Actualizer777

How to deal with loneliness and isolation when working self-employed at home?

15 posts in this topic

Hey Actualizers!

I am currently earning money by being self-employed and working at home. Therefore I neither have a routine nor do I have everyday social contact in the real life because of my work. So, do you have any ideas how I could handle this? I feel pretty lonely and isolated sometimes. And since all my friends and also my girlfriend are working in a job, I cannot really meet a lot of people.

Any ideas?

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I struggled with the same exact issue. I ended up renting a desk at a co-working space to help alleviate the isolation. Isolation is not healthy! I also quit my solo hobbies and now emphasize time with friends and my girlfriend. At the end of this year I'm going to start looking for a new job where I'd be working with people again.

 

I gave you a couple of ideas, but also, if you don't have a lot of friends, then go to meetups to meet people. Being social is incredibly important for a healthy mind.

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I struggled with this too. What's helped me has been working in a coffee shop several days a week and being intentional about being social/friendly there. Some other potential solutions I've thought of have been doing some volunteer work and renting a co-working space.

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I too worked at home a few years ago. It was great in the beginning but after a while it got pretty bad due to isolation. I spent most of my time at home (even after work) and when I needed to go somewhere, I felt weird and anxious. The only solution for me was changing job even if it meant less salary.

At the moment I work in an office and my office mates are at the same age (sort of) and we got along nicely so it's pretty cool.

Maybe you could try to find a class that you enjoy and you get to meet new people (hatha yoga, dance, etc). I did that too and sometimes I met some people that I could hang out with after class for a beer.


Nothing can make you happy until Nothing can make you happy.

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Working at home and on my own time, I found hanging out with people who had jobs much easier. You can always work around their schedule. You can work 40 hours/week and still have time to hang out if you really want to.

Work on being content with being alone. A lot of growth allows me to be content and isolated for many months as well as I can be social and outgoing very frequently. Your introversion or extroversion may influence your default state, but that doesn't mean it can't change.

15 hours ago, Actualizer777 said:

And since all my friends and also my girlfriend are working in a job, I cannot really meet a lot of people.

Excuses! Go out there and meet people. You can even start looking online through Facebook. Many of my friends originating from me just trying to befriend them online. Thats how I got my current girlfriend of 1 year+ even.

15 hours ago, Actualizer777 said:

Therefore I neither have a routine nor do I have everyday social contact in the real life because of my work.

Build a routine! You can meet people anywhere! Having a good morning routine is good as well. Go out and walk, stretch! It'll make things more lively.

Is your work really hindering you or is it you don't want to go the extra mile just to socialize?

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@Actualizer777

Some useful answers here already.

I have a different spin on this; this style of loneliness you speak of is a thirstiness for you to connect to yourself/inner voice.

Once this is filled, people will naturally be magnetised towards you.

Loneliness- the feeling- should not be treated as a light remedy phenomenon. It is a yearning for inner connection.

Odds are, you would feel this loneliness even if you had a social job or friends. Though it wouldnt manifest as loneliness, it would come up as feeling stressed or unsatisfied.

Im not saying embrace the loneliness. Im saying embrace yourself, and the loneliness will vanish as a consequence.

Dont tackle the loneliness; you will miss the calling. Tackle the inner connection....

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@JohnnyBravo I think we have similar pov on loneliness. 

Quote

this style of loneliness you speak of is a thirstiness for you to connect to yourself/inner voice.

Can you clarify this type of loneliness more? I've always find it hard to articulate like the way you did.

I've always wondered if this type of loneliness is what drives us to seek "external" comforts. Be it friends, drugs, partying etc?

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@Wyze It's a feeling of going nowhere. It is hard for me to discribe but I just feel like I am wasting my life day in and day out. Especially when I am alone. Probably because I think about it. Even if I meet friends and work hard. It feels useless.

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6 hours ago, Actualizer777 said:

@Wyze It's a feeling of going nowhere. It is hard for me to discribe but I just feel like I am wasting my life day in and day out. Especially when I am alone. Probably because I think about it. Even if I meet friends and work hard. It feels useless.

What feels useless? Do you have some kind of expectation of yourself that you aren't meeting? What is 'wasting' the day. Don't pressure yourself to go out and do extravagant things. There's no right or wrong way to do things. So what is there to waste?

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@Shadowraix Philosophically that is true. But nevertheless I have ambitions for my life. I know that there is no inherent good or bad. But I want to live up to my ambitions.

I don't exactly know why it feels empty. But I have no motivation to do anything because it doesn't matter anyways since I am going to die sooner or later. So why bother self-actualizing or building a business I am passionate about? I ask myself these questions for the last couple of months. Before that I could enjoy my life and I was able to have fun when I work. I don't really know why it feels that useless and empty.

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48 minutes ago, Actualizer777 said:

But I have no motivation to do anything because it doesn't matter anyways since I am going to die sooner or later. So why bother self-actualizing or building a business I am passionate about?

You'll have to find your own answer to this, but my answer was "Why no do this?" Its for fun. For something to do while you are here. Really the only reason to do something is because you desire to. Everything is you. So experience all that you have given yourself to experience. It is like a big puzzle and I like puzzles.

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I work from home as well and have been for the last 4 or 5 years. Ive got a foot in both camps, on one side i think you should embrace being alone and actually if you cant then itself is something to work on, being ok with yourself by yourself. On the other side it can get lonely and it is important to have connections with people. But ive noticed recently that sometimes i do feel a bit uncomfortable in social situations because im used to my own space. 

I try and do both, so i try and embrace the alone time, do my work, research, walks, whatever. What i noticed is that before i used to put pressure on myself, saying you should do more, you should party, meet more girls etc etc, once this got a bit more quiet, i started to see being alone as not a bad thing at all. On the other connections are good, so i go to the gym at least 3 times a week and train with one of my friends, so we talk for an hour or so, i also am quite friendly there so i talk to other people (obviously i go to work out but this is a side effect lol). I also talk to friends and family on the phone and hang out with the girl im saying a couple times a week. Also looking into doing a boxing class. So although its a bit of a comfort zone, i feel that it gives a baseline routine where im alone but i also will connect with people at least once a day.

Its just about finding a routine that will allow you to do this, but i also i think in society we look down upon those who spend time by themselves and this creates a shadow within a lot of us about doing it, so that also needs to be overcome i believe

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@Actualizer777

Yes, this sensation of exerting effort but not gaining any speed....this is a sign to go inwards.

The external world has its tricks. Youve tried them all on, and see they dont work. They arent even fun, they are stale. And you still feel in the same place.

Go ever deeper.

The crowd is going left. Should you go right? Are you missing something? Dont go right or left, just remain and settle into solitude. If you go left, you are swept eventually into a river of decay. Going right, your ego will feel as the righteous rebel. And that will be addictive.

If you have the courage to settle into solitude, you will emerge as an Individual.

Now I am against ambitions. I am against an ambitious nature. One ambition is an exception, and that is to know who you are. Loneliness is a calling for this. It is time.

Emerge afterwards, you shall feel sane again.

@Wyze

Yes. You can trust your intuitions for what this loneliness is. You know it already.

A person will avoid isolation if he is afraid he may discover something in him he doesnt like.

Of course, that is the Devil talking.

We only possess inner gold and the eyes to witness it.

Edited by JohnnyBravo

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2 hours ago, Actualizer777 said:

I don't exactly know why it feels empty. But I have no motivation to do anything because it doesn't matter anyways since I am going to die sooner or later. So why bother self-actualizing or building a business I am passionate about? I ask myself these questions for the last couple of months. Before that I could enjoy my life and I was able to have fun when I work. I don't really know why it feels that useless and empty.

Isolation can make life feel meaningless. However, so can self-actualization work. Often times meaninglessness is a sign of progress. The truth is that life has no meaning. At some point or another, if you're really on the path, you are going to go through a nihilistic phase. However, depression relating to isolation is a serious problem. Being around people is absolutely necessary for mental health. Do not mistake the two.

 

1 hour ago, Consept said:

But ive noticed recently that sometimes i do feel a bit uncomfortable in social situations because im used to my own space

Same thing happened to me. IMO, this is a serious problem as well and the reason I'm going to go back to an office job. It is impossible to grow in relationships in living in solitude.

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