Are You Aligned In Life?

[Miguel1]

17 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

One thing that can put people “off” is precisely this “holding back” thing you're doing internally and the assumptions and expectations associated with this inner conflict you have regarding your self expression. Thats all inner world activity that is going to affect the outer expression, but also its “emitting information” that others can pick up on, beyond the words. 
 

Noticed I said “internally, inner, self” . Your problem is a you thing deep down. 
 

Certainly I lose many people when my internal state is screening hard for depth and authenticity. But that’s the point! The idea is to screen for people who have depth.

Besides, I get plenty of ”results”. That’s not the issue. The issue is that the results are with people I don’t see a future with, due to difference in depth, and feel like I am just wasting my time.

It’s possible that I have no choice than to just learn and accept to be alone, at least for a good while.

- - - - -

Btw guys, don’t underestimate the power of socializing, intimacy and love from others. People kill themselves from the lack of it. People get into the biggest depressions without it, and for example, after a hard break up.

People literally can’t eat after a break up.

In some ways, the Mashlow’s Hierarchy of Needs is wrong. Love and social care from others comes first. Without it, you don’t even eat!

Let us becareful that this group here isn’t just relatively more numb to human contact and intomacy, because we avoid it more than elsewhere.

Edited 17 hours ago by Miguel1

[CARDOZZO]

As I see, you are going to Mc Donalds to find healthy food. Guess what? 😉

You need to do actions that are aligned to your goals. You are suffering because you are creating your own suffering through desaligned actions.

 

[Sugarcoat]

19 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

19 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Certainly I lose many people when my internal state is screening hard for depth and authenticity. But that’s the point! The idea is to screen for people who have depth.

Besides, I get plenty of ”results”. That’s not the issue. The issue is that the results are with people I don’t see a future with, due to difference in depth, and feel like I am just wasting my time.

It’s possible that I have no choice than to just learn and accept to be alone, at least for a good while.

- - - - -

Btw guys, don’t underestimate the power of socializing, intimacy and love from others. People kill themselves from the lack of it. People get into the biggest depressions without it, and for example, after a hard break up.

People literally can’t eat after a break up.

In some ways, the Mashlow’s Hierarchy of Needs is wrong. Love and social care from others comes first. Without it, you don’t even eat!

Let us becareful that this group here isn’t just relatively more numb to human contact and intomacy, because we avoid it more than elsewhere.

You seem to have come to some kind of final conclusion here, I guess that was point of thread so this kinda ties it all together dont you think. 
👍🏻👍🏻

 

Edited 16 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Miguel1]

21 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You seem to have come to some kind of final conclusion here, I guess that was point of thread so this kinda ties it all together dont you think. 
👍🏻👍🏻

 

Yeah, there’s been plenty of insights and realizations here thanks to everyone who contributed.

[Sugarcoat]

Micdrop🎤 #boom
 

🧘🏻‍♀️

Edited 16 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Joshe]

18 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Interesting / good question.

My high school friend. We were friends for like 10-15 years. It worked out because we both got into spirituality together.

It went downhill fast once I started doing Leo’s work seriously 5 years ago. Then I started noticing too many lies, biases, bullshits, self-deceptions. All of which I had kinda noticed but had repressed / ignored.

After Leo’s work, it became too obvious. So I ourgrew him and no longer had much mutual stuff / passions to stay in touch with. We chat once in a while for few sentences on whatsapp.

I don’t know about why most don’t last, but for me they don’t last because

1. Not enough mutual interests and passions

2. Our developmental level are just too different. Even now in my social circle (with complete normies) that I have been building for the past few months, it’s falling apart because I simply just don’t care about social games and what people think of me, nearly as much as them, and this gets me to behave in such a way that hurts them.

I rather lose them, than start micromanaging every social move I make, because it’s quite fragile, the whole game.

If people were more conscious, were able to laugh at themselves, and didn’t take things too seriously, having a social circle wouldn’t necessarily be too bad.

- - - - -

What about you?

I can relate to that. I actually lost a lifelong friend a few years back due to misunderstandings on both our parts, and I chalked it up to him just not being willing to accept the truth of things due to his lack of development.

There's a mismatch between the things my mind wants to engage with and what most others want to engage with, which introduces friction with people. My mind likes to figure stuff out and solve problems and important implications and plans for them - shit like that. So when I go around a group of guys discussing football, I can't sit through that easily and I don't want any part of it. It feels like hell to endure because I can't fake sincere engagement, so I just end up being quiet and coming off as weird, which I could solve by faking engagement, but I'm not willing to do that because it's not authentic and I value authenticity more than I do social harmony and belonging, so I just accept the cost of being the weirdo/different one in those situations. Since you're Fe-dominant, you'd be much more bothered by this than I would be, so I understand the dilemma. 

I used to hold a view that people are just shallow, foolish, lacking knowledge, wasting time on bullshit, etc. And these things are true as a partial perspective. But this partial perspective is heavy to carry. I found a better one that's actually more aligned with what is true, which is: they're shallow and foolish and all that because they're optimizing for something different than I'm optimizing for. If they actually optimized for the same things as me, they would be no more a fool or shallow than me. And I realized that it's immature (for lack of a better term), to insist that people optimize for what I'm optimizing for. If people want to optimize for social harmony, light-hearted connection, or whatever, and if they don't want to optimize for accurate reality tracking and understanding or whatever other thing I value, that's totally fine and I've been an absolute prick for thinking they should optimize for what I optimize for. This new perspective took time to form, but once it did it made it so that I don't get pissy or expect people to meet me where I prefer to be met, and if I want to connect with them, the most reliable way is to go to where they are and engage them there.

And the issue about women being shallow: they're quite adaptable and malleable if you get one who isn't a total trainwreck or a vain dimwit. If they like you, they will naturally model your mind and will come to understand how you see things over time, and that itself grows them and aligns them to you. I'm not sure I would like a woman who engages with intellectual things as much as I do. Seems like it would be weird. I could possibly get into it, but not sure. 

Edited 9 hours ago by Joshe

[Miguel1]

@Joshe You are correct.

Of course it would be selfish of me to expect them to be different, and to like me.

That’s why I don’t expect. But also why I struggle with loneliness. They are not mutally exclusive.

It’s almost like being the only human in this planet. Now this is an extreme example, but how would that make you feel?

As for girls following your lead, and taking your frame, you are correct. Girls do do that.

But

1. There is a limit to it. They wont turn seriel killers even if they are deeply attracted to you

2. For them to fall into your frame, you have to seduce them in it. And the seduction itself is inauthentic to me. I have done it so much already, I know it is not who I really am deep down. Just the fact that I have the intention to seduce them, is already misaligned.

3. Even if they do fall into your frame, it is because they are seduced in it, not because they naturally desire it. Once they fall out of the frame, they will stop caring about it, which makes it fragile. It’s not true caring about what I want them to care about.

I have had many long-term gfs. I know very well.

- - - - -

Finally, it’s not necessarily that I need them to be super intellectual. I do need them to be emotionally healthy, have secure attachment, have healed their traumas, are psychologically relatively mature, are emotionally intelligent etc.

But I would also love to have ’intellectual intimacy’ with them. I would love to explore beautiful ideas and topics, like consciousness, truth, love, empathy.

They don’t need to be hardcore philosophers, but openminded and intelligent enough to explore true spirituality.

If they are not able to do this, I find our relationship lacking a big part of intimacy. I am not too interested in talking normal people discussions, and would have to do that most of the time, if I couldn’t discuss higher topics with them.

Hope this opened up my situation better.

Edited 4 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

12 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

As I see, you are going to Mc Donalds to find healthy food. Guess what? 😉

You need to do actions that are aligned to your goals. You are suffering because you are creating your own suffering through desaligned actions.

Yes, this is ultimately the problem.

But to take it further, it’s more like:

Better McDonalds than starving to death. Where in the world can I find healthy food to eat?

[Miguel1]

I find it so hard to let go of socializing with normies. Or socializing altogether.

Yet I find it exhausting to be so fake with people.

What makes it all worse is that it’s peak summer here. And summer lasts 3 months.

In an ideal world, we would have people like us in this community almost everywhere. The world would be way more beautiful, and socializing would be way more genuine.

[Miguel1]

What I have forgotten to mention in my situation is the following pain:

Taking a real liking to a girl, her taking a real liking to me. Then having to break both of our hearts, due to incompatibility. But not only that, as an empathetic person, I not only get my own heart broken, but I feel the pain of her heartbreak.

Do this a few times in a row, and knowing very well that no matter how many times I do this in a row, it won’t work out because I’m in the wrong environment — exhaustion is the end result.

It is also exhausting to seduce her into liking me. But if I was fully authentic and genuine from the get go, we would not build anything to begin with.

All this games is just exhausting.

 

[aurum]

48 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Even if they do fall into your frame, it is because they are seduced in it, not because they naturally desire it. Once they fall out of the frame, they will stop caring about it, which makes it fragile. It’s not true caring about what I want them to care about.

I'm not following how you see frame.

Why do you see women being in your frame as not natural?

Edited 3 hours ago by aurum

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

What makes it all worse is that it’s peak summer here. And summer lasts 3 months.

The positive side to this is that it is also peak time to dancing in public and to spread love. During winter it is very hard to do so.

Focusing my time doing this would be way more aligned.

Edited 2 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

3 minutes ago, aurum said:

I'm not following how you see frame.

Why do you see women being in your frame as not natural?

I would love it to be natural. But which normie is going to fall into my metaphysical frame naturally, unless I hard manuever and seduce her into it?

And even then it’s most likely not going to happen.

[Someone here]

You can’t socialize without bullshitting . Pick your lane .that’s the bottom line .

[aurum]

8 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I would love it to be natural. But which normie is going to fall into my metaphysical frame naturally, unless I hard manuever and seduce her into it?

And even then it’s most likely not going to happen.

I see.

Yes, that's a challenge if you're looking for frame alignment on an overt, intellectual level.

[Miguel1]

29 minutes ago, aurum said:

I see.

Yes, that's a challenge if you're looking for frame alignment on an overt, intellectual level.

Do I sense that you want me to ask you further questions? Or am I reading you wrong?

Yes, getting a girl to fall into my ”normie” frame is easy. What’s much harder is to get her to following me in spirituality, and anyway, that would be getting close to cult practices.

The way cults works is kinda the same way: the leader and the environment is so strong in their ideals, that people (weak frame, normies, most people) get hypnotized into it, don’t question, and just follow blindly — because the frame of the leader is so strong and certain.

Basically most of society to be honest. Just on more socially acceptable frames. And hence, this is what most of socialization also is.

Edited 2 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

17 minutes ago, Someone here said:

You can’t socialize without bullshitting . Pick your lane .that’s the bottom line .

Thank you for your contribution. We have only discussed this for 9 pages 

[Someone here]

13 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Thank you for your contribution. We have only discussed this for 9 pages 

 Oh lemme check .

Women are naturally not intellectually oriented to begin with . And a nerdy logical woman is a huge turn off anyways . Men are mostly logical and curious. That’s just how god designed this game . Why no women as presidents or military generals (I’m aware of the few exceptions)? Because that’s not a woman’s role ..it’s men’s role . A really appealing chick is mostly superficial. That’s the trade off.  I’m not saying that’s bad or anything but you should already know this .

Edited 2 hours ago by Someone here
That was rude lol

[Miguel1]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

 Oh lemme check .

Women are naturally not intellectually oriented to begin with . And a nerdy logical woman like Natasha is a huge turn off anyways (!!?) . Men are mostly logical and curious. That’s just how god designed this game . Why no women as presidents or military generals (I’m aware of the few exceptions)? Because that’s not a woman’s role ..it’s men’s role . A really appealing chick is mostly superficial. That’s the trade off.  I’m not saying that’s bad or anything but you should already know this .

This is too black and white. There are plenty of intelligent women out there. And again, I don’t expect a hardcore philosopher and an intellect. I am not necessarily one myself.

Also, my own brain is wired differently. I am wired for depth. Having a ”shallow” minded relationship is not very fulfilling for me.

Plenty of spiritual female public figures out there, so it would make sense that offline there is even more. But it’s still a minority, and hard to find them, especially if you look for them in clubs lol.

[Miguel1]

Leo’s ”the enemy of great is good” IG post:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaPW1-POJxH/?igsh=ZGd5czgyZjlpbzlp

This is what I ultimately need to accept in my situation. Socializing with normies and getting results with them is good, but it holds me back badly from what is actually Great.