Why do I always want to meditate

[UpperClassWhiteBoy]

Hey, forum. I am a college student  who just has very little motivation to do much. I find myself constantly wanting to relax, either by watching youtube videos or by meditating/practicing presence. I have very little desire to do even the most simple tasks unless forced to. I have trouble going to class and miss some homework assignments, but do not care as I keep it hidden from my parents.   I have a hard time waking up in the morning because I feel like I have to be in a meditative/relaxed state to start my day and this emotional perfectionism also seeps into me procrastinating on doing other tasks. I feel like a have a deep desire for blissful states. I isolate myself because I find it hard to achieve these states around others and I care what others think about me too much. I can't comprehend how I will be able to motivate myself to work in corporate america. I feel like maybe I should become a zen monk in a monastery, as the many hours of meditation might suit me (although I heard that waking up early is involved and there's alot of menial labor, which I think I might enjoy as a spiritual practice). Or maybe I somehow convince my parents to let me pursue enlightenment and live with them, which I don't think they would be cool with as they are catholic stage orange.  I currently don't have a meditation habit, I just believe I have enough awareness to slip into meditative states throughout the day. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this dilemma and what they did about it. 

[Dima logach]

i cannot help you with your problem because I'm experiencing it, sorry. but i would highly suggest you to start a meditation habit

 

[Jack River]

Awareness (meditation) is not a state or habit.

Habits-states arise and fall in awareness(meditation)...until perhaps they don’t?

[DrewNows]

This is a very common phase. I believe it’s easy to fall into and do but once you realize, as you have, it is no longer benefiting your life, start your active (awareness) meditation. Test your presence in even the simplest of activities. Can you turn brushing your teeth or cleaning your room into something as beautiful as sitting or laying meditation? What are your thoughts saying about the activities you are avoiding? 

[Anton Rogachevski]

Story of my life

The desire for bliss, relaxation, and peace is suffering. Let it go, and you'll have your bliss.

Hint: you can't let it go, but you can pray for it to be taken.

Edited January 30, 2019 by Anton Rogachevski

[Salvijus]

37 minutes ago, UpperClassWhiteBoy said:

Or maybe I somehow convince my parents to let me pursue enlightenment and live with them.

Lol. This is possible to achieve.

That's what did on some level. Not directly but somehow I managed to found a mutual understanding and a good relationship with my situation. I don't know how I did this but I'm living with parents and I do Yoga and they seem to be okey with that. We never had a serious discussion about that. Life just arranged itself like that somehow and it's working well for me

They say what are you going to do for a living. I say I don't know, my business is just to do Yoga, then something will happen

 

Edited January 30, 2019 by Salvijus

[Maya_0]

To put it simply: You're addicted. Addicted to bliss. A meditation junkie. Addiction to silence & meditation is a real thing, just like addiction to cocaine or porn. And just like the cocaine addict, it sounds like your life is falling apart in a similar fashion to any other addict. You probably had a very pleasant experience in meditation which got you hooked. Now you have to work to unaddict yourself to these states or else you'll never get anywhere, not even Enlightenment. Look up: Buddha on the mountaintop syndrome

The truth is your desires will always cause you suffering. You don't want to be chasing bliss you're whole life, do you? Bliss works the opposite way of that anyway. Blissful states come as a result of letting go.

[UpperClassWhiteBoy]

@LeoGura