How Can I Stop Judging Other People ? What Kind Of Techniques Are Out There ?

[ValiantSalvatore]

Hello,

I watched most of Leo's videos on how to stop judging yourself and how to stop comparing yourself to others. Are there any other techniques besides naming every negative judgment and positive judgment one had about others and self and upgrading your life?

I am doing shadow work for about 3-4 month or 2-3 now and you automatically notice how you judge yourself or others doing the so called 3-2-1 process, which just shows you that, there are very subtle ways in which you judge others and yourself, and also how you create your self-image based on thoughts and emotions you identify with. 

For example, I used to be to and still am to a degree a person who idealizes one person but only in the context of "relationships" like she is the one, I only want her etc. This has drastically changed now and I can see how I am more nonchalant around the girls I idealized and other girls. It feels just freaking awesome since I am free of a concept most of the time and just more authentic. Just makes the interaction with the other person more enjoyable.

I am also doing the unified mindfulness techniques from Shinzen Young hope this is the correct name (for the technique) and I participate in the Life Practice program. Unified mindfulness is basically mindfulness meditation with labeling if I am not mistaking. You just notice your thoughts, emotions, surroundings, feelings. Like you label your thoughts and when a thought pops up you say hear in. Then you label your feelings you have a strong emotion feel in, or you start to notice the darkness while your eyes are closed you label it see in. 

What I want to say here is that these techniques are quite effective in realizing how much you judge things and how to a degree judgment just occurs or is perpetuated by your mind and how you are able to notice it and stop the judgment immediately or rather take a break from it. 

Are there any techniques around there like visualizing or programming the subconscious on how to stop judging other people,?

I feel I would benefit a lot from that. Since people around my age (early 20's) seem to be oblivious to the fact how much judgment and concepts they maintain about themselves and I can see that it is a fallacy and that I am somehow just very different from others. Still, this is a concept and if I go on it just would be a vicious circle and somehow someway I am holding myself back.

Currently, I try to upgrade my confidence with one technique but I can't tell you much since I am just doing it for 4 days or so.

 

[egoeimai]

Stop judging yourself. It's the only way.

[Nahm]

Look for how to love each & every thing. Everything is energy. It's like you exist inside of a battery. Only you limit where energy comes to you & flows through you. Finding love for each little thing is the same as shedding your ego that finds the ways you are better than. 

 

It's just like how the one who holds anger is hurting himself, not the subject of his anger. 

It is the same with energy. To judge is to not be connected to the energy of the subject being judged. 

 

It's the same with thinking -  you can't not think, but you can be aware, and eventually there will not be thinking. 

If you love, there will not be judgment.

Edited July 13, 2017 by Nahm

[Erlend K]

The problem here is that the submind that is judging is an entirely different submind than the one setting the intention not to judge. Even if the intention setting submind makes the decision not to judge, the judging sub mind will not automatically obey. Therefore you can't use willpower to force yourself not to judge, you have to train you mind.

Metta/ Loving Kindness Meditation is proven to both decrease self-judgement and increase empathy and compassion. This combo should make you less judgemental of other people. This is a great 25 min guided metta meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmmPRYagq3s

Some kind of CBT would probably also work.

[Loreena]

I guess judging comes through deep seated insecurities, fears, deprivation, lack of positivity and cynicism. Judging is very bad especially when it's false and unfair. Can you imagine you're being judged at your workplace and you're fired because of some false rumors floating around. When you project on others, you are doing exactly what you don't want others to do to you. 

Most judgments are anyway groundless because they're based on personal projections and perceptions. Half of the time, people don't have a clue about the person's situation whom they're judging. 

And in the process of judging people unfairly, you're pushing them away, and what if those people are exactly opposite of what you thought, then you're the one who is losing the good ones with your cynical judgment. 

But it's important to distinguish between judgment and prudence. If you have all the evidence or knowledge and if your judgment can be backed by factual information then it's not an unfair projection but a wise assessment. So one needs to be careful to draw the line between the two.

[ValiantSalvatore]

@Nahm What would be a technique for cultivating self-love that you do? I am really looking for something specific and pragmatic, words won't help or a different perspective, sure it could but I would like to do something that will yield long-term results besides meditation. I read a decent amount of books and audiobooks about happiness and spirituality. And I am currently listening to Peter Ralston a book called "book of not knowing" which talks in chapter 14 about the process of identification and has very similar to the video of how to stop judgment from Leo.

I just wanted to know what techniques are out there for helping to reduce judgment? Is cultivating self-love a good option? Boosting self-esteem? 

For instance, exercising is out of the option at the moment. Since my knee is still hurt I can do a little bit of running and train my body. Yet, soccer or anything fast paced is not possible. If that would be an option to reduce judgment.

[Erlend K]

Here is a list of documented effects of doing metta meditation, and links to the scientific papers showing these effects: http://www.emmaseppala.com/18-science-based-reasons-try-loving-kindness-meditation-today/

[ValiantSalvatore]

@Erlend K Thanks, I will try meta meditation. I tried tonglen for a while which if I remember correctly was quite similar? Not sure,never mind thanks! I will try that.

[ValiantSalvatore]

@egoeimai Easier said than done. Would love to and I am doing it to a degree where I can "observe" "judge" "compare" however you want to say that, that I am doing it not as often as others and I can tell when I am judging or others are judging. I like what Eckhart Tolle said about that. The real meaning of judgment is when you confuse the judgment with the identity of the other person. This not exactly what he said yet get's the point across. So, I can tell that I am at a point where I can tell it is a concept, yet this is very very subtle. I don't know how much judgment you faced in your life. I had to endure a lot in an ethnocentric community as a half white and black person. That's putting it nicely. (hope the terms I used are correct English is not my mother tongue)

[ValiantSalvatore]

@Loreena Would love to talk about it and responding to your text fully, would take forever and exams are right around the corner and also doing some other stuff which consumes time. Feels like I am reverting back to stage orange, at least I am aware of it. ( And yes that is possible )

[egoeimai]

@ValiantSalvatore well whatever is done is done. Forgive everyone that has hurt you,move on,and don't judge again. That's how you'll be happy. You do it for you !  Isn't that important ? Isn't that enough as a reason to do it ? 

I don't remember exactly, but I think Osho has said that when you judge others ,good or bad, it's always you in between Who's trying to prove if you are better or worse than them. It's different side of the same coin.. That game never ends if you don't stop it yourself. So do it! It's not difficult. You will thank yourself later. Be peaceful and not right! ?

[5driedgrams]

2 hours ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

For example, I used to be to and still am to a degree a person who idealizes one person but only in the context of "relationships" like she is the one, I only want her etc. This has drastically changed now and I can see how I am more nonchalant around the girls I idealized and other girls. It feels just freaking awesome since I am free of a concept most of the time and just more authentic. Just makes the interaction with the other person more enjoyable.

 

I identified with this and I am acknowledging this characteristic in myself. Being aware that I idealize my girlfriend has helped me reach a new level of self awareness that has helped me become more in harmony with reality, rather than being caught up in my idealized concepts. I see the best qualities in my girlfriend and kind of disregard the negatives, which I equate to being in love with the best version of my girlfriend, rather than exactly how she is right now. When my concept of my girlfriend is idealized, I set my self up for disappointment when she does human things (ie gets emotional, gets impatient, is passive aggressive, etc). This has also helped with my neediness, because I am always wanting more when I idealize her. When I take her as she is, I am more nonchalant in our relationship and am more patient with her. I approach our relationship with an "I do not NEED this relationship to be happy" mindset and things just tend to be more peaceful within me. Also, I think it is important to note that when I take her as she is and am more patient with her, I get the same in return... such is the law of the universe.

 

I don't have any real advice or techniques to suggest, but I believe that repetition is the key to firmly seating a concept or principle in your subconscious. There are probably some good positive affirmations videos on youtube on the subject of judging yourself and others. Repeatedly listening to these affirmations might turn these concepts (whatever they may be) into habits in your own life.
 

I really just wanted to say it sounds like you're working hard and I want to send my respect and encouragement

[Nahm]

5 hours ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

@Nahm What would be a technique for cultivating self-love that you do? I am really looking for something specific and pragmatic, words won't help or a different perspective, sure it could but I would like to do something that will yield long-term results besides meditation. I read a decent amount of books and audiobooks about happiness and spirituality. And I am currently listening to Peter Ralston a book called "book of not knowing" which talks in chapter 14 about the process of identification and has very similar to the video of how to stop judgment from Leo.

I just wanted to know what techniques are out there for helping to reduce judgment? Is cultivating self-love a good option? Boosting self-esteem? 

For instance, exercising is out of the option at the moment. Since my knee is still hurt I can do a little bit of running and train my body. Yet, soccer or anything fast paced is not possible. If that would be an option to reduce judgment.

you have a lot going on.  as far as a practice for letting go of judgement..... what you've heard over time led you to be judgemental (religion is notorious for this). so, what you listen to from here on out can lead you to let it go.  google it and listen to as many videos as you can and be patient.   

a practice for loving everything....thats easier and u can start now...    

try to see that while you sleep, all thinking momentum stops.   each day we wake up with a clean slate.  many people resume where their thinking left off the night before.  don't do that.  instead, say out loud to anything you see " you are my favorite"

you r my fav blanket

you r my favorite step

you r my favorite cup

etc

it reprograms your thinking to see in appreciation.    it is ridiculous.   it does work.