Pathless Path Advice

[nethernalbeing]

Hi!

First of all - I'm new here and I'm very grateful to be a part of this forum (Hi once again!).

This post will be a longer one due to the nature of my ego's problem. Will appreciate any response.

I'll start with a brief background. 

About a year ago I was an aggressive, totally ego-bound guy. I had a girlfriend at that time (which I dated only because of her looks unfortunately).

I had also my two best mates and we lived together under one roof. I aspired to become a great, famous musician (doing my solo project). 

4 months have passed. Because of my anger and a sense of self-importance I broke up with my GF and lost my buddies. Finally they basically kicked me out of  the house. Left completely alone and homeless - I found a new room for me to live in (with great cotenants). In that time the reality totally punched me in the face. 

Calming down my nerves and improving myself - these were my main goals back then. After a while - through meditation yoga etc. my path brought me to self-inquiry and enlightenment. Later on I noticed that my old hobbies (gaming, excessive movie watching, and social media) started to bore me immensely (although I keep playing games occasionally - and watch movies. I ignore social media in general).

New friends and a girlfriend would be a distraction - so I'm left by myself very often.

My 3 questions are:

- being still in "the matrix" how can I fill my time? I keep meditating, exercising, being aware while doing simple things, self-inquiring - however I'm left with hours of free time. Being in the moment is great but it's hard to just be for hours daily while still attached to ego partially.

- what to do with my music? I still have an attachment to it but try to create it to please others and not my ego.

-  I keep constantly judging things by their relation to ego. I know labeling is a thing of the mind but will it not help me to avoid unnecessary activities?

 

As you can see I'm trying to accept what is but I'm in a limbo. I recognize the human condition (desiring, chasing, aspiring) and try to avoid it but know that letting go is the best option. Feels damn strange and also my relationships with others are getting clearer but weird AF.

Any responses would be much appreciated. Thank you!

[zoey101]

Hey man, fist of all, welcome  you have found some of the nicest and supportive people possibly in the world  

3 minutes ago, nethernalbeing said:

- being still in "the matrix" how can I fill my time? I keep meditating, exercising, being aware while doing simple things, self-inquiring - however I'm left with hours of free time. Being in the moment is great but it's hard to just be for hours daily while still attached to ego partially.

I personally am just trying to explore. There is a big world out there, and I know you haven't even seen half of it, no one really has. Try to just be in the world but from a study stand point. I don't know much about all of this, but I feel like experiencing the world and it's different cultures and views can be eye opening

7 minutes ago, nethernalbeing said:

- what to do with my music? I still have an attachment to it but try to create it to please others and not my ego.

I am right there with you on this one. I grew up singing, and had my whole life planned out in order to achieve my dream. But, as you know, life doesn't always go as planned. Right now I am focusing on getting my life a little more organized and then I hope to be back in my music. Look to Public Radio. It's a pretty open-minded platform to practice with  I've heard literally anything from songs about love to songs about getting high, to Steve Martin playing his banjo and singing about hating his ex lol Don't do it for others. Do it because you love music  

11 minutes ago, nethernalbeing said:

-  I keep constantly judging things by their relation to ego. I know labeling is a thing of the mind but will it not help me to avoid unnecessary activities?

I think taking things too seriously can lead to this mentality. It's easy to fall into, but harder to get out of. Like I said earlier, I don't much about all of this, but I'm sure more qualified people will come along to help  

[Faceless]

25 minutes ago, zoey101 said:

, I don't much about all of this, but I'm sure more qualified people will come along to help  

You are are as qualified as anyone my friend 

[zoey101]

1 minute ago, Faceless said:

You are are as qualified as anyone my friend 

Thank you  that means a lot 

[who chit]

@zoey101

You're doing quite well,imo. There's quite a bit of intuitive insight in your post above.
Don't be too quick to discount your own self knowledge.

[Girzo]

Start Kriya Yoga practice from reading books. Use the rest of your free time to work on your passion.

[Torkys]

Welcome to the forum!

11 hours ago, nethernalbeing said:

-  I keep constantly judging things by their relation to ego. I know labeling is a thing of the mind but will it not help me to avoid unnecessary activities?

Let me ask you two questions: Who is judging things by their relation to ego? Who is trying to avoid unnecessary activities?

People here - especially the newbies of enlightenment work - usually look at the ego as the enemy. This will get you actually further from enlightenment because the ego turning against itself is ego itself! The ego actually wants to hold onto aspects of God - invulnerability, utter tranquility, love. etc. - but it misinterprets them. When the question is dissolving the ego, Love Is The Only Answer

11 hours ago, nethernalbeing said:

- being still in "the matrix" how can I fill my time? I keep meditating, exercising, being aware while doing simple things, self-inquiring - however I'm left with hours of free time. Being in the moment is great but it's hard to just be for hours daily while still attached to ego partially.

At some point in your journey of becoming aware, just being conscious will be the most beautiful thing you could do - or not do. Why do you - the ego - need to fill your free time? Again, ego is just like a sidekick of yours who never gets things right - but for this, it deserves love not hate.

11 hours ago, nethernalbeing said:

- what to do with my music? I still have an attachment to it but try to create it to please others and not my ego.

Wanting to please others is still ego.

But yet again, attachment and the pleasing of your ego are not problems! Your ego got onto this path because it thinks it will get something out of it - this is still ego!

Follow your bliss. The ego will manage the activity or the way you think about it when it encounters resistance.