Social calibration is very underrated when it comes to being attractive

[LordFall]

Most people are uncalibrated in all kinds of ways that turn off the people they'd want to attract. It's a hard thing to nail down as it moves with culture and changes over the years. There are generally two main categories of calibration : verbal game and visual presentation. Verbal game is being good at talking to other humans and creating good emotions in them or being able to confront them effectively if you feel the need to do so. Visual presentation comes in all kinds of different aspects but dressing well, being fit and having some sex appeal are the general categories.

A lot of people seem to talk like they're ugly when that's not their real bottleneck. In high end venues they don't stop ugly people from coming in, they don't tend to allow people that dress like shit though.

Most guys and women can easily look 3-4 points better on a 10 point scale if they fixed their visual presentation and even the way some people speak makes them less attractive than they could be. It's no accident that being funny and charming is known to be a panty dropper. Even for women there is a huge difference between being known as a mean girl or boring vs being enchanting in a way that gets them anything they want. 

[Majed]

@LordFall I would say for men it is more verbal game that makes them get results with women. As for women it is visual presentation that makes them attractive to men. As a man, i couldn't care less how a woman speaks. All that matters is her physical beauty to determine her attractiveness. 

And yeah the proof is that you could have the same looks but if your lifestyle is being at home 8 days a week, you won't get any girls. However without changing your looks if you go out, socialize and approach over time you'll start getting successes.

Edited 20 hours ago by Majed

[LordFall]

Man, you've never met a hot girl and then when she speaks you lose like half your attraction to her? Happens to me all the time lol, I'm definitely more of a sapiosexual than the average man though. I get the ick all the time from chicks that seem hot and then say something really dumb or seem arrogant and not willing to change their minds on stuff when proved wrong. 

We could even link social calibration to mental health. An unstable chick can present well visually and once you know her for a few hours then the facade sometimes breaks apart quite suddenly. A common example are party girls that start doing really unhinged things or are addicted to vaping/drinking in a compulsive way as opposed to just casual enjoyment. 

Verbal game is key for men but looking good gives you an initial hook and you start off way higher in the girls' mind compared to wearing dad jeans and looking like a bozo.  

Edited 20 hours ago by LordFall

[Majed]

@LordFall Bro... Dating isn't about connecting with God and spirituality. Most girls are shallow and dumb af. We here on actualized.org are the top notch intellectuals of the planet. Most girls aren't like that lmao.

[LordFall]

When you meet enough women you realize there is a massive variety of them and just being attracted to beauty won't get you the kinds of high quality relationships that are possible in this world.

I've met enough random girls to start being very turned off by randomness. I like to be very intentional in my life overall but even more-so in my dating life. 

Edited 19 hours ago by LordFall

[Schizophonia]

It's about pleasing others, meeting their needs. 

[Joseph Maynor]

I think being attractive is kind of overrated too.  The idea that you are placating to someone is actually not attractive.  It depends.  

[LordFall]

8 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I think being attractive is kind of overrated too.  The idea that you are placating to someone is actually not attractive.  It depends.  

Working on yourself so that both more people are attracted to you and also more in demand people find you a good dating option is a necessary factor of life. 
 

By spending their life with you they are inherently cutting off their other options. If you become a very attractive man then you flip the script and start being the one rejecting the many women that don’t fit your standard. 

[Joseph Maynor]

2 hours ago, LordFall said:

Working on yourself so that both more people are attracted to you and also more in demand people find you a good dating option is a necessary factor of life. 
 

By spending their life with you they are inherently cutting off their other options. If you become a very attractive man then you flip the script and start being the one rejecting the many women that don’t fit your standard. 

You can't charm everyone bro.  

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

You can't charm everyone bro.  

You have to decide who your target demographic is. I like beautiful women, smart women, creative women, aspiring models, aspiring musicians, art patrons and wealthy clients. My brand strategy and the events I host are built around catering to that demographic. 

Depends who you like having in your life. If one is more of a communist type of person they probably would despise my brand. I don't think communist type of people have much value to offer so I don't really cater to them.

What about you, who do you aspire to attract with your Youtube channel and your social efforts? 

Edited 14 hours ago by LordFall

[Joseph Maynor]

4 minutes ago, LordFall said:

You have to decide who your target demographic is. I like beautiful women, smart women, creative women, aspiring models, aspiring musicians, art patrons and wealthy clients. My brand strategy and the events I host are built around catering to that demographic. 

Depends who you like having in your life. If one is more of a communist type of person they probably would despise my brand. I don't think communist type of people have much value to offer so I don't really cater to them.

What about you, who do you aspire to attract with your Youtube channel and your social efforts? 

I'd like to see you prove it.   

[LordFall]

6 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I'd like to see you prove it.   

I've made previous posts showcasing the type of events we run.

My favorite was a fashion show I hosted last year through my main brand Royals Agency. We had 20 models walk for us, it was a good time.

https://www.instagram.com/stories/highlights/18060769145048516/

 

You didn't answer my question about the goal of your brand. 

Edited 13 hours ago by LordFall

[yetineti]

I like this vague notion of attractiveness and social calibration being separate from a pick up framing.

I’m in the minority of men who are not too interested in getting laid or dating.

However, I can be very focused on social calibration and appearance. I find it helpful universally.

It can be as simple as my 6th grade basketball coach put it: “You look good, you feel good. You feel good, you do good.”

She made us wear suits on game day.

I like that stuff. It is universally helpful in business, relationships, etc.

It can be tricky to find a personalized look or persona that does not feel fake, though. Or one that achieves what you want.

 

[LordFall]

15 minutes ago, yetineti said:

I like this vague notion of attractiveness and social calibration being separate from a pick up framing.

I’m in the minority of men who are not too interested in getting laid or dating.

However, I can be very focused on social calibration and appearance. I find it helpful universally.

It can be as simple as my 6th grade basketball coach put it: “You look good, you feel good. You feel good, you do good.”

She made us wear suits on game day.

I like that stuff. It is universally helpful in business, relationships, etc.

It can be tricky to find a personalized look or persona that does not feel fake, though. Or one that achieves what you want.

 

Exactly. The biggest disservice old-school pickup did was assume a one-size-fits-all model built entirely for Extraverted Sensors (Se) built for loud environments, peacocking, and fast sensory hype.

If that isn't your wiring, forcing that mold feels completely fake and drains your battery instantly. Quieter or intuitive types have plenty of leverage, but it comes from frame control, depth, and dialed-in presence. Not performing like a club promoter. I learned a lot from my pickup journey but cold approach never felt fully right to me.

Quick cold read: you sound like classic IxFP wiring (leaning ISFP). You appreciate tangible aesthetics and presentation (Se), but your core filter is authenticity (Fi). The moment something feels like an artificial persona, your alarm bells ring. Am I right?

Fashion can be great journey both for self-awareness, learning calibration but also meeting a ton of hot people. Fashion people tend to also be very intuitive so there's way less toxicity and fakery than in the nightlife industry. If you've never tried it perhaps that's a good niche for you to explore too! I've had a lot of fun hosting events and taking part in it myself. 

[yetineti]

@LordFall

Authenticity is my filter, good read.

I’m a basic ENFP. However, I score within 10% of each metric/sit close to 50% for each metric (E vs I, S vs N, etc.). Never scored ‘S,’ though. Always INFP, INTP, ENTP, INFJ, etc.

ENFP are typically regarded as the most introverted extroverts and I am enneagram type 5w4 as well.

So, your read was very close. Impressive.

 

Edited 11 hours ago by yetineti

[Raze]

The problem is being socially calibrated can make you worse because it can make you look like you’re trying to hard for validation and fail tests due to calibrating to some reactions 

[Joseph Maynor]

I think being socially calibrated is important.  It is an energy thing.  It is also important to realize who gives off incompatible energy and to not pursue those people even if attractive.  The sweet people often fly below the radar so to speak and are easily missed.  I'd rather relate with kind people than the reverse, even though unkind people can seem more charming or exciting at first.