lasting for different periods of time (from few seconds to few minutest). But they were average and not forcing me to stop.

I felt more emotional torture (boredom) than physical. After I finished meditation I didn't feel any different than before meditation. I was disappointed because of this.

Here are things that I think I could do wrong:

I wasn't moving except: blinking, deeper breaths, swallowing saliva.

From time to time I was doing deep breaths (my chest and shoulders were moving)

During swallowing saliva very often my jaw and tongue were moving.

 

Do you think I did something wrong or my expectations are too high?

 

Try sitting cross legged on a cushion.  This will make it much harder.

[abrakamowse]

6 hours ago, step1 said:

Try sitting cross legged on a cushion.  This will make it much harder.

I agree with that, the idea is to challenge your comfort zone.

:-)

[Jani]

It is really fascinating how something so simple as sitting down for an hour or two is so hard for most people, combined with no distracting activity of course. I'd guess the point is indeed to take it out of your comfort zone. Once you start feeling the boredom and anxiety of some kind, you know you've made some progress. Is there any difference between SDS and meditation? and is it ok to do self-inquiry once those negative feelings start to arise? I'd guess yes but some of you know better, thanks

[charlie2dogs]

why are you meditating, what is the purpose behind it.

what are you doing in this meditation

and what benefits are you getting from it,

and what do you expect to get from it.

[abrakamowse]

I think @Jani that SDS is a kind of meditation. You have different types of meditation and SDS is one of them.

I am not an expert but I think is a good idea to do self inquiry too.

[Emerald]

On May 9, 2016 at 7:17 PM, Marcin said:

Yesterday I had my first attempt. I failed after 12 minutes. I stopped because I felt quite strong pain in my lower back and I was afraid that I can hurt myself (I guess because chair's back support was hard and straight - not fitting S-shape of backbone)

Today I tried it again on more comfortable chair very similar to this one: https://cdn3.mebelkart.com/220-thickbox/computer-workstation-chair-medium-back.jpg

I managed to sit for whole 60 minutes. Anyway I am disappointed because this activity wasn't very demanding and I don't feel like I did something big or make some progress.

I had some itches here and there, some pain in my chest which were lasting for different periods of time (from few seconds to few minutest). But they were average and not forcing me to stop.

I felt more emotional torture (boredom) than physical. After I finished meditation I didn't feel any different than before meditation. I was disappointed because of this.

Here are things that I think I could do wrong:

I wasn't moving except: blinking, deeper breaths, swallowing saliva.

From time to time I was doing deep breaths (my chest and shoulders were moving)

During swallowing saliva very often my jaw and tongue were moving.

 

Do you think I did something wrong or my expectations are too high?

 

No. You did it right. It's in finding a new relationship to the discomfort that the benefits come. If you learn to notice your discomfort separate from your thoughts about the discomfort that will help you make progress. If the discomfort and thoughts about the discomfort aren't distinguished between, strong determination sits will be torture. But if you're able to see those two things working separate from one another the discomfort will be completely manageable, and your awareness of your urges to control things will shift more into focus. Now notice how you're trying to control your meditation practice by doing it well. 

[Man in the Mirror]

if it was really just your first attempt, then try to remember that the benefits of meditation don't just come immediately, but if you practice it regularly then you will see a difference over time.

[LateBloomer]

Quick (common) question: I have serious problems keeping my spine straight since I collapse almost immediately when I start to relax. Feels totally impossible to keep my spine straight and relax at the same time. I was just wondering that though it's not allowed to move, should I still let myself straighten my spine because in this case, I'm not doing that because I want comfort. It's actually opposite. It would cause more discomfort to be mindful of...

So whats your advice guys? Am I "allowed" to do that?

[vizual]

It's obvious what you are doing wrong. You are thinking too much. Look at your post. You are trying to analyze how you take a poop, it's not supposed to be analyzed, it's just something you do. If your meditation sessions are to be analyzed, studied and improved upon you are just wasting time meditating.

Meditation is this: you sit. That's it. It's the ego that is trying to create the perfect circumstances because the ego doesn't want to do it. And even if you manage to convince yourself that you actually do want to do the meditation, yeah that's also the ego.

It's really funny that you are disappointed that you didn't feel any different. What did you expect really? That you become some holyman with superpowers? If you want to feel different you should take drugs or something. If you want enlightenment, you can't have any expectations, you'll be disappointed no matter what.

[Marcin]

Thank you for all your answers!

Now I am after week of sds except I didn't do in on weekend but from now I am going to do this everyday and maybe even try to do it few times on free days.

On 5/13/2016 at 10:05 PM, vizual said:

It's really funny that you are disappointed that you didn't feel any different. What did you expect really? 

I think Leo in his video said that after some period of suffering all pain disappear and you feel relaxed and very happy. I was expecting to experience something like this. Now I have no expectations. I just plan to do it for few weeks and then look at this from bigger perspective.

On 5/10/2016 at 5:59 PM, charlie2dogs said:

why are you meditating, what is the purpose behind it.

I am not unhappy person but also I'm not the happiest. I am shy and feel awkward with people especially with girls. I have few friends. At work very often I loose focus and motivation. My productivity is average. I think meditation will help me and make it easier to do further actions f. e. socializing with people.

[charlie2dogs]

5 minutes ago, Marcin said:

Thank you for all your answers!

Now I am after week of sds except I didn't do in on weekend but from now I am going to do this everyday and maybe even try to do it few times on free days.

I think Leo in his video said that after some period of suffering all pain disappear and you feel relaxed and very happy. I was expecting to experience something like this. Now I have no expectations. I just plan to do it for few weeks and then look at this from bigger perspective.

I am not unhappy person but also I'm not the happiest. I am shy and feel awkward with people especially with girls. I have few friends. At work very often I loose focus and motivation. My productivity is average. I think meditation will help me and make it easier to do further actions f. e. socializing with people.

Meditation may help you become calmer which can help you, the shyness and awkwardness will leave you as you mature in life. Just remember you are not the body, there is something greater within the body, the real you, it is your strength, your source for everything, seek it in your meditation

[JustinS]

On 5/9/2016 at 4:17 PM, Marcin said:

Yesterday I had my first attempt. I failed after 12 minutes. I stopped because I felt quite strong pain in my lower back and I was afraid that I can hurt myself (I guess because chair's back support was hard and straight - not fitting S-shape of backbone)

Today I tried it again on more comfortable chair very similar to this one: https://cdn3.mebelkart.com/220-thickbox/computer-workstation-chair-medium-back.jpg

I managed to sit for whole 60 minutes. Anyway I am disappointed because this activity wasn't very demanding and I don't feel like I did something big or make some progress.

I had some itches here and there, some pain in my chest which were lasting for different periods of time (from few seconds to few minutest). But they were average and not forcing me to stop.

I felt more emotional torture (boredom) than physical. After I finished meditation I didn't feel any different than before meditation. I was disappointed because of this.

Here are things that I think I could do wrong:

I wasn't moving except: blinking, deeper breaths, swallowing saliva.

From time to time I was doing deep breaths (my chest and shoulders were moving)

During swallowing saliva very often my jaw and tongue were moving.

 

Do you think I did something wrong or my expectations are too high?

 

Well remember that it takes progress in order to really feel that conscious traction. This is I'm guessing your first strong determination sitting. 

The moment you are EXTREMELY bored out of your mind is the MOMENT that you make the biggest shifts in awareness. Stick with it and remember that you won't die. Everything will pass; boredom, pain, and pleasure will all eventually pass. "Anitcha" as Buddhists call it, The Law of Impermanence as everything changes like nature intends. 

If you want to accelerate your progression, try doing 30mins with back support and 30min without. In this you will built stronger equanimity and tolerance to pain. Basically, the more shitstorm gets thrown at you without you reacting to it, the more you progress.