Does body count matter for you?

[Inliytened1]

6 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

One caveat is you have to talk to people and be really open, you can't be shut down for this to work.  You have to be confident but humble at the same time.  Like you're just going about your day interacting with everyone, not expecting anything.

Precisely, which makes it all the more difficult. As guys we just wanna go straight for the prize, and the fucked up thing is a lot of times this works.  So we keep doing it.  We keep going directly for the prize. But that ends up usually in a mess because your focus was on pussy not on substance.  

So ...i would say you have to look for substance but just let her be somewhat cute to you.  It's very difficult to have both.

[Joseph Maynor]

4 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Precisely, which makes it all the more difficult. As guys we just wanna go straight for the prize, and the fucked up thing is a lot of times this works.  So we keep doing it.  We keep going directly for the prize. But that ends up usually in a mess because your focus was on pussy not on substance.  

So ...i would say you have to look for substance but just let her be somewhat cute to you.  It's very difficult to have both.

Exactly. Dating is very complex.

[Inliytened1]

2 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Exactly. Dating is very complex.

i don't know, I'm just rambling.  Maybe @LordFall has some tips.

Edited 4 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Inliytened1]

This is what you guys are gonna end up as if you keep going like me.  Fucked 500 girls but nothing to show for it. 

Alone.

So think about that.

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

i don't know, I'm just rambling.  Maybe @LordFall has some tips.

Self-awareness and introspection have always helped me in diagnosing my blind spots and the parts of me that were codependent and pushing people away. 

What caused your last few relationships to not work out? Do you think you could've done something different to change it or it was more of a inevitable clash of different traits or differing standards or goals you two had? 

[Inliytened1]

4 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Self-awareness and introspection have always helped me in diagnosing my blind spots and the parts of me that were codependent and pushing people away. 

What caused your last few relationships to not work out? Do you think you could've done something different to change it or it was more of a inevitable clash of different traits or differing standards or goals you two had? 

I told you just not doing their agenda.  That's what it comes down to.

 

Now your new thing - if it works, would be great.

[LordFall]

14 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

I told you just not doing their agenda.  That's what it comes down to.

 

Now your new thing - if it works, would be great.

What does that mean though like incompatible hobbies like she likes camping and you like watching football? I have a feeling it's deeper then that, can you share more about it, you didn't really give clues to the core issues.

If you want to get into polyamory I would recommend reading up on it so you can see how other people have done it before you just jump right in.

The Polyamory subreddit is a good resource. They have a wifi and an extensive frequently asked questions section 

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/wiki/faq

There's also good books on it like Polysecure by Jessica Fern, Opening Up by Tristan Taormino or one that I personally enjoyed The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.

As I said Feeld is a great app to find people into that sort of dating paradigm. You can also find local events like Poly Munches on Fetlife or Meetup. 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, LordFall said:

What does that mean though like incompatible hobbies like she likes camping and you like watching football? Can you share more about that, you didn't go to the core issue.

 

yeah...like they want you to work on the yard at 5 but you want to do it at 2.  They become really fucking controlling.  The longer it goes.

And I fucking hate that.  

So with her - the last one - she was a cleaner.  And that's great.  Clean the place.  But don't fucking tell me when to do the yard.  

I had my own schedule I think thats the problem.  

[LordFall]

Got it so you felt like you guys were fighting for control and you had issues laying down boundaries that were accepted by her without constant nagging? 

I can see that situation being irritating and leading to you either losing your cool at her or just retreating into avoidance and the communication lines starting to break down in the relationship leading to a breakup. 

 

[Inliytened1]

11 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Got it so you felt like you guys were fighting for control and you had issues laying down boundaries that were accepted by her without constant nagging? 

I can see that situation being irritating and leading to you either losing your cool at her or just retreating into avoidance and the communication lines starting to break down in the relationship leading to a breakup. 

 

IYeah I think it does come down to control.  There has to be the one who is dominant.  If that isn't established and agreed apon, there will be issues.  And I never like to give up my dominancee in a relationship.  Which is weird because i usually do it any other time.

Edited 2 hours ago by Inliytened1

[LordFall]

8 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

IYeah I think it does come down to control.  There has to be the one who is dominant.  If that isn't established and agreed apon, there will be issues.  And I never like to give up my dominannce in a relationship.  Which is weird because i usually do it any other time.

Makes sense, I'm also like that. I think it can be troublesome if there is not agreed upon dynamics in the relationship and you and your partner grind teeth instead of working together collaboratively to build an awesome life.

Have you ever looked into BDSM? It's also a dating niche like polyamory but it centers more around control based dynamics.

BDSM stands for  B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism)

Myself I'm much more dominant in relationships and when I'm with more submissive women I find it flows much better and our frames integrate with each others as opposed to it devolving into nagging or arguments. When I hangout with dominant women even platonically there is way less polarity and I find myself having to censor myself just to keep social cohesion and I don't tend to vibe well with those types. 

This is a also a good subreddit to read more on the different dynamics that people use to date in that community and also to ask your own questions.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/

This site is good for finding local events in your city, platonic meetups at pubs or bars or more spicy scenarios. 

https://fetlife.com/

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall

[Inliytened1]

4 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Makes sense, I'm also like that. I think it can be troublesome if there is not agreed upon dynamics in the relationship and you and your partner grind teeth instead of working together collaboratively to build an awesome life.

Have you ever looked into BDSM? It's also a dating niche like polyamory but it centers more around control based dynamics.

BDSM stands for  B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism)

Myself I'm much more dominant in relationships and when I'm with more submissive women I find it flows much better and our frames integrate with each others as opposed to it devolving into nagging or arguments. When I hangout with dominant women even platonically there is way less polarity and I find myself having to censor myself just to keep social cohesion and I don't tend to vibe well with those types. 

This is a also a good subreddit to read more on the different dynamics that people use to date in that community and also to ask your own questions.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/

This site is good for finding local events in your city, platonic meetups at pubs or bars or more spicy scenarios. 

https://fetlife.com/

Ok so here's the question I have with the group dating stuff.  Do you really think the girl will fully care about you? Do you even care? because this changes the whole dynamic of everything if you don't even care about that.  

[Ulax]

3 hours ago, LordFall said:

Haha yes the classic whipped husband that only gets blowjobs on his birthday 

A fate worse than death if you ask me  

Agreed. 

[LordFall]

2 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Ok so here's the question I have with the group dating stuff.  Do you really think the girl will fully care about you? Do you even care? because this changes the whole dynamic of everything if you don't even care about that.  

It's very important for me, I'm an emotional guy I like to love deeply. I don't think you need a traditional relationship setup for that to be the case though. Alternative dynamics require a much deeper level of trust and communication than regular relationships so I think in some cases it can lead to a deeper intimacy and love than regular relationships.

There are some times where they blow up due to that increase pressure but some others that blossom beautifully for many years. You can read that subreddit for examples of couples in those types of relationships now, I've also met people in real life currently in an open or a BDSM type of relationship that had a partner they seem to quite enjoy but also had the option to have more fun outside of that 1 connection. 

[Inliytened1]

4 minutes ago, Ulax said:

Agreed. 

Not if you don't get blowjobs.  You seem to forgot what it was like.  So if you havent gotten blowjobs than a women who will do it on your birthday is well worth it.  The problem becomes when they stop even doing that.  I could put it between her tits but then she cut that off.  Double D'.s So at that point i was like, k...not getting laid, not sticking it between your tits.  Whats the cost benefit analysis here.  I would say I lose. LOL

Edited 1 hour ago by Inliytened1

[Ulax]

Just now, Inliytened1 said:

Not if you don't get blowjobs.  You see he forgot what it was like.  So if you havent gotten blowjobs than a women who will do it on your birthday is well with it.  The problem becomes they stop even doing that.  I could put it between her tits but then she cut that off.  Double D'.s So at that point i was like, k...not getting laid, not sticking it between your tits.  Whats the cost benefit analysis here.  I would say I lose. LOL

I'd rather be celibate

[LordFall]

Just now, Inliytened1 said:

Not if you don't get blowjobs.  You see he forgot what it was like.  So if you havent gotten blowjobs than a women who will do it on your birthday is well with it.  The problem becomes they stop even doing that.  I could put it between her tits but then she cut that off.  Double D'.s So at that point i was like, k...not getting laid, not sticking it between your tits.  Whats the cost benefit analysis here.  I would say I lose. LOL

Yeah a lot of people settle for relationships where they're not even sexually satisfied, I find that such a shame. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important parts of a relationship.

This guy I knew in Toronto I Invited to my speed dating event said he coudn't make it cuz he just got back with his sex. He told me before they even broke up a couple of years ago that their sex life is terrible and they barely fuck yet he ended up going back to her. Happens so often. 

[Inliytened1]

5 minutes ago, Ulax said:

I'd rather be celibate

I'm begininng to agree.

[Inliytened1]

5 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Yeah a lot of people settle for relationships where they're not even sexually satisfied, I find that such a shame. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important parts of a relationship.

This guy I knew in Toronto I Invited to my speed dating event said he coudn't make it cuz he just got back with his sex. He told me before they even broke up a couple of years ago that their sex life is terrible and they barely fuck yet he ended up going back to her. Happens so often. 

Well my last one we had tons of sex but she came down with HPV....as i said, i've had a lot of partners.  So...anyways..i can't be tested for it, but this really fucked everything up because she blamed me for giving her HPV.  Which she is negative now by the way.  But we never recovered.  

[Inliytened1]

Yeah thats what happens guys. You guys wanna fuck around. You are gonna end  up with some type of disease or giving somone else a disease.  It doesn't end well.