instant date struggle

[Olaf]

After getting laid this weekend I decided to do a new challenge that I came up with to get better at game. I decided I wouldn't close any numbers or insta's for the next month. So today was my first day doing this challenge. I realised I had completly different goals as I only had this moment, so therefor I only cared about instant dates. So with my wingmen I was in a 2 set some very cute 19 year old girls from Britain, and after a few mins of talking I asked them what they were going to do. Then I invited them to the karaoke bar. They wanted to go and I simply said "lets go" and started walking and they came with. So was very easy. Then in the karaoke bar I had a bit of a struggle, because I was having fun and they were having fun, I even was escalating with the girl sitting next to me, I was touching her leg and arm and she was touching me back.

But we fucked up a little bit or allot, because they wanted drinks, they didn't say we had to buy drinks, but she said to me like "If you would drink you would be so fun" and also they wanted to drink and I said I didn't wanted to drink. They never explicitly said buy me drinks, but anyways I don't know what to do in this situation as I haven't experienced it before. I don't want to buy them drinks and that I am the nice guy who they make use off, but at the same time they left after they said to my other wingmen, "we are gonna go to another bar for cheaper drinks, come with us" he said no, such a douche  all that work for nothing, hahahaha self sabotage at its best  but I wonder what to do next time as I will be trying to get allot of these instant dates this months with this new challenge. 

Edited yesterday at 02:08 AM by Olaf

[thierry]

It sounds like it was a good experience overall, but I think you came across two opportunistic girls. It happens.

I find spontaneous dates really, really tricky, even though I can think of a few that turned out really well for me. It’s a shot in the dark every time.

 

 

[Olaf]

@thierry yes I am new to instant dates, I have no clue what I am doing 

[Zenterus]

Nicely done, man. Seems like instant dates are getting easier and easier. A lot of game is like that. Once you do a thing once and see it's possible, then each time after that it becomes more and more second nature.

As far as buying drinks goes, I respect your boundary. When the girl said that you'd be more fun if you drank, I'd say something like "You're free to go if you're bored" but in a charming, playful and cocky way rather than a serious butt-hurt manner. It's a fine balance. They almost never leave, which builds massive attraction cause you convey a willingness to lose the set.

As for the last part where the girls asked you to go along to another bar, I would've gone with. Netherlands game is different than American game.  Todd V has an old video about this, but Alex Social talks about this a lot too, but women here definitely do the choosing. You can still pull a girl and lead the whole thing all the way to your bedroom. But I've had equal degrees of success just hanging out with a girl who was basically leading us in circles only to eventually end up in her bed (and in her guts). Girls wanna fuck too, they just dont want it to be predictable  and as long as youre a cool dude and are around her long enough, sex will happen.

 

[Majed]

On 11/11/2026 at 3:39 AM, Olaf said:

After getting laid this weekend I decided to do a new challenge that I came up with to get better at game. I decided I wouldn't close any numbers or insta's for the next month. So today was my first day doing this challenge. I realised I had completly different goals as I only had this moment, so therefor I only cared about instant dates. So with my wingmen I was in a 2 set some very cute 19 year old girls from Britain, and after a few mins of talking I asked them what they were going to do. Then I invited them to the karaoke bar. They wanted to go and I simply said "lets go" and started walking and they came with. So was very easy. Then in the karaoke bar I had a bit of a struggle, because I was having fun and they were having fun, I even was escalating with the girl sitting next to me, I was touching her leg and arm and she was touching me back.

But we fucked up a little bit or allot, because they wanted drinks, they didn't say we had to buy drinks, but she said to me like "If you would drink you would be so fun" and also they wanted to drink and I said I didn't wanted to drink. They never explicitly said buy me drinks, but anyways I don't know what to do in this situation as I haven't experienced it before. I don't want to buy them drinks and that I am the nice guy who they make use off, but at the same time they left after they said to my other wingmen, "we are gonna go to another bar for cheaper drinks, come with us" he said no, such a douche  all that work for nothing, hahahaha self sabotage at its best  but I wonder what to do next time as I will be trying to get allot of these instant dates this months with this new challenge. 

@Olaf What i noticed is that pick up mostly doesn't work. I mean don't get me wrong, it can work. But not in most cases and for most people. That's why pick up artists do thousands of approaches. If pick up worked, then you would need a couple approaches before meeting your girlfriend, and then you're done. 

I think dating relies heavily on cultural context. Like if you're at a bar, it's different than if you're at a café or restaurant. Sort of the difference between night game and gaming during day time. 

So this is one factor, another factor, which i think is hugely important is the culture itself, and the customs around dating in your local area. I recommend you check the customs of how things are done in your area and try to work around it. 

Edited 7 hours ago by Majed

[Olaf]

@Majed don't bring your own failure of pick up onto others. I don't need your negativity in my life. 

[Olaf]

@Zenterus yes I noticed that too, that is why in the beginning it feels hard, because everything is for the first time and you don't know what the hell you are doing. I guess that abundance mindset is great, it is often the desperation that makes people run away, in this case my wingmen had to just go with them to the bar, so I see now how I also need to work on instructing my wingmen better for next time. On the other side I know there will be allot more instant dates so eventually I will get better at it, for now just learning from the little experiences that I have. 

Edited 6 hours ago by Olaf

[Majed]

1 hour ago, Olaf said:

@Majed don't bring your own failure of pick up onto others. I don't need your negativity in my life. 

@Olaf This is uncharitable. I made a nuanced critique of pick up. And then you shamelessly strawman it as negativity. 

Self-reflect man. That's what i recommend. 

I said pick up can work. It works if you're lucky in the short term. Long term, it works if you're insanely dedicated. You can get good at picking up girls. It's a skill.

Plus i think my "failure" in pick up, is mostly due to the underdevelopment my country is. 

That's why i said, you need to look into how dating works locally in your area and the customs there. I was looking it up, and for example in 19th century Italy, if a man wanted to marry a woman, without having the approval of her parents. He would go with her secretly and do their affair together, then the woman would be dishonered because she lost her virginity and then the parents would accept the man who did this to her, to marry her. That's called "la fuitina" in italian. 

Similar things happen often times in my country, even though in italy itself it is extinct. Shows you the backwardness of my country. Even though there are also more progressive ways of handling dating where i live as well. 

Anyways man, wishing you good luck. Have fun picking up girls if you like it. 

[Ulax]

Great stuff bro

[Zenterus]

4 hours ago, Majed said:

If pick up worked, then you would need a couple approaches before meeting your girlfriend, and then you're done. 

If you ever thought this about pick up and game then you live in fantasy-land. In what world would you do a couple of approaches and meet your girlfriend? We live in an abundant world, with an abundant variety of people, with an abundant variety of interests and degrees of compatibility. Pick up is not magic. How many men have you interacted with in the last year? How many of those men would you want to hang out with every day and call your best friends? The number is likely close to zero. 

That being said, pick up works and it works really well. And no, it doesn't take thousands of approaches either. I don't approach that often these days because my standards have sky-rocketed, but even with the few approaches I make, I have a very healthy dating life. At any given time I'm talking to 3-5 STUNNING women and that's only because I'm looking for something serious now, which forces me to narrow down my pursuit in order to maintain the quality of my prospects and the quality of my interactions with them. If I was a slut, like how I used to be, I would easily be sleeping with multiple women a week, no thousand approaches needed either.

The problem is that a lot of men don't realize that pick-up is not this expert manipulation skill-set, but rather it is a guide-post towards transforming yourself into a highly sexually desirable man and, from there, learning how to transmute that desire into emotional investment and, eventually, a relationship. There is a skill element there, but the foundation is rooted in WHO YOU ARE as a person. From there, the rest is easy.

 

[Majed]

16 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

If you ever thought this about pick up and game then you live in fantasy-land. In what world would you do a couple of approaches and meet your girlfriend? We live in an abundant world, with an abundant variety of people, with an abundant variety of interests and degrees of compatibility. Pick up is not magic. How many men have you interacted with in the last year? How many of those men would you want to hang out with every day and call your best friends? The number is likely close to zero. 

That being said, pick up works and it works really well. And no, it doesn't take thousands of approaches either. I don't approach that often these days because my standards have sky-rocketed, but even with the few approaches I make, I have a very healthy dating life. At any given time I'm talking to 3-5 STUNNING women and that's only because I'm looking for something serious now, which forces me to narrow down my pursuit in order to maintain the quality of my prospects and the quality of my interactions with them. If I was a slut, like how I used to be, I would easily be sleeping with multiple women a week, no thousand approaches needed either.

The problem is that a lot of men don't realize that pick-up is not this expert manipulation skill-set, but rather it is a guide-post towards transforming yourself into a highly sexually desirable man and, from there, learning how to transmute that desire into emotional investment and, eventually, a relationship. There is a skill element there, but the foundation is rooted in WHO YOU ARE as a person. From there, the rest is easy.

 

@Zenterus Pick up is valuable. I am not denying that. But still it's a partial perspective and worldview. I'm more interested in the truth of things more so than a technique that works to get laid. A lot more factors have to be taken into account when discussing dating, than just game. Money makes you attractive. Developing muscles makes you impressively attractive. Cultural distinctions as well as differences has to be taken into account as well. And many more things. 

Plus i think the whole idea of getting laid for getting laid's sake is tragic and immature. I would agree more with you about finding a romantic partners for serious relationship building being more meaningful. 

Anyways dating has to be approached holistically, not just from one lens that of pick up, or any other singular lens. 

Edited 2 hours ago by Majed

[Zenterus]

15 minutes ago, Majed said:

But still it's a partial perspective and worldview. I'm more interested in the truth of things more so than a technique that works to get laid. A lot more factors have to be taken into account when discussing dating, than just game. Money makes you attractive. Developing muscles makes you impressively attractive. Cultural distinctions as well as differences has to be taken into account as well. And many more things. 

I think you need to read the comment you're responding to again. Namely:

14 minutes ago, Majed said:

The problem is that a lot of men don't realize that pick-up is not this expert manipulation skill-set, but rather it is a guide-post towards transforming yourself into a highly sexually desirable man and, from there, learning how to transmute that desire into emotional investment and, eventually, a relationship. There is a skill element there, but the foundation is rooted in WHO YOU ARE as a person. From there, the rest is easy.