!!can Anyone Fix Me?? Am I Doomed Forever?!

[Sam]

I was recently extremely horrified about my hidden victim psychology. I still find it too hard to fix myself, although I have watched all of Leo's videos concerning that topic and I'm aware of how bad that thought process really is. 

....        Let me explain.             ...

I find myself (ironically) pleasing from people's sympathy expressions. I often wish that I can go to that manipulative girl that acts like she's really nice, and expose her to how much harm she has created through gossip and fake personality, and ("concealed wish") watch her feel sorry for all that crap.

 

I wish that I can go to that toxic guy and tell him how shit he is to everyone and in particular (me) and watch him ("concealed wish") feeling guilty about that.

After doing deep self-introspection, I was shocked from my self-deception,  I thought that I'm an assertive person, but unfortunately I truly want others to show me sympathy. That made me feel disgust about myself and I decided to eliminate that sudden very hidden pleasure that comes from wanting others to be guilty of the things they have done to me. 

 

Most importantly, I often have the hidden urge to tell everyone about my childhood trauma and how much suffering I had to go through to get where I am today. I want to show others how much hard work it took me to achieve certain things in my life.

 It's crazy, although I acknowledge it, I still find it pleasuring for others/me to feel sorry about me. Seriously, why am I unable to change that disgusting mentality, even though I am aware that I'm responsible for the most (bad) things in my life. 

 

 

I mean seriously, sometimes I daydream about making a movie about myself and about this pitiless world we live in. Very dramatic daydreaming. 

  Any help to get rid of that latent bullshit is GREATLY APPRECIATED!! 

                                                                                                                         

Edited March 6, 2016 by Sam

[Extreme Z7]

It's going to take a really really long time. Don't worry, you're not permanently fucked, everything is temporary everything comes and goes. Stop overreacting. Also DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT write stuff like "this pitiless world we live in" because you're assuming that everyone else sees the same world you do. This is a fairly common use of language I see many emotionally troubled people do in the internet. The reality is that other people do not see your misery and the all the negativity you see in the world is ultimately created by your own perceptions. Only you can figure what needs to be done to fix whatever problems you have. This is actually going to take years so be very patient.

Calm down, try not to distract yourself, and then get a clear idea of what you want to start doing to fix your problems.

[Sam]

12 minutes ago, Extreme Z7 said:

It's going to take a really really long time. Don't worry, you're not permanently fucked, everything is temporary everything comes and goes. Stop overreacting. Also DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT write stuff like "this pitiless world we live in" because you're assuming that everyone else sees the same world you do. This is a fairly common use of language I see many emotionally troubled people do in the internet. The reality is that other people do not see your misery and the all the negativity you see in the world is ultimately created by your own perceptions. Only you can figure what needs to be done to fix whatever problems you have. This is actually going to take years so be very patient.

Calm down, try not to distract yourself, and then get a clear idea of what you want to start doing to fix your problems.

Many thanks, yes I do in fact watch a lot of documentaries concerning humanity destruction. I watch people dying from poverty, animals being slaughtered with no mercy, heartless terrorist and a corruptive society. In particular, I found myself to be very sensitive to envy and jealously. Probably it's the reason why I want to show others what's behind the scene so they stop thinking that I don't deserve good things.

Anyway, as you said I should stop writing about "pitiless word" bullshit. I think I need to see the world from a different perspective. I hope that it will not take that many years, seriously I don't want to wait that long to clean myself from that mentality. 

 

Again, many thanks for your reply. 

Edited March 6, 2016 by Sam

[Extreme Z7]

@Sam Getting rid of all negative perceptions of reality is just step 1. If you're really honest and want to be dedicated to start creating the reality you want to live in. It's going to take an extreme amount of patience and persistence. Literally what I'm saying is that you will learn nothing from my reply. You yourself will have life-changing realizations over the next years if you really want to put in the effort to solve this adversity you have in your life.

Good Luck, you're going to need a LOT of this if you're just starting out.

[Fishy]

Now you are aware of your problems, that is the first step. No one can fix you but yourself.
Focus on yourself dont care about exposing other people or whatever.

[Sam]

20 minutes ago, Extreme Z7 said:

@Sam Getting rid of all negative perceptions of reality is just step 1. If you're really honest and want to be dedicated to start creating the reality you want to live in. It's going to take an extreme amount of patience and persistence. Literally what I'm saying is that you will learn nothing from my reply. You yourself will have life-changing realizations over the next years if you really want to put in the effort to solve this adversity you have in your life.

Good Luck, you're going to need a LOT of this if you're just starting out.

 

19 minutes ago, Fishy said:

Now you are aware of your problems, that is the first step. No one can fix you but yourself.
Focus on yourself dont care about exposing other people or whatever.

I would love to ask a question, say you just discovered that somebody betrayed you, or anything that stimulate the sorrowful part in us. What is the best reaction in that case. Should I just completely avoid feeling pain and only focus on what  to do? is there any advice you can give me about this matter? Because it's here were I struggle the most.

Again, many thanks to you guys. I promise to put in the effort for change. Your sentences were very inspiring and powerful.

[Fishy]

Just now, Sam said:

 

I would love to ask a question, say you just discovered that somebody betrayed you, or anything that stimulate the sorrowful part in us. What is the best reaction in that case. Should I just completely avoid feeling pain and only focus on what  to do? is there any advice you can give me about this matter? Because it's here were I struggle the most.

Again, many thanks to you guys. I promise to put in the effort for change. Your sentences were very inspiring and powerful.

Well you should never avoid any feeling or pain that is in you, that will only make it worse. Try to feel it too the fullest, and accept it. Keep doing it and you will be able to let go eventually. Start meditation if you don't do it already.

[Fishy]

Also check Leos video on dealing with strong emotions.

[Elton]

@Sam hi i am currently a victim myself, I'm going to take one hundred percent responsibility of my life. You can do that too.

[Extreme Z7]

@Sam  Meh. . . you'll learn to be more comfortable in your own subjective reality. Whatever happens externally, whether it's betrayal or anything else, it's all just content from the outside world. You have to learn to master control of your subjective reality. Study it, Know it, Be it. What is happening to you is not the problem here, it's your resistance towards it.

[Veggies]

Hey @Sam, it's not bad to talk about your childhood traumas in itself, you only have to find the right balance.

[xXxXx]

In my opinion the most important thing to cope with this is: detach yourself from the opinion of others, you live in a world with 7 billion main characters, whose concern is centered on themselves, ultimately they don't care about your well-being, exceptions only validate this general insight.

Recognize who and what influences your concepts of reality and try to detach yourself from this, generate your own way, opinions and actions of others are only the wind blowing. Remember that everybody goes through this, social friction is just an integral part of life, which you can use as a tool for growth by simply accepting it as ubiquitous.

Your past is just a card you got handed from life, play it without complaining, because you won't be dealt another one and in the end it's just your skill which determines the outcome.

[Natura Sonoris]

@Sam I am currently in hospital for couples more days to recover and i will write post how to deal with those issues. So stick around on forum and wait for it.

[Argue]

This sounds narcissistic. I recommend watching Leo's videos about this particular topic. Read books on this matter, too. 

[Dhana Choko]

First when we see these parts of ourselves, it is always shocking. And the deeper we go, the "more shocking" things we might discover, but we just don't react to them so personally anymore, so it gets easier.

I would just say that take it easy and relax. These issues will resolve a lot by just observing them. You have discovered this part of yourself so it cannot rule you as much as it did before. This is amazing progress and you are doing so well! Just keep taking it easy, read, learn, observe and you will be fine.