Self improvement and making friends?

[Roch]

So I’d like to be more extroverted, spontaneous and less obsessive. I don’t really have friends at the moment. How do I find friends that have those qualities? Especially when I lack those qualities. Even making friends with people who are average on those qualities would be nice. 

[Spiral]

Analyse why you don’t have friends, for me in the past it was due to neediness and jealously. Took me a long time to realise that.

Edited November 14, 2018 by Spiral

[kira]

Do you have any hobbies? U might like to join a club of something you like to do .. and find friends in that circle

[Pilgrim]

On 14.11.2018 at 2:04 AM, Roch said:

 

So I’d like to be more extroverted, spontaneous and less obsessive. I don’t really have friends at the moment. How do I find friends that have those qualities? Especially when I lack those qualities. Even making friends with people who are average on those qualities would be nice.

 

What about trying to increase your self-confidence and acceptance of yourself? I understand that you would like to change these things about yourself, because they seem preferable to you. But I doubt that you can willingly change your tendency for introversion into extroversion.. but you could embrace being a social introvert. With acceptance of who you are your resistance towards yourself decreases and with this your suffering decreases as well.. if you accept who you are, you might not even feel the need to change these things anymore. The more you love yourself, the more humorously you can take your "short-comings" and people will totally love you for this. I'd totally love someone who embraces his cautious and introverted side in a humorous way. 

You could try out Meet Up or something alike and just go to an event that interests you. Common interests are the best basis for friendship. 

[Roch]

3 hours ago, Pilgrim said:

What about trying to increase your self-confidence and acceptance of yourself? I understand that you would like to change these things about yourself, because they seem preferable to you. But I doubt that you can willingly change your tendency for introversion into extroversion.. but you could embrace being a social introvert. With acceptance of who you are your resistance towards yourself decreases and with this your suffering decreases as well.. if you accept who you are, you might not even feel the need to change these things anymore. The more you love yourself, the more humorously you can take your "short-comings" and people will totally love you for this. I'd totally love someone who embraces his cautious and introverted side in a humorous way. 

You could try out Meet Up or something alike and just go to an event that interests you. Common interests are the best basis for friendship. 

I don’t think my introversion is that genuine. I withdraw from people because they don’t respond the way I like them to. So just social awkwardness. On the rare occasion they do I behave and feel like an extrovert. 

Edited December 17, 2018 by Roch

[Pilgrim]

3 hours ago, Roch said:

I don’t think my introversion is that genuine. I withdraw from people because they don’t respond the way I like them to. So just social awkwardness. On the rare occasion they do I behave and feel like an extrovert.

I see.. so you feel misunderstood from other people? It sounds so cliché I know, but self love is a BIG factor for everyone. You might think that you cannot love yourself the way you are and that you have to change first, but change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not. I'd really suggest to work on your self-esteem. 

[YaNanNallari]

For being less obsessive, more spontaneous. When you make any goals you have all the time. When you follow those goals you have. When it happens, try to let go of them instead! Become aware of them, but see if they are actually any good for being more open. This way you will be more spontaneous, less obsessive.

Being extroverted, it might become less of "I need friends to distract myself from what's within!" or "I was told being successful means having friends right now!" and it might become more, "I'm comfortable with myself, if things go well socially, that's great!"

If you feel misunderstood, opening yourself up to yourself, seeing how you are, will make it easier to communicate that to others. When it is difficult or others do not want to hear it, you will understand them easier too. You can know the world from within.