Relationship Based on Truth, Honesty & Vulnerability

[aurum]

19 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Lol. These ”holier than thou” projections and backhanded compliments are getting ridiculous.

Wasn't my intention to insult, it just seemed like a fit.

Everyone is working on different things.

[LordFall]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

I do have a hard shell. Hence I am practicing to break it and to be more real.

ENFJ’s shadows is that they are social chameleons. Their natural tendency is to get along with everyone, and hate being criticized.

And pickup just makes it worse as you learn to push buttons of an unconscious individual, rather than to face their real self.

That was more vulnerable than you were before.

How come you hate being criticized? 

[Lyubov]

I'm not entirely following the disagreements in this thread but there are few things I believe I can speak on. 

Truth and honesty is not a standard to live up to or a measurement or set of rules. It is more of a path or a way, an unfolding or a becoming. 

I believe this purity test of somehow removing mystique or striving for the most honest and open communication is not actually truthful and ultimately is a lie because it's largely motivated out of fear and trying to be "safe" in the relationship (a person who is threatened by this ambiguous unknown space can see it as harmful deception if they believe the other person lied to them or didn't communicate things with them). Purity testing honesty is a misconception and not actually what's true. This space is also what drives passion and attraction. 

A relationship based on truth and honesty is not wearing your heart on your sleeve when you go out to meet a girl. The space between attraction especially when you first meet a girl is what drives the intense passion in the first place and is part of the dance. This is the law of the jungle. You observe the world without bias and truly understand it. Courting a mate has a ton of ambiguity and ideals of the most honest and perfect communication is not the solution to your fears and expectations about how you wish it were easier to navigate and more predictable. This is not remedied by imposing some ideal of being completely honest and open. You do not tell your mom she looks terrible and fat when she asks you how she looks in a new dress she bought that doesn't fit her. 

This sort of layer of ambiguity is not a bug of reality, it is an integral part to relating. You need to not judge others for how they navigate this. All honest relating is just being true to yourself and testing your beliefs against your spirit. Rome was not built in a day, the same goes for a great relationship. 

Edited 12 hours ago by Lyubov

[Rafael Thundercat]

Back to the original video on this post. Well, apart of some good stuff we can take from it. I notice that perhaps in interviews as there is more ego present in the interaction, the sharing end up being not so clear. 

Thats why is good to look for other sources and cross polinate ideias.

Check this

 

I noticed this patters in my last relationship. Is hard to admit even to myself that I let fantasy and limerence rob the autenticity I praise as a value in my life. And of course from her side there as a lot too, and I was even falty in not stoping it when I saw it. In words, behavios etc.. We need to be aware of what we feed in the relationship because we will end up needing to deal with the consequences later on. 

Last question she did for me in a instagram message was " Would you prefer something Toxic?" And then a story posted with her picture and a message saying  " I died" and " Why?" 

Then 3 days later I discovered via a friend that she tried to hang herself.