Gladius

The Dark Knight Rises

89 posts in this topic

Lots of emotions coming up these days. Still in the same position as I posted last time.

In the middle of this turmoil, there will be some crucial events. I'm pitching my project twice and I'm submitting the final draft to the school. Besides, I'm still visiting this therapist every other week, and reading "The Tao of Fully feeling". This book is opening me up so much that it leaves me literally exhausted. I'm sleeping a lot.

Furthermore, I can't exercise as I usually like to do it. I came back from the surfing camp with my ribs injured, and that needs several weeks of complete rest to heal properly. Actually, this could be a good analogy of what's going on on a emotional level.

I noticed I'm quite alone (not lonely) lately. I need to acknowledge I'm going through some rough days. Probably I'm not so much fun to be around at the moment. That's ok. Still confident about the future though, for some reason.

My intention is to keep it simple, being nice to myself and letting feelings do their thing.

Have a nice day!

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Your feelings, sleeping a lot and spending time alone all sound like a healthy part of the process. I am in a similar phase. Trying to process a lot of old traumas. 

You mention being nice to yourself and this is important while we are going through this type of work. Sometimes an act of self-care such as watching a good film or doing something fun is as important as anything else.

Inspirational post as always, looking forward to reading more. Cheers

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One of my main struggles during last months is whether I should quit my job or not. 

Every time there is big workload, stress takes over and a little voice inside my head urges me to quit. Then, for a few hours I become truly determined to give notice to my boss to quit the job, take some time off, and look for something else I might like better. However, the next morning I usually feel calmer. Another part of me tells me it's not that bad, I have a good income and enough free time for my personal projects. Besides, I already quit jobs in the past and it didn't work well. I promised myself I would endure in this job until I found something else. So I arrive to an agreement with myself to keep combining job and personal projects. Until the next stressful day arrives, and I'm back to the loop.

My hopes are in the next weeks some alternative will actually come true. If not, I'll start applying to other jobs.

In the acting course I took last week I was told I'm totally disconnected from emotions. Little do they know I'm reading "The Tao of fully feeling" to solve that. I'm completely mental. I'm not using my impulse anymore.

I only hope the damage is not permanent.

Meanwhile, I'm still visiting the therapist, reading Pete Walker and taking it easy. Healing is a slow and painful process, but it is taking place. And I'm proud of that.

Have a nice day.

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You are right. It's a slow and painful road we are on but that's where the growth is. Keep it going :)

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Giving myself permission has been key in my recovery. Permission to make mistakes, to speak up, to say no or to be unproductive without feeling bad.

These last months I have smoked, which I never did before. I also tried some drugs, like MDMA. I'd say that was quite a therapeutical experience. You can feel love all around and get a sense of what it must be to be totally healed. 

However, I'm aware of the secondary effects of this consumption. As a way of self-parenting, I'm going back to set some healthy rules to my inner kid. Therefore, I'm not going to spend any more money in tobacco, or any kind of recreational drugs. I want to live a long and prosper live and there's no room for that stuff.

Alcohol is so deeply rooted in this culture it's not gonna be easy to give up. I only drink it socially but still I'll try to keep it to a minimum. I had a bachelor's party yesterday and wouldn't been able to keep the party going with a little bit of booze.

By the way, we booked a virtual reality experience for this party and it did blew my mind. Really recommended if you wanna test how your brain believes anything you feed him with.

Have a nice day.

 

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In the middle of this "recovery" process, I almost forgot I started this as a solution-oriented journal. 

In one week there is this final pitch at the academy. This will be my top priority these days. Rehearsing and taking care of myself will be key. I'm gonna say NO to everything that bothers me in some way to reach the date in peak shape.

Afterwards, I'll review goals.

Have a nice day. 

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Good work man. You seem to have a healthy self awareness, which means going off-course from time to time won't be a disaster and you'll always get yourself back on the saddle.

What is the acadamy? Good luck with the pitch, and i'm looking forward to hearing about these goals in due course.

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@studentofthegame Thanks dude! Yeah, I'm glad to be in this forum to keep me on track. I took a screenwriting course last year, and we're on the final stage these weeks. I'll keep posting about it for sure, it's my priority at the moment.

Edited by Gladius

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