Okay... THIS I REALLY Need Help With

[kieranperez]

Okay. So in the past I've shared a lot of limiting beliefs regarding the pursuit of my Life Purpose which is to be a Holistic Running Coach. I wish to coach Elite/Professional Athletes as well as anybody who has a passion for not just running but also life. I know sooooo many world class athletes including Olympic and World Championship Medalists in just Track and Field alone. That's not counting my friends who are among the best in the world in Trail Running, Ultra Marathon, the Marathon, Cross Country, etc. 

What I'm really in conflict with is my relationship with a lot of the community. You see, I have an internal problem where I notice I'm WAY too expressive and impulsive with my thoughts and emotions. This has especially become a problem of course through social media. I've gotten into so many issues with people in my community due to my mouth and the way I put myself out there that I have a really hard time getting along with people. Yesterday I deleted (not deactivated) my Facebook account because I'm tired of the way I shoot myself in the foot on that platform. Hell, I'm on a track club and I'm making enemies with people because I have a hard time controlling what I say and understanding what to say and what not to say + knowing what's likely to piss people off and what's not. Facebook is also a super useful platform for me to market myself given that I'm starting a blog to put up my material but man, I've made myself into such a loud mouth and all that that I just don't want to deal with anymore of that. I don't want conflict anymore. I just want to be cool but my mouth has gotten me into so much trouble over the years that I don't know what to do. I almost don't want to pursue my Life Purpose given that I feel like I've made such a bad name of myself and I don't know how to recover that without being a people-pleaser (which I HIGHLY resent and HATE doing). 

How can I recover from such a bad reputation? Any good resources for someone with bad communication/social skills? How can I really fix this problem within myself but also recover my relationships with people? I'm on the verge of quitting my Track Club too because I don't want to face people and still be an outcast. I'm tired of being an outcast. I want to get along with people. 

[Nahm]

@kieranperez you were unaware. You’re aware now. Meditate every morning. Again in the afternoon. It is true - if you want to change the world, change yourself. The meditation slows thinking down. Your new awareness of this will integrate. Let the past go. It’s gone. Be patient and focus on getting yourself back to feeling good. Might need more sleep, might need to break a habit, it’s hard to say. You might just need to let go and have fun. Might need to text some people “sorry bout that”. ?

[Joseph Maynor]

On 12/12/2017 at 8:07 AM, kieranperez said:

Okay. So in the past I've shared a lot of limiting beliefs regarding the pursuit of my Life Purpose which is to be a Holistic Running Coach. I wish to coach Elite/Professional Athletes as well as anybody who has a passion for not just running but also life. I know sooooo many world class athletes including Olympic and World Championship Medalists in just Track and Field alone. That's not counting my friends who are among the best in the world in Trail Running, Ultra Marathon, the Marathon, Cross Country, etc. 

What I'm really in conflict with is my relationship with a lot of the community. You see, I have an internal problem where I notice I'm WAY too expressive and impulsive with my thoughts and emotions. This has especially become a problem of course through social media. I've gotten into so many issues with people in my community due to my mouth and the way I put myself out there that I have a really hard time getting along with people. Yesterday I deleted (not deactivated) my Facebook account because I'm tired of the way I shoot myself in the foot on that platform. Hell, I'm on a track club and I'm making enemies with people because I have a hard time controlling what I say and understanding what to say and what not to say + knowing what's likely to piss people off and what's not. Facebook is also a super useful platform for me to market myself given that I'm starting a blog to put up my material but man, I've made myself into such a loud mouth and all that that I just don't want to deal with anymore of that. I don't want conflict anymore. I just want to be cool but my mouth has gotten me into so much trouble over the years that I don't know what to do. I almost don't want to pursue my Life Purpose given that I feel like I've made such a bad name of myself and I don't know how to recover that without being a people-pleaser (which I HIGHLY resent and HATE doing). 

How can I recover from such a bad reputation? Any good resources for someone with bad communication/social skills? How can I really fix this problem within myself but also recover my relationships with people? I'm on the verge of quitting my Track Club too because I don't want to face people and still be an outcast. I'm tired of being an outcast. I want to get along with people. 

You could benefit from doing some shadow work I think.  You got a lot of stuff rattling around in your subconscious mind that needs to be worked with.

[smd]

@kieranperez How do you know you're an outcast or have heated arguments?  Are their a lot of back & forth comments going on?

Usually no one likes or responds to a comment is what I get out of a 'bad comment' on Facebook.  It's largely ignored.

Is anyone coming to you outside of FB & telling you these things?  If it's only activity seen on FB, I'm not sure anyone may be thinking of you or your ideas at all when they leave the FB interface.  All people are focusing on themselves & will simply avoid the people they find irritating & ignore them on FB.

I've gone up & asked people about something I might've said on FB or elsewhere & they'll tell me they never read it or didn't even know about it.  When I tell them what I said or did, they don't care.  So whatever I was thinking or feeling at the time was just in my head & nowhere else.

[h inandout]

@kieranperez Yeah, if you're aspiring to be even more in the public eye, and even more a part of a team, your public honesty will invite and undue amount of pressure.  I personally, am also not a fan of apologizing.  It just gives people an excuse to get madder at you.  I think you've done half the process right there, by having identified the problem.  I think I'm kinda stuck in the same boat as you in a way because I've said some things in the past and rather than being acknowledged for what I was trying to get at, I got serious emotional backlash.  Which is understandable!  I am not mad at people being mad at me because I'm mad at them.  What I'm really mad about is not getting my needs met!  Last time I had one of these moments, I recognized the pattern and picked up an Eckhart Tolle book, which helped me step out of my Rube-Goldberg-like survivalistic responses.  If you don't know what a Rube-Goldberg machine is, look it up on google images.  That is how the ego works.  Like a machine.  So I think what needs to happen, is I need to get really present to the bigger picture of things.  We are an incredible species evolution with epic life stories and on a planet that is moving quickly around the sun.  Things are changing all the time!  You are literally becoming unstuck from your past as we speak.  All you have to do to let go of the pattern is to sit down and watch yourself have it.  Be curious about what's on the other side of all those self-defeating and other-hating thoughts!  Maybe if you sit through them long enough, you will have a realization!?  Maybe that's what I need to do, at least...

[Wyatt]

@kieranperez ever hear of this guy? He’s a loud-mouth, mean, stubborn, and annoying fighter who is constantly talking and yelling what’s on his mind. Some people LOVE him. Some people HATE him. Either way, he doesn’t care. He’s doing what comes naturally to him, and fans and foes respect him for that