Order of Steps to Self Actualize?

[MM1988]

Lets say you have a guy who is totally depressed, no relationship experience, social anxiety, bad habits. Imagine the lowest of the lowest psychologically speaking. Now you want to get that guy to self actualization.

Which techniques or topics that Leo talks about should he work on first and in which order would he go forward? How do these topics and techniques build on top of each other?

 

Bonus Question: Which tips would you give to a depressed virgin 30 year old man?

Edited July 1, 2018 by MM1988

[egoeimai]

1. Force himself to be outside almost all day,sun exposure.

2. Get a job so that u can ensure this guy is socializing and not be in bed all day.

3. Start to do things that u enjoy doing

4. Build new habits. Meditation/eating/exercising.

5. Meet new people. Build relationships.

 

[Elisabeth]

16 minutes ago, MM1988 said:

Lets say you have a guy who is totally depressed, no relationship experience, social anxiety, bad habits. Imagine the lowest of the lowest psychologically speaking. Now you want to get that guy to self actualization.

Actually, to get himself into a mental health hospital (in Europe at least) or a "daily stationaire" or a therapy group at least. My reasoning is that when really depressed one is not really able to self-actualize. All of Leo content may be way to high for him.

In a mental health hospital they would do a few things for him

• provide a daily structure which helps re-establish habits
• have him make contact with other people and have him realize he's not alone in his problems which both helps social phobia and low self-esteem
• provide various therapeutic sessions where he starts getting to know himself
• they'd probably also give him antidepressants, but I don't think that's bad as a crutch

Once he's out it's really important to get a job, even part-time is fine, and follow up with more therapy. Follow what @egoeimai  sais in whatever order, and don't forget about the "doing things you enjoy" - chances are when depressed there is little you actually enjoy, but finding any of it is of huge benefit. 

Another little tip on the habits side is to have a gratitude journal, google that. 

Anyway, that's the conventional way of dealing with it. And it does work to a large extent. 

[Spiral]

Clean his room, organise his things and clothing. Improve his hygiene. Get his exterior tidy. Is a good start. Small steps is important. 

Joining the army could also have positive effects.

[Rebec]

You can't help others, if they don't want help. They really need it to do it for themselves. Your help should only be encouraging or reflecting on his process, do NOT get involved.

Find out where he is on the grief circle or this chart below and then give help accordingly to his stage. So if he feels depressed about some youth trauma, don't give advice that he needs to drop it, go out more and do more pick-up. Acknowledge and let him work through his feelings by doing innerwork, like 'the Work' by Byron Katie, shadowwork like 'the Completion Process' by Teal Swan.

Pick one thing and work it all the way through. Don't expect him to become the next month happiest person alive, have a girlfriend and be anxiety free. Let hi work on his most pressing issue and then move on to the next.

I recomment the early (read 3 years ago), videos of Leo (emotions, angry, depression). Emotion videos of Teal Swan, the Work videos of Byron Katie (free worksheet on her website, very usefull), 5-minute rule by Mel Robbins for instant anxiety release or the Sedona Method (<-- last one maybe wait untill he is ready to let go of some stuff).

Again, do not get involved to much. This will backfire. You will create for a him a new defense mechanism (the guy who will be helped when he f*cked up life). It will be very hard fot him to get rid of this defense mechanism once he has learned this and then he will constantly reflect this upon others including you. So only acknowledgement and reflection will work.

 

[Leo Gura]

@MM1988 It's gonna depend a lot on his particulars.

A person like that is going to have serious motivation problems. So you need steps which will get him engaged and mobilized. That will depend on what he really wants in life and what will motivate him.

If he's a 30 year virgin, then coming up with a compelling vision could work nicely. Like a vision of him getting into shape, starting to socialize, and finally landing his hot dream girlfriend. That should probably get him engaged. But he has to start believing that it's really possible for him to do that, not just a pipe dream.

A person so stuck will have A LOT of excuses for why he can't, why nothing ever works. Classic victim mindset. You gotta question all those excuses to death and draw that compelling vision anyway.

A great vision is the key to motivation. A vision that really fits you. (See my Life Purpose Course for how to create a badass vision for your life.)