Stretched thin between self-development and career/productivity/relationships

[rNOW]

So I began  this journey some three years ago and it has been really slow but good progress. The problem with me is, I can only focus on one or two things to change at a time and the change for me takes really really long. When I began this, I was in a very disturbed phase of my life and so it made sense to put my career and relationships on a back-burner and focus on calming my mind and learning to get honest with myself. 

Over the course of these three years, I've realized that I've spent more time on reading, journaling, exercising and cooking healthy meals and watching personal development videos than on my work. I work from home as a freelancer so it was easy to let it slide. The problem now is, I have so many habits in place with all these things that if I let go one, a lot of things fall apart in my day. And most of my mental focus and energy goes into these self-improvement habits that I find other things suffer. 

It's not that I don't have the time to do my work or focus on relationships, it is that I don't have the mental energy to do it. It seems I have to choose between either this or that. 

I wonder if anyone else relates to this problem or has any solutions to it? 

[UDT]

let your higher self have 5 minutes of consciousness and think about this problem and it will be solved

 

[Jack River]

Stretched thin between self-development and career/productivity? 

Same thing, no? 

Relationship might take second place when it comes to the ambitious mind dudes. Freedom first then see if your still interested in self development. 

Edited November 4, 2018 by Jack River

[Joseph Maynor]

You need to know exactly what you authentically actually want in life.  Otherwise the mind will throw sand in your eyes and f*ck up your goals.  When you know exactly what you want and don't want in your life to the extent that you can actually enumerate them in writing -- that's step one.

Step two is to stay committed to those authentic goals because you fully understand the suffering you're gonna cause yourself and others if you don't pursue them.

1. Can you write down your Actual Problem Situations that form the basis of your small picture Life Purpose Work?
2. Can you write down your Life Purpose Statement, your Top 10 Values, your Top 5 Strengths, your Impact Statement, your Zone of Genius, and your Ideal Medium that form the basis of your Big Picture Life Purpose Work?

How do you think you stand a chance of getting results if you don't even know what results you're shooting for and why?  The mind will kill any goals that are not fully bought into.  You need to have a certain kind of indestructable persistence that the mind can't touch with your Life Purpose goals.  Sure, maybe the mind f*cks me today, but tomorrow is a new day and my commitment to my goals hasn't changed.  That's why you need to know what your authentic goals are and why you're committed to them over the long-term of your life.  

Edited November 4, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Equanimitize]

5 hours ago, rNOW said:

It's not that I don't have the time to do my work or focus on relationships, it is that I don't have the mental energy to do it. It seems I have to choose between either this or that. 

 

Can you give specific examples or an example of where you have to make a choice between one or the other?

When it comes to habits, theres whats called habit gravity everything is trying to keep you on planet earth and to not go to outer space. Theres going to be resistance, but if you do the habit long enough there will no longer be resistance-it will be automatic to the point where you no loner need will power (rocket fuel) to get to outer space. So then you can use your rocket fuel for other habits you build. Of course you cant implement everything and so you have to figure out what is your best bang for the buck, what is your largest ROI right now at this point in your life?

[rNOW]

12 hours ago, UDT said:

let your higher self have 5 minutes of consciousness and think about this problem and it will be solved

 

@UDT Thanks, I did. It asked me to get out of my head for a while and ask someone else, since I might be unaware of certain other perspectives. (:

@Joseph Maynor Thanks a lot! Your response made me realize the problem is deeper than my question. I do know exactly how I wish to spend my life. And what my values are. I have put that in writing, but I've missed the connecting part - how it is going to impact others and how do I need to go about doing it in a specific way, and how to implement it on a daily basis. Thanks again! 

@Equanimitize An example is, currently, I have a bad sprain which needs recovering from and a lot of time and energy goes in exercising and physiotherapy. So I end up structuring my day around this and even when I have the time to do my work, I don't because I'm exhausted. I make it the main thing instead of it being the thing that fuels my work. The same with journaling. I have certain triggers which unless I journal them out, they tend to block anything I do because a lot of my work is creativity based and unless sorted it hangs on my head like a black cloud and whatever I create gets tinted with soot from that black cloud. So then I sit and journal instead of working. Which leaves me exhausted again. You're right about habits. They tend to get easier with time and practice. My specific problem is they take such a long time to become a habit that I look forward to, that other things suffer due to it. It probably takes me around a year of doing something everyday to even look forward to doing it. (As opposed to some research that says 21 days or 66 days or 90 days). 

Thanks a lot for your responses. This has made me rethink a lot of things. It is going to take a lot more working on myself than I thought it would.  

[Equanimitize]

@rNOW Right on, seems like you know where you are going. Just maybe have to work out the kinks. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to answer your question, and just wanted to say what you're doing is awesome, and to keep charging forward! 

[aurum]

@rNOW

Self development work is like sharpening the saw for your career / relationships. Don't think of them as different parts of your life.

22 hours ago, rNOW said:

I've realized that I've spent more time on reading, journaling, exercising and cooking healthy meals and watching personal development videos than on my work

Do you feel your work is relatively aligned with your life purpose? If you're doing something that's out of alignment, it's easy for procrastination to set in.

22 hours ago, rNOW said:

it is that I don't have the mental energy to do it. It seems I have to choose between either this or that. 

That might actually be true.

Personally, I tend to go hard on just one or two things at a time. Everything else gets pushed to the side. Balance is a never ending process based on what your needs are in the moment.

You may want to try reading Getting Things Done by my friend David Allen.

[rNOW]

@Equanimitize Thanks a lot! Sometimes I wonder if I'm going crazy. 

@aurum Thanks for the response. I do think my work is aligned with my values now. It wasn't earlier for many years (which resulted in a lot of wasted time) and it still needs consistent re-evaluation- my work and my values- both. Even though I haven't changed what I'm working on, I have changed why I take on any work and how I go about it. I do feel like a fraud due to this and I eventually stopped resonating with a lot of people. But it is a very recent alignment, so I believe this is just a phase? 

On the other hand, I have this problem: That I start liking whatever I focus on and put my effort in at the moment, even if I despise the thing initially. Example: I spent over one year really focusing on learning personal finance which I knew nothing of and not focusing on learning anything new for my work. So work got boring, personal finance got interesting! And at the end of that period, I seriously started thinking that maybe I should change my career to something related to personal finance.

And thanks again, I will check out that book. (: