Stuck in comfort zone

[Benoit Jazy]

Hello,

As I'm taking no action to improve my life, nothing changes. I might learn a lot of theory but my life still sucks and one year later I am still at the starting point of my self-actualization journey. 

I've settle for the depressing comfy life that I don't even enjoy. I spend days on distractions to avoid facing how much I need change in my life. I suffer deeply from this.

Taking responsibility is very scary for me, as my parents overprotected me all my life and now I'm suddenly on my own, and I can't do anything. I am terribly afraid of failure, so I don't try anymore.

I just can't go pass this fear. And I noticed that every time I think "it's enough, time to take 100% responsibility or my life will suck forever", then I experience huge ego backlash (it's not even a backlash because no progress was made...), cravings, you name it.

It seems that the whole purpose of my ego is to prevent me from growing. And over the years it has become so confined...

So here is the double bind : I can't stay in the confort zone anymore, but I won't take responsibility for my life. I really feel stuck.

I know the only answer is ACTION, bite the bullet and do it, be a man... but the egoïc forces within me are huge. I am looking for a way to bypass them.

Anyone has been there before? 

 

[Willie]

40 minutes ago, Benoit Jazy said:

Hello,

As I'm taking no action to improve my life, nothing changes. I might learn a lot of theory but my life still sucks and one year later I am still at the starting point of my self-actualization journey. 

I've settle for the depressing comfy life that I don't even enjoy. I spend days on distractions to avoid facing how much I need change in my life. I suffer deeply from this.

Taking responsibility is very scary for me, as my parents overprotected me all my life and now I'm suddenly on my own, and I can't do anything. I am terribly afraid of failure, so I don't try anymore.

I just can't go pass this fear. And I noticed that every time I think "it's enough, time to take 100% responsibility or my life will suck forever", then I experience huge ego backlash (it's not even a backlash because no progress was made...), cravings, you name it.

It seems that the whole purpose of my ego is to prevent me from growing. And over the years it has become so confined...

So here is the double bind : I can't stay in the confort zone anymore, but I won't take responsibility for my life. I really feel stuck.

I know the only answer is ACTION, bite the bullet and do it, be a man... but the egoïc forces within me are huge. I am looking for a way to bypass them.

Anyone has been there before? 

 

Yup, been there. Still working my way out slowly. That's the great thing about the internet, though. You can live vicariously and watch as other people live their lives with their successes and failures along the way. That was my life for a long time until I got a job and became financially secure enough to live independently. Now, I basically do what I want as long as it doesn't negatively affect my job. It's not perfect and I still fail, but I've become okay with that.

[Shadowraix]

1 hour ago, Benoit Jazy said:

I know the only answer is ACTION, bite the bullet and do it, be a man... but the egoïc forces within me are huge. I am looking for a way to bypass them

There is no bypass. Your only option is to tackle them head on. You don't get over things by running away but by dealing with them.

Your egoic forces statement is just an excuse to give in to it.

 

[ivankiss]

Even when you fail, you do it flawlessly 

Consistancy. Will. Discipline. Patience. Courage. Strenght. Vision.

All of those are key for you success.

You can do this. 

Find out what's your highest motive.

Have that always in your mind. Especially when things seem to be stuck.

The first step is always the trickiest. 

Nevertheless you soon find yourself running, not looking back 

Wish you luck on your journey!

[Andreas]

Concentrate really hard on what you are going to achieve 10 seconds from now. When you achieve your goals for some time it will get addicting. You get into flow. Then you can start focusing on a minute or an hour. If you can’t start getting into flow then try some motivation.

Repeat this with consistancy and you will develop a stronger and stronger drive to achieve your goals. 

[Sahil Pandit]

@Benoit Jazy What are 3 things u want to take ACTION on? 

[Benoit Jazy]

@Sahil Pandit

I want to learn to cook and have a healthy diet. 

I want to move from my toxic city, change my environment for a while.

I want to meet people and make meaningful friendships.

 

12 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Consistancy. Will. Discipline. Patience. Courage. Strenght. Vision.

All of those are key for you success.

Those are precisely the qualities I lack. I admire people who have such discipline and act massively. Masculine qualities of direction, purpose, responsibility. I understand why life coaching can be so powerful. That might be an effective way to develop them.

Thank you for your encouragement.

12 hours ago, Shadowraix said:

There is no bypass. Your only option is to tackle them head on. You don't get over things by running away but by dealing with them.

Your egoic forces statement is just an excuse to give in to it.

 

Very insightful, thank you. 

[ivankiss]

@Benoit Jazy Lack is illusory. You cannot be lacking anything, absolutely speaking.

But I feel you and I know how it feels.

It is simply a matter of becoming aware of your already existing qualities.

Observe yourself. Higlight your strenghts. Focus on them. Compliment yourself.

Do baby steps. No need to overwhelm yourself with enormous expectations at the begining. You only need to know your next step. Everything will follow. You will gain momentum.

Simply put; don't give up on your goals.

Find the way and the way will find you.

[Not me]

Have you read The 5-second rule? It’s a good technique for instantly getting you into action without your ego/brain getting in the way. Implementing that technique is a great start. It will sound simple but if you fully aplly it, it will be a game changer.

 

 

[katykat]

The first step, as you mentioned by stating a few things you want to change, is to get your needs met. Although some needs may feel egoic, it's important that needs are met and not ignored before you can heal from them and move on to the next step, which for you might be understanding your motivations and accepting responsibility for yourself, your actions, and your effect on others.

This video explains the reason to have our needs met quite well and provides many examples.

 

[bejapuskas]

You are basically blaming your ego for everything, stop that immediately. I see that you are commited to change yourself, so this is the plan.

Stop thinking of the ego as some sort of a devil sitting on your shoulder or a second person - these are all tricks.

Just go and do something NOW, if you want to become healthy, just go to the kitchen and prepare something healthy, it's not that hard.

Your problem is, that you aren't seeing the importance of homeostasis, you are blaming it, and you are living in the future, that's all.