Why Am I Trying to Impress Women Instead of Connecting With Them?

[AtmanIsBrahman]

Try doing some robotic affirmations.

Pick one or two affirmations. For example, “I understand and connect with women effortlessly.”

Then say it in your head over and over until it starts clicking. It sounds silly, but it works.

[oOo]

Easy.

Fear of rejection.

The fear creates the the need to impress to suppress the fear of losing that hasn't yet even been experienced in presence.

But you can't have that presence, unless you prioritise connection.

But you can't have that connection, unless you prioritise yourself.

In as much as you cannot see into you, you will be lost in your own adoration of her which is merely a projection of your own fear of loss. 

To the degree that you see into you, paradoxically, you freely experience the space to see into another as your eyes are now grounded and outward to take in the light of the outside as you are now only kneeling to the light inside.

Imagine if you were blind, upon which light guides you?

Until then, you keep the world blind from seeing you because right now, that's what feels safe. 

Stay strong good sir @jacknine119.

[jacknine119]

@Leo Gura I’ll do that everyday Leo. Thk!!!

[jacknine119]

@AtmanIsBrahman I tried social affirmations couple weeks ago. But I felt it not just repeating and on that day I was one of the most confident. 

[jacknine119]

@Cubbage If you were me, which one thing would you do everyday to love yourself more? 

[Cubbage]

6 minutes ago, jacknine119 said:

@Cubbage If you were me, which one thing would you do everyday to love yourself more? 

Meditate everyday, take a psychedelic at some point to work through internal issues, consciously recognise positive qualities and notice limiting beliefs, perhaps read books that make you feel good about yourself (I like Teal Swan's perspectives on recognising your own self-worth and opening yourself up to connection) and generally just talking and expressing yourself to your close friends about how you feel. 

But, that's all set dressing, the real graft is socialising with women in the face of fear and actively doing outgoing stuff to expose yourself to wider varieties of girls to talk to. Perhaps enlist your confident mates to come out and observe their behaviour on nights out. Regardless though, the fear is not gonna solve itself unless it's faced head on.

[Inliytened1]

It might be just your social skills in general

This is vital for succeeding in life in general, not just with women. So maybe work on that?

Then you won't be afraid to say stuff.

[Ascent X]

Your value creates connections, you shouldn’t try to force any connection. 

 

be your own high value abundant self, & women automatically create and seek a connection with you.

 

you simply give the opportunity and good vibes of your masculine presence, and have a curiosity and interest if the women actually is worthy and alligned of you.

if the vibe is there, the vibe is there. if it isnt, who cares. she should be impressing you.

being fully raw, open, and authentic off bat because you know who you are and what you bring to the table. 

that’s what turns women on, and even opens them up for connection.

 

trying to impress or trying connect are equally pathetic and incompetent/incorrect strategies & paradigms that repel women, and dry out vaginas.

[jacknine119]

@Ascent X Good point. I’ll be just honest me and I’ll not try anything!!! 

[Ima Freeman]

12 hours ago, Ascent X said:

Your value creates connections, you shouldn’t try to force any connection. 

 

be your own high value abundant self, & women automatically create and seek a connection with you.

 

you simply give the opportunity and good vibes of your masculine presence, and have a curiosity and interest if the women actually is worthy and alligned of you.

if the vibe is there, the vibe is there. if it isnt, who cares. she should be impressing you.

being fully raw, open, and authentic off bat because you know who you are and what you bring to the table. 

that’s what turns women on, and even opens them up for connection.

 

trying to impress or trying connect are equally pathetic and incompetent/incorrect strategies & paradigms that repel women, and dry out vaginas.

Isn't that a little lobsided approach?

I see how cultivating oneself and with that one's presence is what triggers attraction. That's the antitote to neediness.

 

But you gotta know how to communicate interest as well (connection).

First because of being active instead of just a passive flower who attracts bees, but secondly because not everyone looks like an adonis or has his presence game on point.

 

Wouldn't be a balance of activity and passivity the wisest approach.

 

 

[Ascent X]

19 hours ago, jacknine119 said:

@Ascent X Good point. I’ll be just honest me and I’ll not try anything!!! 

 

18 hours ago, Ima Freeman said:

Isn't that a little lobsided approach?

I see how cultivating oneself and with that one's presence is what triggers attraction. That's the antitote to neediness.

 

But you gotta know how to communicate interest as well (connection).

First because of being active instead of just a passive flower who attracts bees, but secondly because not everyone looks like an adonis or has his presence game on point.

 

Wouldn't be a balance of activity and passivity the wisest approach.

 

 

you get  & train your Game

 

but the frame is different 

 

try reading again.

 

you should be offering value, teasing, and vetting her

 

not trying to pathetically fucking impress her or create a connection.

 

be and act cocky, playful, & charismatic is the distinction 

you open, you offer value and set a man to women frame and sexual tension…. you aren’t communicating interest…:

 

you’re communicating balls, carefree attitude, passion, free unapologetic sexuality.

 

you communicate some level of intrigue not flat out  “interest”….

 

it’s “hey, blah blah, i’m just enjoying life, what are you about btw ?” 

=ahh i’m open & attracted 

 

not

 “omg i really like you, can you please like me? i’m so cool, look see? i think we are maybe connected im trying to connect to you.” 

=fucking pathetic, get away from me, go buy me a drink.

 

 

What the hell i said is the only damn way to be attractive….

 

& it’s fully active and intentional here

you actually open her….

“hey btw,”

 

you actively set the tone and frame, of you being an attractive man, 

you set the man to women premise/frame & sexual spark without “trying” or giving away your power.

you tease and flirt for it’s own sake, & because it works.

That creates attraction.

 

if she accepts that frame… 

meaning you HOOK,

now you can evaluate and get her to qualify herself. (here you see if you actually like her)… she invests. she earns your interest.

People don’t appreciate things they don’t have to work for.

…

if she doesn’t accept the frame/hooks in 5 minutes, cool, move the fuck on in a good mood, or keep her as a female friend for future preselection and to meet her female friends later.

(very useful.)

 

only from there… now you can finally build your “narrative”, her romantic story of you, 

of us/we/connection

“whoa we are so alike”

and…. “hey i’m actually starting to like you.. at first i wasn’t sure, but you’re starting to win me over”

=

omg it just happened, i met this cool guy, I wasn’t sure if he liked me, but he does!

vs.

some random just called me beautiful and complimented me all night, & was non-stop bragging about his job, asking so many questions 

oh my god im js a girl. so boring, bro i have a bf. (i don’t)

 

 

now…

after Attraction/Comfort & her investing/earning your intrigue

…

then you lead to a close with an actual reason.

…

a number + future seed (yeah my friends yoga class this sunday, this event, etc.),

“give me your number”

or 

“i can give you my number. text me your name”

 

or

an instadate where you move her around

(i know this dope after hours deli down the street)

& then actually go for a pull to your place or hers. 

 

& mention something about your dope ass crib. 

you subtly seed the pull

“oh yeah my home theater, have a great art collection, got drinks/minibar/weed/hooka at the crib, my sex dungeon lol, just made some great food” blah blah blah 

plausible deniability. it just makes sense. why not

 

 

 

no fucking where is this passive.

it’s active, it’s subtle, and from a place of power, understanding how women think, this is actual seduction.

This is strategy.

 

And what actually matters most is the frame I’m coming from here, 

vs. 

“trying to impress, trying to connect”

meanwhile you are trying to force an outcome from neediness

rather than 

test or evaluate if she’s actually worthy of you.

you’re automatically coming incorrect no matter what you do.

If you’re the prize, she is lucky to even talk to you, she’ll feel that.

It’s all in the mindset. 

mindset and identity is foundation to attractive behavior which is Game, before “doing”.

 

What i’m actually trying to do here is 

…

do the best i can, play my cards right, play to win, execute the strategy, to do right by me, offer value have fun with everyone, push my limits, and see if i actually like her.

 

Only Here

can you see if you actually connect naturally, and by default you are automatically attractive to her. 

no need to impress, or try for connection.

 

 

 

your “trying” to “impress” or “create a connection” frame/strategy is pathetic & contrived. it’s simply incorrect.

 

it kills all mystery and uncertainty, she feels she already has you, this kills tension = kills attraction.

no attraction, & she feels no connection to you.

 

There’s no connection without attraction/value prior.

And attraction is not a choice.

 

That’s the paradox.

 

Actively, & doing wise

you should be social, bold, amusing yourself and calibrated, giving good vibes to everyone,

acting off your instincts of raw attraction without holding back when calibrated, 

being playful and teasing…

because you know your Value.

…

& you should learn what actually triggers attraction and how to establish man to women premise and sexual tension without giving away your power, or qualifying yourself. 

techniques frames formats, building commonality, breaking rapport, flirting teasing push/pull, whatever, running automatically.

 

&

you’re just naturally talking to everyone…

habit of just blabbering fun attractive energy, or whatever damn techniques because you can, 

you get a Hook, boom, now you go in and starting leading…..

 

 

You are doing all you need to do, without 

this mindset/frame/energy of 

“trying” to force an outcome with her,

attaching yourself

to her validation 

or create some contrived connection from thin air. That’s what you call “creepy”.

 

Once again the mindset is, you’re the shit, you like giving good vibes, and are curious if she’s worthy of you.

 

You express your personality unapologetically, you run correct game, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

This is Game.

[Ima Freeman]

@Ascent X Good, very valuable points. Thanks for laying them out.

[jacknine119]

@Ascent X thanks good points! I was always serious. If you were me how would you become more playful?

[Olaf]

You impress to gain attraction, but at some point you got to assume the attraction and also move towards qualifying her, because would you do so much effort and impressing if you came to realise she is a single mother who is addicted to drugs? Probably not. Aswell as after qualifying her moving towards comfort. This is the traditional mystery method, a1, a2, a3, c1. You can read it online and when you are too much in the impressing phase you are in a2 which should last only 2 mins or so. After that moving towards a3 (qualifying) and then comfort. I don't follow the mystery method strictly, but it is good to know some basic structure, to make more sense of your conversations.