Edogowa Conan

Becoming a sage

23 posts in this topic

@Edogowa Conan yeah, sometimes being forced into a situation is the best method for growth. I'm happy for you that you are put into an uncomfortable situation and are determined to overcome it.  Best of luck!

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So I’ve finally let go of controlling the class. That was quite a big achievement. My time in the school has become a lot more peaceful and joyful. That peace has even spread through to other parts of my life. But now, my next milestone is to allow my students to see that I’m quite weak. There are many students in year 9 who are probably physically stronger than me. I’m not very strong physically after all. Those year 9s sometimes come to my class and try to test my strength in front of my students (year 4 and 5). That fills me with so much anxiety because I’m scared that my students will see that I’m physically weaker than other students. I fear that the news will spread to the whole school and that I will lose my students respect. But I must let go of that. In order for me to be happy around those year 9s, I need to allow everybody to see how weak I am. I realised that this is one way that I lie. I lie to people about my strength. I make them believe that I’m strong, but actually I’m quite weak. I must let go of any attachments that I have to my students, and any respect or admiration they have for me. I will be working on that over the next few weeks.

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Although Islam is just another religion, it has some very important things that I can use in my self-inquiry practice. For example, in Islam you are required to pray five times a day. The moral of that is so that you don’t forget about your practices. In a similar way, I have constructed my practice so that I do 40 minutes in the morning, 40 minutes in the afternoon, and 40 minutes in the evening. A total of two hours. With that in place, my practice becomes the most important thing in my day, because it covers the whole day. Also, with this method, I will never ‘forget’ about my practice. 

 

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