Edogowa Conan

Becoming a sage

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Thanks to @How to be wise recommendation, I have decided to use The Work as my method to enlightenment and sagehood. Leo always says that it takes decades to achieve mastery of your mind and emotions, but this technique might actually get me there in a year or two. 

I’ve been doing The Work for three days now, and I am amazed at how good I feel when I’m inquiring into my thoughts. 

The four questions of The Work are:

1. Is it true?

2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

3. How do I react when I believe that thought?

4. Who would I be without that thought?

According to Byron Katie, the questions 3 and 4 are most important for beginners. As we ask ourselves how we react when we believe those thoughts, we become aware of the suffering that it causes. Then we ask, who would you be without this thought, and you feel the peace that comes from not believing it. Your mind becomes aware, over time, that believing untrue thoughts causes suffering, and it lets go of them by itself. 

But as we get more experience with The Work, Katie advises that we focus more on the first and second questions. 

Before we answer the questions, we need to fill in the ‘Judge your neighbour’ worksheet, which is something I take pleasure in doing.

In the three days I’ve done The Work, I’ve done half hour meditation sessions. What I like about The Work is that we work directly with the issues that are troubling us. We directly question those thoughts and let them go. We always end up in a state of not-knowing, which feels very good. 

Reading Katie’s books about her experiences motivates me a lot to pursue The Work. Some of her stories are so shocking that I recognised what level of mastery she holds. 

I’ll be posting here if I get any breakthroughs or interesting experiences with The Work. What I’m really after is not experiences or mystical states. I want my permanent state to be transformed. I want permanent enlightenment and complete embodiment. Is it possible to do it in a few years rather than your whole life? That is the question I will answer. 

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@Edogowa Conan You can. The Work is far more powerful than meditation or yoga. Would like to see your progress. 


"It’s all been a misunderstanding. The ego to me is a beautiful thing.” — Byron Katie

 

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I am willing to try this one  ,  after watching her on YouTube on the "wisdom 2.0" it sounds amazing  ! 

Let's try it out  ! 

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It’s been a month, and I’ve been doing The Work every single day since. Today, during the session, I became conscious that the only reason this world wasn’t paradise was because of the negative thoughts I was believing about it. And that if I wrote down all those thoughts on paper, and questioned them, then I would be living in paradise. I saw how my journey through The Work would end. For the next hour after that realisation, I was simply basking in ecstasy (bliss is too light of a word) of seeing how this process would end with me questioning all the negative thoughts. My motivation has become stronger now than ever. I want to reach that stage where I’m believing no negative thoughts about the world, and I’m in complete rapture from that moment all the way through to my death.

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I’ve realised that recently, I’ve been in many situations where I become aware of the difference between my thoughts about the situation, and the situation itself. Sometimes, I’m present in a situation without my thoughts about it, just experiencing it as it is. I feel that with The Work, I’m coming closer to a point where I can experience life without any of my thoughts about it.

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Posted (edited)

@Pernani I’m still doing the practice everyday.

I’m noticing a barrier that is being drawn between my internal state and the external world. My internal state is becoming more and more independent of the external world of forms. 

As for enlightenment, I’m not enlightened yet but I’m seeing in my daily experience that the arbitrary boundaries that I’ve set on reality is starting to disappear. Usually during the day I have moments where I see no difference between subjective and objective reality. Other times I have glimpses of myself not being separate from the external world.

My results are now starting to grow more exponentially. 

Edited by Edogowa Conan

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2 hours ago, Edogowa Conan said:

@Pernani I’m still doing the practice everyday.

I’m noticing a barrier that is being drawn between my internal state and the external world. My internal state is becoming more and more independent of the external world of forms. 

As for enlightenment, I’m not enlightened yet but I’m seeing in my daily experience that the arbitrary boundaries that I’ve set on reality is starting to disappear. Usually during the day I have moments where I see no difference between subjective and objective reality. Other times I have glimpses of myself not being separate from the external world.

My results are now starting to grow more exponentially. 

Well damn I might jump into this practice, what's the book's name?

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@Pernani Loving What Is


"It’s all been a misunderstanding. The ego to me is a beautiful thing.” — Byron Katie

 

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3 hours ago, How to be wise said:

@Pernani Loving What Is

Thanks man! Also noticed there's one called "4 questions that will change ur life" isn't this what this is about ?

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@Pernani it’s the same book ‘Loving What Is: 4 questions that will change your life’

If you’re interested in the results you will get from the work, read the book ‘a thousand names for joy’ where Katie just talks about her daily experience and the results that she got from the work. Personally, it was that book that motivated me to start doing The work. 

 


"It’s all been a misunderstanding. The ego to me is a beautiful thing.” — Byron Katie

 

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For the last two weeks, I bumped up the time of my practice from 60 mins to 90 mins. And the results of this practice have been pouring in ever since. I am unraveling my shadow aspects like I have never done before in my life. Many things that just 1 month ago would scare me and make me anxious, today I am laughing about them. Many of my long-held concepts that I’ve had about life have fallen away. It’s like the tight knot of my life is opening itself. The level of peace and bliss that I enjoy in my life is simply unbelievable. At this rate, I think that I can purify my mind in just the coming year. Then my journey to become a sage will be over. The Work is working!

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Yesterday, during my 90 min session, I had an extraordinary experience. As I was doing The Work on an issue which really made me nervous, I had an awakening where it felt like a straitjacket that I have been wearing my whole life had finally come off, and that I was finally dealing with that problem. I felt four of the chakras activating at the same time (and no, I was not doing yoga). 

For the past 5-8 years, I have been suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome and very little energy. I would get tired if I went out for even ten minutes. During those years, I spent most of my time on my bed using my iPad. I had no idea that my lack of energy was due to me being bogged down by so many of those beliefs, to the point where they would drain me of all energy. But in this experience, I felt that a significant chunck of this weight has been lifted off me, and a huge wave of energy just streamed through my body. Definitely a life changing experience. I am feeling this energy that I haven’t had for close to a decade right now. What I’m hoping is that as I carry on with The Work, I can increase my energy levels radically, and my body can become a lot lighter so that I can spend more time outdoors.

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In this session, I realised that, as a teacher at a school, I need to give up the idea that I’m a teacher. That’s because when I latch on to the idea that I’m a teacher, I have expectations of how students should treat me, since I believed that teachers are superior to students. I had expectations that they should respect me, that they shouldn’t judge me and they shouldn’t try to start fights with me. But the problem was, those expectations caused me a lot of pain when a student did do one of those things. I woke up to the fact that none of those expectations are true, because students have free will and will do what they want to do. For my sake, I needed to give up all those expectations I had of students, and to also give up any notions that I as a teacher am any different from any of the students, and that I should get any preferential treatment, because that sometimes wouldn’t happen. To my amazement, I noticed that I feel a lot better when I don’t have any of those expectations. That idea seemed scary at first, but as I did The Work more, I became more and more accepting to this new reality. It’s a new start to something that I’ve been doing for a long time. 

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In today’s session, it became clear to me that my social anxiety was due to me holding an identity. I constructed a story about who I am, and about who I wanted other people to see me as. In secondary school, I was bullied very badly by the rest of the class. But today, I realised that my suffering didn’t actually come from them. They never harmed me physically. The way they made me suffer was by laughing at me, calling me names and making fun of me. I realised that I suffered those insults because of my self-image. I had an image of my self as an honourable student who was worthy of respect. And every time the class bullied me, I suffered a blow to that self image. Today, as a teacher, I was very strict to the class for that exact reason: I had a strong self image. I wanted all of the students to see me as the strongest and the most popular. That’s why I suffer so much when a student shows disrespect. I realised that if I want to be happy in school, I need to completely destroy that self image, so that I can do whatever I want to do. I can let whatever happens in class happen, and still be joyful about it. I have to get to work doing exactly that.

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In today’s session, I became aware of the nature of ‘wants’. You don’t ‘want’ anything, until the thought comes into your mind that you do. When that thought comes into your mind, you mistake the thought of wanting, for wanting itself. So whenever I say I want something, it actually means that the thought of wanting something has appeared in my mind, and I believe it. So the work of being detached includes ‘unbelieving’ all of your current ‘wants’, because in reality, you don’t want anything. Before the thought appeared in your mind, you were in perfect contentment. After the thought appears, you believe it and then you react physically or emotionally. Who would you be without that thought? Perfect peace. Nothing is true. Reality happens. 

Edited by Edogowa Conan

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Today, when I went to teach the class, I noticed that I spent a significant amount of the time in ecstasy. My body was oozing with energy and excitement in a job that made me anxious, angry and very tired for the last year. The thing that I did differently today was to let go of the anger I had for the kids. I knew from my previous inquiry session that this anger was merely covering up a far deeper and more painful issue. When I let go of the anger, in its place came fear, offensiveness and embarrassment. This was very familiar ground. I was bullied throughout middle school and the first half of high school. Those emotions where the ones I felt when this gang in my class would constantly pick on me. My anger in class as I teach today came because I didn’t want the students I teach to bully me the same way I was bullied in high school. The best way to avoid this scenario was to establish my status as a teacher. But today I finally let go of this anger so that I could deal with the real issue, which is the fear I felt from getting bullied. I’m super exited to finally deal with this problem that has been plaguing me for close to ten years. 

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Last week, I made another huge commitment. I decided to let go of trying to control the class. The school that I teach is a place where students don’t want to be. The students are (by the looks of it) forced to come there and the teachers intimidate the children and scare them into behaving properly. Part of the job is to talk in a loud angry voice, to scare the children using any means possible. Anything less of this would produce a chaotic class where nobody would listen to you. For the past year, I’ve been playing into that game. It caused me A LOT of fear, anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue and tiredness. I was extremely fed up of that school and yet I had to go there, because my parents forced me. For some background context I’m a 19 year old university student who is teaching this class in the weekend. So saying that it’s a school is a little misleading. But anyway, I was so bogged down by this school that I felt trapped. I had no way out, until I found The Work. Now I have a way out. I’ve decided to stop fighting the kids altogether, and to let them do what they want to do. I will tell them kindly to sit down and behave, but that will be as far as I go. I understand that with this attitude, my career as this teacher won’t go on for too long, but that doesn’t matter. It’s the best thing that I can do. 

One huge obstacle that I have against this attempt is the loyalty that I feel towards the main teachers who were the ones to give me this job. I understand that I will be letting them down, but I don’t care anymore. My happiness comes before anything. I won’t spend the rest of my life trying to kiss their feet. I have my own life to live. My own happiness to pursue. So tough titty to those teachers. 

Another huge commitment that I made is to ‘level the rank’ between myself and the rest of the students. For the past year, I’ve been acting like I was superior to all of the children, so they don’t treat me like one. I’ve realised slowly that this attitude is causing me more trouble. I’m constantly scared that the students might think of me as another student instead of as a teacher. That’s also something that I must work on. My goal is to one day do the job whilst enjoying it at the same time. I feel like it’s time is coming much and much closer.

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@Edogowa Conan Hi, I read through your entries and I am so glad that you are feeling better and have come to some realizations with your career. I was bullied in school too, I have a whole post dedicated to that in my journal if you want to check it out. I wouldn't have even thought twice about becoming a teacher because of my fear of bullying... unless perhaps an elementary teacher. I'm curious, what age group do you teach at this weekend class? Do you think it would be a cop-out to go into early education thereby bypassing all of the anxiety and issues you have with older students, or do you wish to overcome these fears and not let them rule your life? Personally, I think either way would be noble, but of course its about what you want. 

 

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@seeking_brilliance I teach age group 8-11. Although in our school most of the kids are between 12-16. Which is exactly the age group that I used to get bullied in. Will I Cop-out? No. For two reasons. 1) I don’t have a choice, my parents are forcing me to teach there. Otherwise they won’t pay for my uni fees. 2) Since I’ve found a way to deal with this permanently, it only adds to my benefit that they are around. After a few months of being around them, I will have dealt with it once and for all. After that, I’m good as immune to this problem. 

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