Sometimes I wish I lived with robots -friendship issues.

[Lynnel]

Yeah back to more relative problems. I've been great friends with two females attending my lectures for quite a long time, and I considered both of those relationships important and special.

But since the beginning of this year they became actually quite closer together, way more than I'd like to, to a extent in which I feel betrayed and secondary to their relationship as I feel they prefer each other over me. So I feel very betrayed as I feel like I have lost two great friends - I do not want relationships where I directly feel secondary and not as important as I view the other person.

I already talked about it to one of them and she told me that every relationship is different and there is nothing to compare but I don't feel this way. You always have to prefer someone over someone else. There is always a implicit choice.

Any advice appreciated. I mean I'm fucking dying here. I feel that relationship are so complicated it's not even funny. Like sometimes I wish We could just live with robots. And I believe I have great social skills (self-deception here ?) Or at least above average experience. Lord. Why is every relationship and relating to other so freaking complicated !?

( PS: @Emerald this might be a petty issue for you but I always love hearing your advice ! )

Edited February 27, 2018 by Lynnel

[Shin]

You're being too egoistical.

Sounds rash I know, but it's true.

28 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

Yeah back to more relative problems. I've been great friends with two females attending my lectures for quite a long time, and I considered both of those relationships important and special.

But since the beginning of this year they became actually quite closer together, way more than I'd like to, to a extent in which I feel betrayed and secondary to their relationship as I feel they prefer each other over me. So I feel very betrayed as I feel like I have lost two great friends - I do not want relationships where I directly feel secondary and not as important as I view the other person.

I already talked about it to one of them and she told me that every relationship is different and there is nothing to compare but I don't feel this way. You always have to prefer someone over someone else. There is always a implicit choice. (no it's not, you can't choose to like someone over someone else).

Any advice appreciated. I mean I'm fucking dying here. I feel that relationship are so complicated it's not even funny. Like sometimes I wish We could just live with robots. And I believe I have great social skills (self-deception here ?) Or at least above average experience. Lord. Why is every relationship and relating to other so freaking complicated !?

( PS: @Emerald this might be a petty issue for you but I always love hearing your advice ! )

It's because you think you're more important than anybody else.
It's pure egotism.
I know it sounds rash, but it's true.

You wouldn't feel this way if you were less attached to your ego, you would be happy for them.
It's precisely because you want them to like you more that they will love you less, it's like you're taking something out of them, because you need their love (friendship or not that's not the issue), instead of being loving because you're secure and complete by yourself.

You feel like you're dying because the "I'm not as important as I thought" part isn't validated.
It never will, even if you got the perfect wife ,the perfect friends, the perfect kids.

The real problem is you, or what you think you are, which is only thoughts.
Don't know where you are on your spiritual journey, but if you didn't start it yet, it's a good time.

Edited February 27, 2018 by Shin

[Spiral]

@Lynnel Well seems to me like a great opportunity to make some new friends. You'll have motivation and everything. 

 

[Lynnel]

@Spiral Nah I hope to solve this differently.

@Shin Can you shine a bit more light on my ego ? that actually felt great ! I laughed because that was so retarded. I got on my high horse again and ego came crawling in the back. It's still dying and still mad though. Amazing.

Thanks for both of you, of course !

Edited February 27, 2018 by Lynnel

[Shin]

Yeah it's funny when you catch yourself

I don't really know what else I could say, just watch yourself bitching and being mad or sad.

It will sort it out by itself as long as you keep remembering to be conscious of everything you think or feel.

 

[Lynnel]

@Shin I mean I'm amazed at how aware I thought I was becoming and actually how little aware I am ! This is so decieving and tricky it's just mindblowing. I'll be sure to add more spiritual work in my self-development diet.

[Shin]

@Lynnel you have no idea.

Everytime you think you're conscious enough, you can be sure there is way more lol

[Mrkvn8]

@Shin @Lynnel A New Earth is great for uncovering the ego. 

[aurum]

20 hours ago, Lynnel said:

But since the beginning of this year they became actually quite closer together, way more than I'd like to, to a extent in which I feel betrayed and secondary to their relationship as I feel they prefer each other over me. So I feel very betrayed as I feel like I have lost two great friends - I do not want relationships where I directly feel secondary and not as important as I view the other person.

You can choose to think that way, but you're going to have a very difficult making and keeping friends. The idea that their friendship can take away from yours in total scarcity and Win / Lose thinking.

In reality, if I introduce two people, I'm praying they become best friends because now they see me as the person who brought them together. You should be self-validated and have enough friends in your life that it makes no difference if you're "the most important person" to them.