Eonwe5

How do I deal with stressful past events properly?

8 posts in this topic

Hello there guys,

About a month ago I've had a rather stressful time with the flatmates in my shared apartment. Long story short, my three mates decided for various reasons that they didn't want me to continue living with them. I then moved out after a very uncomfortable last month in which I tried to be as invisible as possible, because the three of them were openly displaying their contempt every time I saw them. 

This last month of living with them was the most stressful time of my life. Every time I entered the flat, I began to feel an enormous stress response in my body, my throat was tightening up, and I felt like living among predators, trying to avoid them as much as I could. It really was no fun living in a small apartment with people that screamed at me that they've had enough of me want me out of here as soon as possible.

 

Even as I'm writing this, I can feel my throat getting tight. Every time I think of one of the three guys, I get a little stress response. Every time one of them sends me a message because a letter arrived for me, I feel a huge adrenalin rush. It feels like I haven't really processed things, and that these stressful events from the past still mess with my feelings.

 

Now my question to anyone who is kind enough to answer, what should I do now?

 

Should I go through all the events again, and get a full rational understanding of what happened and why?

 

Should I meditate on the feelings of the stress response that I get when I think of that time?

 

Should I just wait and let time heal it up?

 

Thank you guys, I hope you have a wonderful day today :)

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

@Eonwe5 that's sounds really stressful and unpleasant.

I think awareness and time are going to help you.

Notice how you only feel the stress response when you have thoughts about your ex-flatmates. Before you have the thought, there's no stress. 

You won't be able to stop having thoughts about your past situation, but you can consciously choose how to respond to them. Try some of the following things:

  • Tell yourself: "It's over. This situation is no longer happening to me. It's passed. I no longer have to worry about it."
  • Try taking some slow deep breaths, until the stress subsides a bit.
  • Try not to think any more about it, don't ruminate. Find an activity or task that requires your full attention. Distraction is good sometimes.
  • Do physical exercise, as when you're stressed, your body is naturally ready for fight or flight.

Personally, I would advise against "introspection" and "what-ifs" and running scenarios in your mind, or "talking it through" - all this will just trigger you further and not allow you to disconnect from the stressful thoughts.

In time, your mind-body will realise the threat is over and will adjust accordingly.

If you can get your mail redirected so you don't have to come into contact with your ex-flatmates then do it.

Edited by LastThursday
typo

Don't eat soup with chopsticks. Pick up the bowl and drink.

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Just to add my 2 cents over what the other guys said.

SHAMANIC BREATHING.

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If you can recall some of these events by memory, you can visualize them and your body will kinda get back into that state as if it was happening now. By doing that you can feel whatever is left in the bucket from those events and process it.


Everything is an assumption.

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It depends whether you think it’s an overreaction or not. If you think it is, talk yourself out of it eg it wasn’t that bad, I’m overreacting etc.

If your emotions are justified then it’s a very important lesson that you need to learn from to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. The emotionality makes you remember what can happen to you again if you’re not careful or haven’t learnt how to avoid it. The bad feelings won’t be there all the time, only when they get triggered by something related to the event, eg. message from them or talking/thinking about it etc. If you’ll be getting yourself into a similar situation again in the future, the bad feelings will get triggered to remind you to be careful.


I have an opinion on everything :D

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@Eonwe5 you should try the work of Katie Byron it helps you overcome negative situations

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you have an energetic bound with your past that should be cut off and that is being present for a while like meditation for hours and hours on a daily basis!

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