XYZ

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  1. And after re-reading my post I cried for some reason, tears of gratitude and relief it seems.
  2. I've never done so much deep breathing before, and I never had the discipline to actually do a full yoga and pranayama class at home. Now that that's the only option, I'm doing it all the time, not at all self-conscious to make loud noise and chant the mantras with all my heart and voice. Less than a year ago I would often go long time without chanting mantra at home, only at a yoga class, and be pretty lazy and self neglecting. Ironically I've never felt healthier in some ways, literally forced to not take things for granted. All those solo projects I've been putting off working on and finishing, everyday health habits to make and stick to, being mindful of how I use every waking moment, it took this shit to get myself in order. If I feared catching the corona or if things would be like this forever I supposed I'd just drink, jack off, play video games and watch TV all the time. Of course there is the occasional moment sulking and even crying once in a while, I can just change my state by going back to deep breathing. There has been fake news going around that filling up lungs and holding your breath is a self test for the virus, but just doing it as an exercise, and to an extreme, like breathing so deep it feels like your lungs will explode, holding breath over a minute, then exhale slowly as you can, it really stretches out the lungs and keeps them healthy. Also lifts my mood back up to 9/10 and full of energy. Now I wonder just why in the heck I didn't do this every day before, as well as all the other pranayama, which purifies my mind, strengthens my body, and is basically like getting high off oxygen and vagus nerve stimulation. Being a yogi and meditator but also suffering from the social isolation and touch deprivation which has merely just begun, and reaching just the tip of awakening a few times before then chickening out, it seems inevitable I will face that fear and wake the fuck up for real this time during the next few months. As it's only been a week or 2 of this madness in the West, I'd expect many on the depressive side of things will go through Eckhart Tolle style intense awakenings as a result of extreme stress and mental breakdown.
  3. This was my mantra for 30 years, I never asked to be born, didn't choose to exist here, all this was forced upon me, it'y my parents fault I am alive. Then I had a mystical experience, and the first thing that happened when consciousness started to leave the body is a direct remembering that it did choose this life, it created the whole thing. Intuitively it felt exactly what it was like before being born, as if no time had passed, as if there were no such thing as birth or death. Before that point spirituality was just something I did to cope with life. And though I haven't yet went deep enough behind the veil to figure out what life is all about, or if I have some purpose of being here in human form, there is a pervading calmness, even in the worst of times I can return to it. Because now I've experiences firsthand that this is all a dream, everything is divinity, everything is okay, there is nothing to be afraid of.
  4. "this is mother nature's revenge"
  5. I'm going to write in Tulsi Gabbard regardless. Not like it matters in blue California.
  6. Synchronicity
  7. I researched that, and it seems that "re-infection" was a result of testing errors, or people who've recovered retaining some inactive fragments of the virus. Also learned about serrapeptase enzymes that can reverse lung fibrosis, such as from asbestos disease or coronavirus. Careful with meme news stories. A month ago I thought that a Welsh man in Wuhan cured himself by drinking spiced hot whiskey.
  8. Though I normally rid my vocabulary of terms like lack and cope, it is exactly what I am dealing with, at least physically, and many of you was well. Here are some ideas I've come up with, to comfort myself the longer I go without hugging, hand holding or any other wanted/needed physical contact. - Literally touching yourself, rub your clean hands all over the rest of your skin, pet yourself, massage yourself - Cuddling with a body pillow, or lying face down on a memory foam mattress. - Wiggling your clean finger between your closed lips to activate nerves as if you were kissing. - Visualization and feeling state creation, try to imagine that you are hugging/cuddling with someone, and experience the emotions as if you actually are - Deep breathing, because it makes you feel really good, very alive, full of love, like you just have a big long warm hug with a woman or man you adore. - Meditation, getting very present, into a state where there is no such think as lack, deprivation or loneliness. -ASMR, get soft tingly feelings that really stimulate the senses. I don't think alcohol, porn or masturbating would help much, probably the opposite. They feel great temporarily, but put me in a low energy state and amplify whatever I am trying to distract myself from, or feelings I am procrastinating on facing directly and working through. Regardless, I have learned to feel my emotions directly, without trying to dismiss, suppress, or even call them anything, just recognizing this is how I feel, and staying with it, breathing through it.
  9. Someone in another coronavirus thread said that people are like a virus on the planet, in terms of pollution and ecosystem collapse. Many species of animals and other life forms have gone extinct at our hands. At a higher perspective, less people, less natural resource depletion and pollution as a result of the virus are a boon for the Earth. Earth has ways of naturally reducing species overpopulation, and since I took an environmental science class in college 8 years ago, have been expecting something like this would happen, to restore the balance. If it were up to me, we would have something that just makes people infertile, because of course from my human mind-body ego perspective people dying is bad, even if a human population culling is just what the rest of the planet needs. At the same time, it's clearly the fault of how wild animals were handled and eaten in China, otherwise it would have stayed in a pangolin, bat, or wherever species it came from. In these live animal markets they were stored in cages right next to or on top of each other, where viruses can spread easily, and eventually into people when they prepare them for food. As well as the CCP forcefully censoring information about it's spread for a month ongoing, and in the USA, the Trump admin. having cut funding to CDC programs designed to detect early and respond to exactly this. We knew COvid-19 was brewing in China since late December, but only as of 2 weeks ago US government started to take the threat seriously.
  10. As you practiced semen retention and sexual transmutation longer, were the changes that occurred for you to reach the point where you no longer had any more interest in sex or masturbating ever again? Do you ever get wet dreams or other nocturnal emissions?
  11. Awakening happens when thinking stops. I haven't had a full awakening yet because my body and ego-mind pulled back from it, I think one advantage of psychedelics is they force you to go through with it, even when it feels like you are literally going to die. But the last time I reached the tip, my mind was still active up until the very end: It was in a sound bath yoga class. The distinctions between form and formless, real and imaginary, concrete and abstract, self and environment collapsed, I felt that I had merged with the sound and space, which was both completely empty and infinitely expansive. Once my body actually felt this directly beyond just as thoughts in my head there was deep inner peace, and I thought to myself then this is the goal of meditation, and it feels so good, I want to bask in this state. But then, after moving from mind to body, the realizations came into consciousness itself. That is the point in which everything started spinning and exploding outward, reality shattered. Went beyond that point once before, but this time, since my mind was still active, it really caught me off guard, and also the sound bath part was ending, right at that moment, teacher was saying deepen breath and bring awareness back into your body, so I did.
  12. It happens when distinction between subjects and objects collapses. Believing this on a mind-level won't do anything, but when you become aware of it, then it's like consciousness is turned in on itself without any sense of there being a you or a not-you, just oneness.
  13. And if you ever want to understand God fully, know this: complete comprehension of God will obliterate your whole mind. You will literally not be able to think your name or your birth any more. All explanations of reality will get expunged in the stark light of pure God-consciousness until only Void remains. You will be left dumb and mute. I sensed exactly this coming on in the brief moments before pulling back each time, and I can't tell how much is fear of losing my mind, or specifically in that setting where I was in the yoga class. I have talked to the teacher since and she understands, and so if that's the place where the full awakening with no brakes happens, I could let it. My ego would still want to shed itself when I am home alone though, but less likely, even with the best music and meditation. Something about feeling the vibration of the instruments up close and personal that you just don't get listening to recordings with headphones.
  14. Both frequencies say pineal gland activation. I am going to listen to both simultaneously before bed.