Men: How do you feel & react when you see women cry?

[yetineti]

6 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Fair enough one could argue I was too impulsive to make a joke like that here after all; I viewed the thread as essentially random and not particularly serious given how obvious the answers to such a question are, so i did; maybe it was an error.

But your reaction reveals that you’re actually triggered by my persona, likely because contrary to what you claim you aren't intellectualy good or even effective in everyday life, so you cling to a rigid persona to monkey professionalism. A bit like a compulsive eater who calls other people gluttons, or that African man my father knew who was always in a suit with a briefcase lol even though he wasn't making any money.

I have several personal projects that I’ll be posting on this forum; I’d say sometime in January or February at the very latest, along with a video debate featuring Lordfall. It will involve genuine personal and intellectual development work like you love, supposedly.

@Schizophonia

That’s a lot of speculation about someone you barely know, buddy.

You acknowledged the joke might have been misplaced, then attacked my intelligence and competence and brought up your future accomplishments. You also tried to discredit the thread itself.

That may read as insecurity about how you’re perceived, rather than evidence of how I am.

You can question moderation, but warning points are part of this forum’s system. Calling a moderator sadistic or paranoid doesn’t explain why enforcing the rules was wrong.

I criticized the derailment. You turned it into a contest over intelligence, accomplishments, and authority.

 

Edited yesterday at 06:41 PM by yetineti

[LordFall]

21 hours ago, Emull said:

In my opinion, crying is a masculine trait to have as a man regardless of intent.
A strong man doesn't care to be perceived as weak for crying like a crybaby.
Only a man who needs his ego validated by a woman wouldn't cry at all.

The intent can be authentic vulnerability 
or shedding fake tears in order to manipulate the woman.

A truly strong man wouldn't care to be perceived as strong or weak by women. Ego reduced to absolute zero.

Crying to release pent-up emotions seems helpful, sure. But afterward, you still have to solve the problems; the problem-solving skill set is what's fundamentally important.

If you consistently solve your problems, you won't have as much to cry about. A lot of people seem to cry as a subconscious strategy to get others to take pity on them and handle their responsibilities. That's not a reliable long-term life strategy.

Edited yesterday at 06:57 PM by LordFall

[yetineti]

12 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Crying to release pent-up emotions seems helpful, sure. But afterward, you still have to solve the problems; the problem-solving skill set is what's fundamentally important.

If you consistently solve your problems, you won't have as much to cry about. A lot of people seem to cry as a subconscious strategy to get others to take pity on them and handle their responsibilities. That's not a reliable long-term life strategy.

@LordFall

I agree that problem-solving is an important skill, but I think you’re assuming that everything that causes emotional distress is fundamentally a problem to be solved.

What happens when you’ve done everything right? You’ve built the life you wanted, taken responsibility for yourself, developed the skills to handle your circumstances, and then someone you love dies?

What exactly is the problem you’re supposed to solve?

You can deal with the practical consequences, sure, but you can’t problem-solve someone back into existence. You can’t control whether another person loves you, whether they stay, or whether life unfolds the way you expected.

And I think that’s where crying serves a purpose that problem-solving doesn’t necessarily address. Sometimes there’s nothing to fix. There’s just something painful to experience, accept, and eventually learn to live with.

I don’t think the ability to solve problems and the ability to process emotions are competing skills. They’re different capacities, and developing one doesn’t automatically mean you’ve developed the other.

 

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, yetineti said:

@LordFall

I agree that problem-solving is an important skill, but I think you’re assuming that everything that causes emotional distress is fundamentally a problem to be solved.

I think a large portion of day-to-day emotional distress comes from problems that can be solved, but of course there are existential experiences completely beyond our control where the only path forward is to feel, process, and release the emotions.

If a woman you know is crying because a loved one died, then the only thing you can do is be there for her and hold space for her sadness. Most of the time, though, it's gonna be solvable things like financial problems, issues with her peer group, feeling overwhelmed with the pressures of life, etc. That's where you can actually make her life better by helping solve the root problem instead of just staying in emotional support mode.

[yetineti]

 

@LordFall

I think we’re largely in agreement, but there’s an interesting paradox in your example of feeling overwhelmed by life’s pressures.

Problem-solving is a valuable skill, but when someone becomes accustomed to approaching everything as a problem to solve, even the emotional exhaustion caused by constantly solving problems can become another problem to solve. At what point does the solution start reinforcing the problem?

Personally, I cry fairly regularly, sometimes from exhaustion, sometimes just watching a movie. Rarely because there’s some major problem I can’t solve.

I think there’s a distinction between knowing how to solve problems and recognizing when problem-solving is actually appropriate. Even resolving an external problem doesn’t necessarily resolve the emotional experience surrounding it.

And I’m curious whether you’ve encountered women who became more frustrated when you tried solving their problems rather than simply understanding them. If not, I might need an introduction to some of these women, lol.

 

 

Edited yesterday at 08:51 PM by yetineti

[LordFall]

59 minutes ago, yetineti said:

 

@LordFall

I think we’re largely in agreement, but there’s an interesting paradox in your example of feeling overwhelmed by life’s pressures.

Problem-solving is a valuable skill, but when someone becomes accustomed to approaching everything as a problem to solve, even the emotional exhaustion caused by constantly solving problems can become another problem to solve. At what point does the solution start reinforcing the problem?

Personally, I cry fairly regularly, sometimes from exhaustion, sometimes just watching a movie. Rarely because there’s some major problem I can’t solve.

I think there’s a distinction between knowing how to solve problems and recognizing when problem-solving is actually appropriate. Even resolving an external problem doesn’t necessarily resolve the emotional experience surrounding it.

Yeah that's fair, this part is not my forte so I don't think I've solved this. I tend to cope with emotional exhaustion by smoking weed and relaxing on my days off. That and offloading my life's frustration onto forum debates of course. 

I recently came to the conclusion that even my dating photography business was me looking to stick to my analytical problem-solving skillset to make money from solving other men's dating issues. 

59 minutes ago, yetineti said:

And I’m curious whether you’ve encountered women who became more frustrated when you tried solving their problems rather than simply understanding them. If not, I might need an introduction to some of these women, lol.

I run into a slightly different issue since by default I'm dissociated from my emotions to better analyze and figure out solutions so in a group scenario I wouldn't be the one people gravitate towards. With my ex we were much more emotionally attuned so it wouldn't really come up as an issue but the problems we were dealing with at that time were so complicated that I couldn't solve them regardless of what mode I was in. 

Edited yesterday at 09:52 PM by LordFall

[yetineti]

2 minutes ago, LordFall said:

I tend to cope with emotional exhausting by smoking weed and relaxing on my days off. That and offloading my life's frustration unto forum debates of course. 

Maybe we’re more alike than we give each other credit for.

2 minutes ago, LordFall said:

I recently came to the conclusion that even my dating photography business was me looking to stick to my analytical problem solving skillset to make money from solving other men's dating issues.

I notice this as well. And you are a power house it seems. Not many people could brute force their way through the legitimate emotional struggles of relationships or acquisition and come out the other side with some proper logistics and universal direction.

So, I both notice the irony in what you’re saying and your business but also think it may be your strength. Not necessarily a weakness.

2 minutes ago, LordFall said:

I run into a slightly different issue since by default I'm dissociated from my emotions to better analyze and figure out solutions so in a group scenario I wouldn't be the one people gravitate towards. With my ex our emotions became more linked so it wouldn't really come up as an issue but the problems we were dealing with at that time were so complicated that I couldn't solve them regardless of what mode I was in. 

Very interesting. Yes, I find I am never distant from how I feel and I will admit sometimes my own confidence in my feelings will overshadow others feelings.

On one hand, I feel like the constant conversation and attachment on my part are really the essence of a relationship. On the other hand, I do see how your detached nature could actually be effective in allowing a partners feelings to almost channel through you—maybe even more safely than if they were alone.

[yetineti]

@LordFall

When an emotional situation does arise, do you have a hard time or how do you determine whose emotions you should be looking into, if you’re otherwise usually detached?

I could see how in a relationship someone with this attachment style might default to appeasing themselves or their partner if the emotional capacity isn’t there 100% of the time.

But also, I know in my own experience too much emotional capacity is obviously a problem as well.

 

Edited yesterday at 10:11 PM by yetineti

[Natasha Tori Maru]

11 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Because it means you can't leave yourself alone; you can't help but directly blame yourself for things, or voluntarily expose yourself to things that stimulate your sensitivities like sad music, videos of kittens abandoned in garbage cans lol, or anything.

You do realise there are many, many other possible explanations for tears, right?

[Olaf]

@Natasha Tori Maru how much do you feel you cry in a relationship? like on average

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Olaf A romantic relationship?

Based on history, very little.

I tend to cry from sadness or distress mostly when overwhelmingly frustrated (not often, as I am a very capable person with enormous capacity for stress & pressure) or after a breakup. The men I have been with have cried more than myself - and it is not a turnoff for me to witness. I don't experience crying from movies or touching moments. I have cried more in relationship for the happiness of my partner in jubilation than out of distress.

I cry very, very often because of music that touches me. This is my biggest "cry" release. Often it is because I am so moved to joy. The tears are happy for me.

Based on feedback from people I know, I do not have a common pattern of emotional display

 

Edited 20 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Olaf]

@Natasha Tori Maru have you always been like this or did it became different when you became more conscious? 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Olaf I've always been like this. 

If anything, becoming more conscious increased my crying! I feel my emotions much more authentically, in a much wider range and with more depth. They are more transient now though. Intense, then done. Back to baseline. I don't feel the need to act on them or solve them any longer.

'Solving' emotions isn't quite right. They are there to be felt, or inspected as a pointer toward an interpretation of meaning,

Edited 19 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Olaf]

@Natasha Tori Maru maybe now being more conscious the tears are more from letting go rather then feeling powerless or using it to get your way. I think as a child we use crying mainly to get our way.

Edited 19 hours ago by Olaf

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Olaf yes, children mostly cry as a way to signal distress. Regardless of if that "distress" is warranted or not 😁

[Elliott]

I suspect tears of joy are the harmful ones, reliving repressed emotions. Crying is a physical defense reaction to something perceived as wrong.

Quote

Biochemical Reset: Emotional tears help expel stress chemicals, while the body releases endorphins and oxytocin, leaving many people with a sense of relief after a few minutes.

I cry occasionally, usually just a little. I think more than most people, it can be about anything that bothers me.

Edited 10 hours ago by Elliott

[LordFall]

@yetineti Thanks for the kind words man. 

I would say I'm quite aware of other people's emotions, I'm a very aware person in general who's always analyzing my surroundings. I tend to compartmentalize my own emotions though, I realized this after I had a dream where my emotional range was so vivid and I woke up shocked and wondering if this is how some very emotional people experience life. Felt quite good but also like it would be hard to be an effective person on a day to day basis with this much reactivity so I'm glad my subconscious is built the way it is.

I would say I fall into intellectual empathy more than sharing emotions all the time, usually I get way less stressed than other people when stuff goes wrong and I only feel the anxiety after the situation is dealt with. 

It's partly why I have the dating vision I do. I have found not many experiences much more satisfying in life than embodying the grounded masculine surrounded by an abundance of femininity. Spending my time consuming knowledge and upskilling myself so I can solve problems with people is very satisfying and each time I do it specifically in an intimate context it feels even 10x sweeter. 

That's why I think being vulnerable and crying as a man is fine but the real gem is in developing hyper-competence so you can bless others with your divine masculine gifts and they gift you back the joy of unencumbered emotional expression while in your presence. I think a lot of women also get hooked on that part once they meet a man who's genuinely worked on himself and they give you a degree of appreciation and love that other men that are not as advanced in their journey often complain about not receiving. 

Edited 10 hours ago by LordFall

[Schizophonia]

21 hours ago, Sincerity said:

@Schizophonia Nope. Off the mark.

I’m just letting things out. I’m not hurting myself - quite the opposite. I just listen and let out, and then continue to go about my day.

I prefer not to hold things in. It saves energy. It’s worth it to be energy efficient. Repression is a costly activity.

But first you have to have something to repress or express.

Someone who is perhaps my greatest "intellectual mentor" once said he didn't believe in a division between "sensitive" people and "tough" people; rather the species itself is sensitive and the spectrum exists simply because of whether or not one chooses to shield oneself.

I largely agree; I know that if I look at or think about sad things I can let myself get drawn in and end up crying. However I find no value in that so I don't do it and consequently I almost never cry, because there is nothing to trigger it; there is nothing that needs to be released.

21 hours ago, Sincerity said:

It’s manly, by the way. 😛 Hehehe.

Anything that reduces castration anxiety fosters the phallic position. 🤓

[Elliott]

13 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

; rather the species itself is sensitive and the spectrum exists simply because of whether or not one chooses to shield oneself.

 

Shield yourself from stimuli? Why would you do that, why would you hide from sadness? "Shield" is hiding, the inverse is not seeking sadness but facing it.

Edited 8 hours ago by Elliott

[Sincerity]

18 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

because there is nothing to trigger it; there is nothing that needs to be released.

Ohh be careful with that one. 😆

You are not above the shadow.