Why am i in a rush still?

[Steph1988]

So iv'e had success in in the last 10 months i basically worked my ass off to set myself up for success as i define success.

1. i have a good idea of what i want ( maybe not my lifepurpose yet but at least what i among other things want to have in life and what i like )

2. got decent savings and moving out my parents house within a month or 2

3. have enough knowledge (intellectually) of routines,habits,etc

4. Got all the logistics in place soon ( finishing my house,building my home gym and my job close by)

despite all of that thoughts can creep up in between my activities and i mostly don't really know what to do with the time i have noting going on i'm just extremely neurotic and i think until i'm exhausted or i watch self development stuff and documantary's on you tube endlessly, i can't calm my mind and i'm in such a rush to make up for the time i have wasted in my 20's ( almost 30 now ) by playing video games and being depressed for half the time.

I almost can't even see my successes since i began self development a few years ago. there is so much still to do and to work on namely dating/getting very fit/mastery in something all things i want to do and be better at.

the will is there but this should be a fun relaxed journey.

Is this where meditation should step in? and does anyone have experience with this state of mind? 

anyone else here feeling the rush despite successes? 

 

 

[cirkussmile]

Are you practicing anything? Reading, watch YouTube, being here is not a practice.

This is not a practice.

Move your attention inwards. 

How?

Practice meditation.

[Steph1988]

@Wasem Yes true its who i am for a big part, i did it for 15 years or so before i started to replace it with working out for example 

@cirkussmile i play music and i exercise besides working and social life, meditation is something i put off up to this point i'm still willing to give it a go but it is yet another thing to learn among all the other stuff that is also hard, which is the reason why i put it off probably.

[Nahm]

@Steph1988 everything you want, anything you want to do, all that you want to be...you want because you think you’ll feel better than you do right now.  The punchline is, it’ll always still be right now. 

The more you get what you want, the more you feel better. The more you feel better, the more you return to wanting. 

The practices break this cycle. They surrender this want. 

Then you’re free. 

Then you’re happy - though you’ll still want, there is nothing to seek. 

 

[SOUL]

Yea, it seems pretty much that you are seeking fulfillment through accomplishment which in itself isn't a negative thing but it can lead to the cycle of feeding desire, it's an craving that won't be satiated. Once you can orient consciousness to contentment in just being you will have a fulfillment that transcends accomplishment so they will be added to an unwavering peace and can be fully enjoyed.

[Steph1988]

@Nahm @SOUL Thx for the answers 

Is contentment in being in the now something u just decided to do, did it come easy to you or was it a struggle? 

One of the most ironic things is that self development got me going leading an active life but it made me also aware of how behind i was on so many things and that made me more neurotic.

I would like to go back to the more timeless state of mind i had when i was a child u know i could be intensely happy from staring into a fishpond for an hour sitting in the garden.

reminds me of something Alan watts said about running and art, he said that most people run to improve themselves but u should run because u like the sensation of running.

And a lot of people go to art galleries to improve their artistic side but u should just go because u like seeing art and i really like that idea but i tend to get sucked into improving myself again.

Maybe this is a logical progression to the next state that is the most positive thing i can think of.

[Nahm]

@Steph1988 I was not disciplined in my practices until more recent years.         Now, it seems to me, if someone wants to make faster progress, meditate twice a day, etc. I was in & out of the now in small increment, and through the practices I increased the ‘now’ occurrences and consistency - and depth.