How do I OWN what I’m interested in?

[Roch]

Hi. I’m new on the forum, so I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this. For a while I’ve had this issue where I get interested in something, but extremely embarrassed about it. There’s other examples, but playing accordion is a good example. At first I was interested in listening to accordion music. It was embarrassing, but I could keep it a secret easily. At that point I had no desire to play and I thought it would be too much work to be as good as my favorite accordion players anyways.

Eventually I felt extremely compelled to start playing accordion and I have pretty much no choice, but to play. It’s like an overwhelming urge to play it. So I learn to play. I get hypercritical of my skills. People around me compliment me on how I play, but a big part of me is still embarrassed about it. I just can’t own it. Eventually I lose motivation to practice. I’m pretty low motivation to begin with. How can I even be motivated to do something that I’m ultimately embarrassed about? I’m not even sure playing accordion or any of my other EIs(embarrassing interests) fit with my ideal self. 

Why do I even get these embarrassing interests? Should I find a way to stop them from happening since they might get in the way of me being my ideal self? Not sure how spiritual everyone is here, but is there some spiritual reason these interests even pop up? Why are they so all-consuming? I find I over-indentify with them and kind of try to separate them from my persona. 

[Shin]

Are those things you like to do hurts anybody ?

Are those things an addiction that hurts you more than they bring joy to you ?

If no and no, there is no problems,

And you should try to understand why you are embarrassed to do those things.

Probably is because people around you find that gay or stupid, well their opinions doesn't matter, read and learn how not to give a fuck about what people think of you.

[i am I AM]

"People around you" such as Internet people, if they're a big influence on your life, ever. So, that's anyone you see as people around you or esp. people you take to be influential.

[Roch]

1 hour ago, i am I AM said:

"People around you" such as Internet people, if they're a big influence on your life, ever. So, that's anyone you see as people around you or esp. people you take to be influential.

I meant people in real life. 

[Nahm]

@Roch

I for one would love to hear you play the accordion. I’d love to hear you play it, like you’re alone. Unabashedly. Like you’re made to. 

[SageModeAustin]

Games are a waste of time imo, unless you're playing games like chess or something. 

[moon777light]

this is a classic example of low-self esteem. Work on raising your self esteem, then the embarrassment will disappear

[Roch]

18 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

Games are a waste of time imo, unless you're playing games like chess or something. 

What does this have to do with my thread?

[SageModeAustin]

@Roch OH MY BAD, I thought accordion was an online game

[SageModeAustin]

@Roch If you enjoy playing the accordion then play it.

If you don't enjoy playing the accordion then don't play it. 

Fuck what people think, life's too short to worry about that. 

Tbh, you can make anything cool if you are good enough at it.

Edited October 24, 2018 by SageModeAustin

[Roch]

6 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

@Roch OH MY BAD, I thought accordion was an online game

LOL.  I’m a pretty big internet addict, but not as much as people here assume. I meant accordion the instrument and people in real life. Accordion is only one of many examples. I keep getting interests I’m embarrassed about and later lose motivation for.