How I realized I'm Infinite

[EmiHyen]

I took some edibles since I wanted to use them to brainstorm ideas for a script I was working on and let my mind run loose.

Then, at some point, I needed to pee 💦

I got up, and while walking to the bathroom, I caught my whole body in the mirror. Something about it triggered an intuitive contemplation exercise.

I began picturing the billions upon billions of cells inside my body. There were too many to classify or even fully comprehend, just an endless mass of living matter.  The cells were all merging, uniting, dissolving into one another. The scale of it overwhelmed me, and I became obsessed with the thought that all of it together formed my body.

Where did I exist in all of that? Within each tiny cell, or only as the final result of their union?

Then I thought, well, there are molecules inside my cells. So I started imagining trillions upon trillions of molecules inside the billions upon billions of cells inside my body. I was using all the power of my imagination.  The numbers became so ridiculously high that everything started feeling absurd!

Then another thought. Inside those "molecules" were "atoms".

The number of atoms inside the molecules inside the cells was so stupidly immense, so completely absurd, but my imagination kept pushing further. The amount of tiny living things was overwhelming, and I started to feel intensely dizzy.

There had to be something inside atoms too, I thought. And inside those, more things. And more after that.

At some point there was no more room for labels anymore. Fuck science. Not “cells,” not “molecules,” not “atoms.”

Just layers inside layers inside layers. Beings inside beings inside beings.

Consciousness inside consciousness inside consciousness. Infinite Being. Infinite consciousness 💦

It hit me like consecutive slaps meant to wake someone up.

Everything is united = Everything is One = Everything is INFINITE

That explained reality so well! And that warm, orgasmic tingling feeling of insight rushed through my body.

And then I turned my eyes toward my entire present experience, and my mind did the same thing with everything inside my awareness. And HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Here it is! I’m not inside or outside of something. THIS is me. THIS is where I have always been. Nowhere!! Absolute. I felt like my room had dissolved into an endless void of imagination. And I was everywhere. Infinite, everywhere at once. And I felt so conscious :DD

I didn’t know an insight could feel that powerful. It was so experiential, so intimate. Absolute Intimacy. Spiritual Orgasm. Infinite Love. I felt deeply shaken by it.

And the best part?

I didn’t even have to pee anymore 💦👖

[Hojo]

This is beautiful.

You are unified with something that isnt even there.

 

Edited Monday at 04:46 AM by Hojo

[JoshB]

5 hours ago, Hojo said:

This is beautiful.

You are unified with something that isnt even there.

 

When you realize you aren't there YOU realize YOU are here 

[Leo Gura]

Great work!

[Moutushi]

This was such a great read, thanks for sharing! I felt that "I" was living vicariously through it 

[Dodo]

20 hours ago, EmiHyen said:

 

And the best part?

I didn’t even have to pee anymore 💦👖

Wait... are you saying.. you peed your pants? 😆 

So tell me, do you feel this now or was it just one time deal during a high? Is this something maintainable, or is it just like "well now I know" type of thing?

Because you say in past tense how you felt so conscious, what about now in your regular state of mind? 

 

Edited yesterday at 12:59 AM by Dodo

[EmiHyen]

On 25/5/2026 at 6:57 PM, Dodo said:

Wait... are you saying.. you peed your pants? 😆 

So tell me, do you feel this now or was it just one time deal during a high? Is this something maintainable, or is it just like "well now I know" type of thing?

Because you say in past tense how you felt so conscious, what about now in your regular state of mind? 

 

Just a bit of context that might help answer your great question ✨

For months, I had been contemplating how everything exists inside something else. Everything seemed nested inside larger systems, endlessly.

But in my normal state of consciousness, the insight stayed conceptual. My mind could think about infinity, but it couldn’t truly feel the implications of it. Everyday thoughts would quickly take over again. “I’m hungry.” “I need to work.” “There’s this problem I have to solve.”

But with the substance, my mind felt “fresh” because it wasn’t operating from its usual state. Kind of like when someone gets a bit drunk and their shyness or social insecurities temporarily fade away, allowing them to express themselves more freely 🥴

With weed, alongside that conceptual insight about infinity, the question suddenly became immediate: Wait… if this is infinite, where the hell am I? Like really? Am I one cell? All of them together? And what about what’s inside those cells? And inside that? Does it keep going forever? Do the labels even matter anymore? What is this?

I looked around the room and everything felt strangely unfamiliar. SCARY unfamiliar. My mind and my body too! haha🌀The experience became more about directly feeling this overwhelming sense of unknownness. And it made sense. If I’m infinite but experiencing "Me" through a finite mind, then of course it would feel unknown. And it also made sense that, if everything is connected, then all is One. The One is this. And this is all it is.

I can’t feel it now in the exact same way I did in that altered state of mind, but I can still revisit parts of it through imagination and contemplation. Since then, that experience has almost become a kind of base layer for how I observe reality now. I keep testing what I saw against everyday life itself, just by observing, connecting things, and noticing patterns. All keeps making sense. 

Of course, emotions come and go, and survival mode eventually kicks back in 🤜. At first, the experience scared me, but over time the integration has actually been really positive 

Edited 1 hour ago by EmiHyen