approaching was a bit rough today

[Olaf]

I have had this happen before. I don't know why, or I kind of do, but I'm not 100% sure exactly what my problem is. Today I approached some girls, and I can say that I wasn't in a good mood. I don't know why. I just wasn't feeling it, and I was also kind of doing it like it was a task I had to complete because I had committed myself to it. It's like going to the gym, you make yourself go because you want to stay consistent.

That was one thing. Also, once again, I didn't have too much time, so even though I tried not to rush, I still felt in the back of my mind that I shouldn't take too much time in between approaches. So somehow I was still rushing, even though I tried my hardest not to. Every set went wrong, and this is why energy is so important. One day you're super confident because you're feeling good, sets open easily, and people are very receptive. Other days you're just not feeling it, or you're rushing, or whatever the reason may be, and you're not able to do it by any means.

I think these might just be the ups and downs of the process, and slowly it will become more stable. But for now, it was kind of annoying, and I went home earlier than I wanted to. Looking back, I'm not feeling too bad about it. I still went out despite not feeling that good, but I'm trying to understand how I can have fewer of these days where I'm not in flow. Warming up is important, and not being in a rush is important, but I feel like there's something more underneath the surface that I'm doing on these off days that makes it much harder for myself than it really needs to be.

Anyway, I'll keep digging and trying to understand what happens on these days because I know it wasn't the girls, it was me, my energy.

Edited 21 hours ago by Olaf

[LordFall]

Awesome. Persistence through bad mood is a good trait in general. It's also important to have other stuff to work on when you're in truly a bad mood or there's bad weather or other outside circumstances that prevent your in person outreach to women. 

Do you have any projects or endeavours that you're working on at the moment to enrich your life and make yourself a more attractive partner and lover? 

 

[Olaf]

@LordFall yeah I think my life is pretty good, but I have days I am just not feeling it, on good days it goes super good, but on days like this it just doesn't seem to pick up. Also I had a good day yesterday, I always feel I have my tougher days after a good day, it is weird like that, I am still trying to figure it out myself and see the patterns. I would say my consistency is good, but my consistency in mood isn't really good as it goes up and down a bit too much.

[LordFall]

Just now, Olaf said:

@LordFall yeah I think my life is pretty good, but I have days I am just not feeling it, on good days it goes super good, but on days like this it just doesn't seem to pick up. Also I had a good day yesterday, I always feel I have my tougher days after a good day, it is weird like that, I am still trying to figure it out myself and see the patterns. I would say my consistency is good, but my consistency in mood isn't really good as it goes up and down a bit too much.

Have you tried social circle game? I would recommend you organize an event while it's still summer and just spend 2 weeks inviting girls to it. The good thing is it lowers your bar for a successful approach, she just has to be vaguely interested in your event or even future events that you might throw to give you her IG. If the vibe is good you can still lead it to an instant date or more direct and forego the event but this dual purpose of approaches is how I've seen the guys that were really successful socially operate. 

An event can be very basic it can be all you can eat sushi dinner and you just tell girls that we're doing this sushi dinner wanna come? That's probably the cheapest and best. If you're artistic you can also throw an open mic or a photoshoot. 

If you are simply looking for pure dates from cold approach that can work but this way is way better IMO as it builds your social capital and network on top of getting you dates. 

[Olaf]

@LordFall I am not too interested in social circle right now, but if I ever am, I know where to find you hehe

[Miguel1]

Pick up is fucking hard to get good at if you are not a natural at it.

Try focusing on one thing to improve at, at a time, before moving to the next.

For you, focus on becoming good at opening sets. It’s the most awkward phase of the interaction. Once you get good at that, the rest will be easy.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, as that will make you rigid and nervous.

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Olaf said:

@LordFall I am not too interested in social circle right now, but if I ever am, I know where to find you hehe

No worries, it's your life. Can you elaborate on your life circumstances and what you do for work and what kind of women you're approaching and looking to go on dates with and where you're approaching them? Have you found some success overall from doing this previously like getting a girlfriend, hookups or dates from it or is it your first time giving cold approach a real go? 

I'm having trouble getting a clear picture of the situation, the more you flesh it out the more helpful getting feedback from the forum will be. 

The reason I pitch social circle so much is because I've been in pickup community since I was 19 so for 12 years now. I've seen hundreds of guys go through it and in my experience this is what happens to guys:

60% no results at all for various issues, usually due to giving up too early, lack of consistency or lack of improving by using a feedback cycle. 

30% mediocre results like 10 dates over 5 years and maybe get laid with 2-3 different women in that time. Some people in this camp end up getting a girlfriend that seems from the outside like they settled and got tired of the pain of dating or accidentally got a girl pregnant and stuck with it. 

10% Actually get in abundance in dating and date multiple girls from it and/or all the casual sex they were looking to get from this journey and 30-100+ body count as a result. The guys in that boat seem to have be able to get cool girlfriends they like pretty reliably. 

Less than 1%  actually use it to change their whole life outside of dating and actually build successful networks and brand and end up with it as part of their life purpose and it funds their lifestyle

You don't need to necessarily dedicate your whole career to a game adjacent business and build a big social circle game out of it, its a good way to not end up in the 90% that basically lose their time though. I'm not pulling these numbers out of my ass, these are real men I've met and real stories.

One of the coolest game trips I've had in my life we roadtripped from Calgary to Edmonton and stopped at the biggest mall in Canada west Edmonton mall to talk to girls and do game challenges and went to this new club as well. The guy that drove ended up getting this random girl pregnant a year after that and from his social media doesn't look like he's doing much in life. The other guy that came with got a hard drug addiction and ended up in like an 8 year messy relationship, continuously breaking up and getting back together and doing drugs with her. He met her like 1 year after we did that trip after picking up multiple other girls beforehand.

Another guy I knew like 8 years ago before I went to Toronto was an overweight brown guy that was pretty charming in a funny way and we used to go to the college campus at like 23 years old and he was really good at cold approach and he would get into the sets with the hottest blonde girls ever for like 40 mins while I stood there awkwardly. I was really impressed by his game. He had this strange thing that he brought up where he kept talking about his porn addiction and how how was was on nofap but he just needed a bit of time to get over it. He said the same thing about getting in shape. He never actually pulled any of those hot girls and he fucked a lot of escorts. I came back to that city recently and he was working the same job he was working back then at Fedex and was still trying to figure out his nofap situation and had never gotten a girlfriend in that time and he's still overweight. I tried to invite him to shoot content with me or come to the events I was hosting with hot models now that I figured out social circle a bit but he seemed to ashamed to come and I only saw him 1-2 in my time back in that city. 

To contrast, one other guy I know paid my club promoter roommate for game coaching since he was getting laid left and right and that guy didn't have a social life and just ran an HVAC company. That guy pulled one of the girls I was going after(just briefly it was not a dishonourable thing just seizing an opportunity) and actually put a lot of time effort in his game and also developed a social circle out of it. We ended up partnering up on a business for a few months and although that didn't work out he started a popular fashion show and events brand in Toronto that is still operational today that he runs with his model girlfriend. I got inspired by his success and he was part of the reason I threw my own fashion show last year in Calgary. 

https://www.instagram.com/stories/highlights/18060769145048516/

In Toronto all the hot girls were like socialites that got invited to events hosted by clubs, promoters, boat owners, restaurant owners or concerts and events like the Toronto Film Festival. It's hard to break into that scene and if to play you have to pay to play and spend a lot of money which I don't have or date random girls in the suburds. I was lucky to a couple of club promoter roommates and I was educated in the value arbitrage and socialite scenes so I got a textbook multi year education in how it works. It's really the funnest way to live life, it sounds pretty complicated but it just starts with hosting your first event and building your leverage from there. 

The guys that don't seem to have really benefited from their game journey never built systems around it. Just did purist cold approach on the street and never partnered up with other operators to increase their results and build something long lasting. 

This is in 2014 from the first RSD Inner Circle meetup I went to and the first night I went to a club. I'm the guy on the left of the two guys with glasses. Later that year RSD had their scandal and they stopped running the groups themselves but a lot of them survived and in most cities there was groups of 50-300 guys regularly day gaming and night gaming with each other.

That was so fun and the golden age of pickup for me but I'll just say that if you told those guys the results they would've had 12 years later on that day they probably would be quite disappointed and quit. That guy in the pink is the exception and he seems to have built a cool for himself and became one of the 10% that got many results and changed his social and dating life.

I'm not where I wanna be yet but if you told me then the results I would've had since then I would've been pretty mind blown and not believe you. I'm shooting for that 1% life changing results and not quite yet there but everyday closer. 

Edited 18 hours ago by LordFall

[Raze]

4 hours ago, LordFall said:

if you told those guys the results they would've had 12 years later on that day they probably would be quite disappointed and quit.

That’s pretty depressing. I heard a former PUA admit in the industry over 90% of guys drop out in 6 months with mediocre or worse results.

I don’t know why it’s so difficult to succeed with this and the teaching methods are so ineffective.

Its funny Owen and other former PUA guys bemoan the current situation of guys dropping out of society, dating nihilism, and Chad situationshop harems, and say it only happened because they got cancelled. In truth even at the height of the PUA movement maybe 0.01% of guys were actually using it successfully, it was barely making a dent. Though at least it sucked up enough oxygen so the blackpill and redpill bs couldn’t blow up like it did, but it may have actually created them by creating so many drop outs some of whom went negative. 

Edited 15 hours ago by Raze

[LordFall]

25 minutes ago, Raze said:

That’s pretty depressing. I heard a former PUA admit in the industry over 90% of guys drop out in 6 months with mediocre or worse results.

I don’t know why it’s so difficult to succeed with this and the teaching methods are so ineffective.

Its funny Owen and other former PUA guys bemoan the current situation of guys dropping out of society, dating nihilism, and Chad situationshop harems, and say it only happened because they got cancelled. In truth even at the height of the PUA movement maybe 0.01% of guys were actually using it successfully, it was barely making a dent. Though at least it sucked up enough oxygen so the blackpill and redpill bs couldn’t blow up like it did, but it may have actually created them by creating so many drop outs some of whom went negative. 

Haha I go back and forth between thinking that life is perfect and if it was any easier the juice would be ruined to fuck can the difficulty level please be toned down a bit.

Cognitive biases are why it's so hard. The mind wants to be comfortable. Having an extraordinary life is not comfortable. The stuff that is taught also needs to be cutting edge because that's what gives you abundance. You have to quantify results to achieve them so a lot of guys also don't know what they want. If someone just wanted one girl to like them and want to date them, as was sort of my goal when I started then that can be achieved after 1-2 years of self-development. Once you see behind the curtain and learn about pickup, social circle/status and entrepreneurship and you realize that there is only friction stopping you from achieving any wild dream you have; life becomes exhilarating. 

A lot of guys too much ego to succeed. Becoming a student of life and the systems that govern it takes a lot of humility. It means that each time you think you figured it out you have to lot let yourself bask in certainty and leave a big spot open for new strategies and insights. Even on this forum I see so many guys certain of stuff I know for a fact makes no sense or doesn't work. I don't know if it's a non-dual thing like everyone wants to feel like God and if some other dude teaches you a better way it invalidates the juice(I do feel like that sometimes) but it stops a lot of people from overcoming simple problems that's for sure. 

There is the blueprint for amazing stuff out there though. If someone combines the game and cold approach basics from I mean many sources now to the scaling potential that social media game and social circle offers then there is truly no upside cap. It only takes effort and also the 10x rule is very true and painful in my experience. Your goals and dreams are possible but it's gonna take 5x the amount of time energy and effort to achieve them than you first thought and probably more like 10x. 

[LifeEnjoyer]

My problem with pick up is I can't allow myself to be successful with it. 

I've been a beast about it this summer. Went out everyday for the past 2 months. Each night gets crazier and crazier, I just can't let myself sleep with any of these women though. 

I'm so fucking close though it's hella addictive, I can see why Owen still goes out to this day and why @Zenterus took 10 years to drop it or whatever. 

I don't know why anyone drops out unless you're a hard case newbie maybe?

Edited 12 hours ago by LifeEnjoyer

[LordFall]

8 minutes ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

My problem with pick up is I can't allow myself to be successful with it. 

I've been a beast about it this summer. Went out everyday for the past 2 months. Each night gets crazier and crazier, I just can't let myself sleep with any of these women though. 

I'm so fucking close though it's hella addictive, I can see why Owen still goes out to this day and why @Zenterus took 10 years to drop it or whatever. 

I don't know why anyone drops out unless you're a hard case newbie maybe?

What do you mean by not allowing yourself to sleep with them? Like you don't know how to escalate or you have a mental block around it? It is fun but you need to structure systems in your life around it otherwise it's a waste of time and other areas of your life will lag behind. Which is why these guys start businesses where they go around the country and get paid to practice talking to girls and teaching other dudes about it. 

[Miguel1]

3 hours ago, Raze said:

That’s pretty depressing. I heard a former PUA admit in the industry over 90% of guys drop out in 6 months with mediocre or worse results.

I don’t know why it’s so difficult to succeed with this and the teaching methods are so ineffective.

Its funny Owen and other former PUA guys bemoan the current situation of guys dropping out of society, dating nihilism, and Chad situationshop harems, and say it only happened because they got cancelled. In truth even at the height of the PUA movement maybe 0.01% of guys were actually using it successfully, it was barely making a dent. Though at least it sucked up enough oxygen so the blackpill and redpill bs couldn’t blow up like it did, but it may have actually created them by creating so many drop outs some of whom went negative. 

Money

[LifeEnjoyer]

38 minutes ago, LordFall said:

What do you mean by not allowing yourself to sleep with them? Like you don't know how to escalate or you have a mental block around it?

Yeah my mental block is that I can't accept that it's this easy to sleep with gorgeous women, after so many years of struggle, it was all right in front of me the whole time? Damn... I was wrong about what women were attracted to.

BTW, I don't perceive it as a waste of time because it helps my stand up performances a lot too

[Miguel1]

I’ve been in the game since I was like 17 so almost 15 years but it was not until in recent years that I realized how fucking hard this really is, and that I had a lot of naturality in me + my looks + my zen devilry.

No wonder Owen keeps yelling that in order to become good at this, you have to become delusionally narcissist. Is it true? No. But does it help a shit ton? Yes.

Some year ago I met a guy who was in the game for 10 years, and he asked me for advice. His level was basically of a total newbie. I was shocked. Still had approach anxiety.

No wonder I have no competition here in Finland.

Is there a more efficient way than PUA? It seems like it is very very niche, and even then it doesn’t work for majority of people in it.

[Miguel1]

2 minutes ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

Yeah my mental block is that I can't accept that it's this easy to sleep with gorgeous women, after so many years of struggle, it was all right in front of me the whole time? Damn... I was wrong about what women were attracted to.

BTW, I don't perceive it as a waste of time because it helps my stand up performances a lot too

You are probably more of a natural with a twist of trauma. I have talked to you before.

It seems very natural for you to let go and have fun, and don’t care about what anyone thinks of you (these are the most important traits in game) + ADHD.

[LifeEnjoyer]

12 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

You are probably more of a natural with a twist of trauma. I have talked to you before.

It seems very natural for you to let go and have fun, and don’t care about what anyone thinks of you (these are the most important traits in game) + ADHD.

Yeah and I'm an ESFP which is very good for socializing as you said on that call.

Since that call I did some therapy and also went out a fuck ton more so I would love to hop on a call with you to dive deeper but at this moment it seems to me like I just need more going out.

What do you think?

[Olaf]

@LifeEnjoyer so what did you do when you were having more down days like I described yesterday? Or that never happend to you?

[LordFall]

 

8 hours ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

Yeah my mental block is that I can't accept that it's this easy to sleep with gorgeous women, after so many years of struggle, it was all right in front of me the whole time? Damn... I was wrong about what women were attracted to.

So like you have trouble kissing girls and leading them to your place to pull so you just dance with them and then go home alone? Limiting beliefs are real and they definitely sabotage us for reaching our desires. Girls are people to and they wanna have fun sexy adventures as well.

8 hours ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

BTW, I don't perceive it as a waste of time because it helps my stand up performances a lot too

As for stand-up—using night game to build stage presence, quick-witted banter, and crowd calibration is actually a great crossover of verbal game. Unless you're monetizing that comedy or already have your income automated, going out often without building long-term leverage/systems is eventually going to burn out your time and energy. How are you structuring your routine so your night game actively fuels your career/income instead of eating away at it?