Gladius

The Dark Knight Rises

67 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

I had already visited a couple therapist in my life, but I gave up because I had the feeling I was oversmarting them. This time, after talking to a friend, I chose one of the best in my area. It's expensive but it was worth every cent. We really got along, she was warm and understanding. Next week we'll try EMDR therapy. Let's see if I can finally get rid of my old toxic behaviour patterns.

At the same time, I took some days off my meditation habit to see how it feels.

PS. It's a bit embarrassing to admit this... But I just started smoking. It feels good this point of "rebellion" I never had. I assume it's part of the process and huge backlash of this week. 

Next week I'll be back to "hard journaling", since it was really keeping me on track.

Edited by Gladius

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting that you have taken up smoking, good that you recognise it's chasing a rebelliousness that you might feel you missed out on. Be watchful of the process.

I stopped smoking in 2010 and then started vaping in 2017. Ridiculous, I never missed smoking, so to take on another nictotine addiction 7 years later is wreckless. I think I was also looking for the rebellious buzz. I aim to stop vaping this year.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@studentofthegame I don't plan getting addicted to smoking either. I had an "emotionally hectic" week and smoking was a new way of coping with that, but I don't feel the urge of doing it again. Vaping sounds like a good substitute for that though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

After my second therapy session, I'm confident it is worth investing this time and money in myself. I had some juicy insights, which can redefine my believes system for the better. Even though I'm not sure EMDR will work on me, the value of connecting to my therapist and letting her be part of my healthy inner dialogue is priceless. I'll keep going once a week for the time being.

One of my aha moments involve my father, who made huge efforts (unconsciously) to stop me from succeeding more than him. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but being aware of that that helps me to take action.

I'll be back to daily meditation, NoFap, and phone usage restrictions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can now say EMDR is real. I experienced emotions I had forgotten, and started laughing as soon as I took care my inner child. Besides, I can feel how stablishing a genuine healthy relationship with my therapist is also healing.

However, none of that is a magic pill. I am more and more convinced the only solution is start working towards my goals. I felt the best when I was at the top of my game, taking care of myself and leading a healthy lifestyle. It's really important to remember who you are when the shit hits the fan. 

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not gonna lie, July has been a bit of a backlash. On the 1st day I submitted my project and finished my course. After that, with some free time in my hands, I started smoking and stopped meditating. Hopefully in August it will be easy to get back in track since I'll be two weeks out in the nature in this surf campus.

I also have been visiting this therapist though, and made some progress with her unraveling some traumas and clearing up the past so I can move forward. I will stick with her for a few weeks because changes are significant.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now