Morality Question

[beatlemantis]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 9 months now, we’ve moved in together, and are nearing engagement. 

There’s an issue that’s been semi-freqeunt, however, from a mistake I made a couple nights before I met him. I got carried away with the swiping of Tinder that I ended up fooling around with another guy, then my current boyfriend and I spontaneously decided to meet a couple days early. This was only 2 or so days after I fooled around with this other guy. 

I’ve told him the complete truth and answered any questions he’s had with complete honesty. These have included, “was he bigger than me?”, “Did you like it?”, “Did he make you cum?”, etc. 

I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend a month in from dating, but it was the first time I ever foolled around with a guy when I did with the guy before him. I felt dirty after fooling around with this guy, but I felt a huge connection to my current boyfriend after meeting which caused me never to call that guy back again. 

He brought him up again in our last phone call, self-conscious about his size and angry at me for my morals around it. I deeply regret fooling around with this guy, but to be honest I really wasn’t thinking. I didn’t let it permeate in my consciousness that it would lead to that, but maybe I was subconsciously tricking myself because I knew I wanted to do it..but I scrubbed my skin hard that night in the shower. 

I just want to know, from a relationship-moral standpoint.. am I an awful girlfriend for behaving this way prior to meeting him? Do I deserve his forgiveness? Will this relationship work or inevitably fold?

I want harsh honesty, please, I need a new perspective. 

[Prabhaker]

1 hour ago, beatlemantis said:

I just want to know, from a relationship-moral standpoint..

What is wrong if you play tennis with one partner today, another partner another day? And sex is nothing more than tennis.

The very combination of sex and morality has poisoned the whole past of morality. Morality became so much sex-oriented that it lost all other dimensions , which are far more important. Sex should not really be so much of a concern for moral thinking.  It should be like a game, a play: two persons playing with each other's bodily energies. If they both are happy, it should be nobody else's concern. 

A man should be allowed to come in contact with as many as women as possible. A woman should be allowed to come in contact with as many men as possible. Both will be richer, and rich in experience, intimacy, friendship; they will know the heights of love which otherwise are missing.

Humans are polygamous by nature, but woman has been conditioned by man for thousands of years into thinking that she is monogamous, but she is not.

[Matt8800]

6 hours ago, beatlemantis said:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 9 months now, we’ve moved in together, and are nearing engagement. 

There’s an issue that’s been semi-freqeunt, however, from a mistake I made a couple nights before I met him. I got carried away with the swiping of Tinder that I ended up fooling around with another guy, then my current boyfriend and I spontaneously decided to meet a couple days early. This was only 2 or so days after I fooled around with this other guy. 

I’ve told him the complete truth and answered any questions he’s had with complete honesty. These have included, “was he bigger than me?”, “Did you like it?”, “Did he make you cum?”, etc. 

I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend a month in from dating, but it was the first time I ever foolled around with a guy when I did with the guy before him. I felt dirty after fooling around with this guy, but I felt a huge connection to my current boyfriend after meeting which caused me never to call that guy back again. 

He brought him up again in our last phone call, self-conscious about his size and angry at me for my morals around it. I deeply regret fooling around with this guy, but to be honest I really wasn’t thinking. I didn’t let it permeate in my consciousness that it would lead to that, but maybe I was subconsciously tricking myself because I knew I wanted to do it..but I scrubbed my skin hard that night in the shower. 

I just want to know, from a relationship-moral standpoint.. am I an awful girlfriend for behaving this way prior to meeting him? Do I deserve his forgiveness? Will this relationship work or inevitably fold?

I want harsh honesty, please, I need a new perspective. 

He is upset and doesnt know why. The reason is a behavior that is common among other apes also...its call mate guarding. You didnt do anything "wrong" (who has the authority to determine it wrong?). You just did something that many human males are biologically wired to dislike.

[aurum]

@beatlemantis

He's insecure and now he's unconsciously shaming you in order to make himself feel better. It's all about his needs, not yours as an individual or a couple.

Notice that since he brought all this up, you've been feeling guilty. That's exactly the point. It's a strategy to stop you from cheating on him in the future.

That's as blunt as I can be.

[egoeimai]

17 hours ago, beatlemantis said:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 9 months now, we’ve moved in together, and are nearing engagement. 

There’s an issue that’s been semi-freqeunt, however, from a mistake I made a couple nights before I met him. I got carried away with the swiping of Tinder that I ended up fooling around with another guy, then my current boyfriend and I spontaneously decided to meet a couple days early. This was only 2 or so days after I fooled around with this other guy. 

I’ve told him the complete truth and answered any questions he’s had with complete honesty. These have included, “was he bigger than me?”, “Did you like it?”, “Did he make you cum?”, etc. 

I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend a month in from dating, but it was the first time I ever foolled around with a guy when I did with the guy before him. I felt dirty after fooling around with this guy, but I felt a huge connection to my current boyfriend after meeting which caused me never to call that guy back again. 

He brought him up again in our last phone call, self-conscious about his size and angry at me for my morals around it. I deeply regret fooling around with this guy, but to be honest I really wasn’t thinking. I didn’t let it permeate in my consciousness that it would lead to that, but maybe I was subconsciously tricking myself because I knew I wanted to do it..but I scrubbed my skin hard that night in the shower. 

I just want to know, from a relationship-moral standpoint.. am I an awful girlfriend for behaving this way prior to meeting him? Do I deserve his forgiveness? Will this relationship work or inevitably fold?

I want harsh honesty, please, I need a new perspective. 

Harsh honesty, okay.

I don't see any mistakes from your part. Just to be clear w this. You did something u wanted to do or didnt (it doesnt matter)-(thats life-you live-you take action-sooo normal) ,but the after party is kinda what makes u suffer-that story you're  telling now is what makes u feel how u feel , do not regret your actions, do not blame yourself about it, be kind to yourself, you did nothing wrong, you owe nothing to noone. Stay calm. Meditate. Now you can see more clearly the story, sometimes emotions get in the way and blur the picture.

The guy has insecurities. Thats okay, but I can see that when he blames u thats kinda wrong , cause I know, when u love someone, u just fully accept him, and no matter how much u tried, he still feels insecure. And thats not your job  to change.

Now thats your part. You either decide to stay w this person and his insecurities or leave. You choose.