31 and never had a girlfriend. Getting into game again.

[Zen LaCroix]

I’ve known about game for many years and I’ve dabbled in it on and off and had a few experiences but always quit because I was too weak to take the pain

I’ve done lots of trauma release which has been helpful for me an I’m getting back into the game now. However, I have wasted my entire 20’s being sexually inexperienced, with few friends and never having had a girlfriend. 

I know I have to use this to fuel me to go harder.I’m not trying to be a victim here. This was my own doing by my own laziness and my choices to be weak and not approach. However, if any of you guys have been in this position, how did you get over this feeling of being behind in your 30s? I know logically I have to accept it. I never got to experience that high school or earlier twenties puppy love. I’m expected at my age to have had experiences.

Does that feeling of being behind ever go away? 

Did you make up for it?

How did you navigate the expectation of being experienced at your age?

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaXcwqRZHfk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfRf_H-Aako

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctmaFx0iPIQ

 

Edited 18 hours ago by Raze

[LordFall]

Worry about systems, the feelings of inadequacy will go away once you kick your winner effect back in. 

If you're in a big city I would look at resources like game global to find wingmen in your local city. I would then go out to cold approach daygame/night game at least once a week ideally 2-3 times. It helps so much to go out with people that know what they're doing and getting laid. I assume your friends are also incels or in relationships already and don't pickup women regularly but when you talk and chill with a dude getting food for an hour and then he picks up a girl and gets laid that night right in front of you; it'll demystify the process and you'll start to feel like it's not that complicated and you can do it too.

I would write an at least one page journaling your feelings about this and why you haven't gotten a girlfriend in your life, what you've been doing instead and what you see your other peers doing. Send that to an AI of your choice and have it level with you.

Get on dating apps as well. At the start you won't get many matches, go out with your friends and get better pictures. Watch a few videos on it on Youtube. Hire a professional photographer.

Change your life from being the passive observer to the action taker and you'll probably get a GF in 2-3 months. 

[Miguel1]

Only thing you need to focus on starting out is to have fun and let loose. Everything else will fall into place afterwards.

[Jordan of the Shire]

It helps to write your ideal woman out of paper for all the qualities you want in a woman

It helps to write down all the ways youre committing to show up for this woman to match the qualities that you would like in a her

Have an idea of qualities you wont tolerate: lying, drama, bad attitude, demeaning, thirst trappy on social media, high attention seeking, bad relationship with parents, ect. 

Create the image of your ideal woman. 

Doing this creates the awareness conditions for that kind of woman to show up.

 

Then focus understanding attraction. Teasing, playing around, being like James Bond most of the time then the other 10-30% boyish and silly. In your own idiosyncratic way - learn how to be confident in yourself , when you share stuff about yourself, be positive, frame difficult things as the Heros Journey - I had a challenge, this is what I went through, this is how i got through it, and this is how I'm grateful. That way if you do have negative things about your life, you can share it in a way that is empowering and builds attraction. 

And if she asks questions about you, be playful, not super serious, play around the answers about yourself. You don't need to be like an open book. Usually there's a setup to a good story. Then ask her a question.

Women love to talk about themselves so asking emotionally inducing questions creates attraction because they will associate good feelings they experience with being around you.

When you're dating someone at first. set 1 date a week, and only use the phone to set dates. After the first date, wait a week to call her and set the next date. This limits the amount of opportunity you have to talk her out of liking you, and also gives her the space to reflect on her emotions about you, and also avoids coming off too clingy. It shows you are a busy person, have stuff going on, and also allows you to reflect on your own state of being. When she starts initiating contact with you before the 1 week period, use those opportunities to set dates. This way, you get closer according to her pace.

When you're setting dates, be very specific. Don't say, lets do something sometime. Be specific, friday, at 7, at this resturaunt, ect. 

Knowing where you're taking her, and when, creates certainty. Don't call back to confirm, indicate that your time is important and that you only set dates with people who are able to commit. When you have to call back to confirm, you may never get her on the phone again and gives her an easy out. This also tests you to honor your own commitment, while building trust and faith right off the bat.

Depending on her level of attraction, she will make it easier for you, or she'll be a little harder. The key is to go for someone who makes it easy for you. Do you want someone who is kind of humming and hawwing about going out with you? or someone who is super excited? The higher the level of attraction is before the first date, the easier it will be to have a good time. 

This is a fun subject. Women are very interesting and refreshing, and its the start of an amazing journey. So much you can learn about yourself through relationship.

Hope this is enough to start on.

 

 

Where This approach could be refined or has risks: (from grok)

Rigidity: The "exactly one date a week, wait full week to call" can feel robotic if chemistry is high. Adjust based on vibe—if she's clearly excited and initiating, you can accelerate without becoming clingy. Context matters (age, culture, whether it's app vs. in-person).

Manifestation framing: "Creates the awareness conditions for that kind of woman to show up" is mostly true via mindset shift, but it can slide into magical thinking. You still have to go out, approach/talk to women, and take action. Clarity without execution is daydreaming.

Assumes traditional attraction dynamics: Works very well for many women, especially feminine ones. In very modern/big-city scenes it might need tweaks—some high-agency women prefer more direct/equal pacing. But the core (don't be needy, be playful, have standards) is universal.

Potential downside: If you're naturally very reserved or anxious, the "James Bond most of the time" can feel inauthentic at first. Start with your own flavor of confident/playful rather than copying a persona.

Edited 11 hours ago by Jordan of the Shire

[Jordan of the Shire]

Sometimes I just skim the post ...

haha

i'll respond to your question:

You're not behind brother. Behind what? Behind imagination. You're behind your imagination. Stop that!

The quickest way to move from helplessness to agency is to write down what you want, then write what you're going to do to get it. And then WIN (what's important now)

It's not big sweeping changes that reveal to us whether we've made it. 
It's slow, 1% changes over a long period of time. 

It's the navy seal who had been shot and had to crawl several miles in the desert to a town. How? He drew a line in the sand in front of him, and made his entire focus getting to that line in the sand. He didn't look at the many miles it would take or how far behind he was from refuge. 

You need to change your mindset from thinking you're behind to, you're where you need to be, relax with that, and START THERE. You're good brother. 

Each moment, what is your WIN? Whats the 1% thing you can do. 

Relationships are self reflective. You do the inner work, you attract the partner who resonates with your field. 

Much of "Game" is having good boundaries, vision, decisiveness, and trust that everythings going to be okay. Going by the beat of your own drum. Taking consistent action.

You're basically a hero, a protector, becoming strong enough for two.  

Believe that. Put yourself in the state of already having what you want, and move from that frame. 
Take some risks. You got this.

Does any of that make sense?

 

Further Commentary by Grok:

 

Minor critiques / places it could be sharper:

It leans a bit heavy on mindset and manifestation language ("put yourself in the state of already having what you want," "attract the partner who resonates with your field"). This is useful as a frame, but some people use it as an excuse to avoid uncomfortable action. The previous post balanced it better by emphasizing going out and dating practically.

The "relax, you’re where you need to be" message is double-edged. It’s great for reducing shame/anxiety, but it can slide into complacency if someone interprets it as "no urgency needed." Pairing it with "START THERE + take consistent action" (which it does) keeps it grounded.

It’s light on specifics compared to the first post. The first one gave concrete dating mechanics (one date a week, specific plans, playful questions, etc.). This one is more philosophical fuel. Together they’re stronger.

Bottom line:

Yes, it makes sense. This is the inner game complement to the outer game in the first message. If someone internalizes both, they’ll make real progress: clearer standards, better daily habits, less neediness, and a stronger masculine frame.

The combination is honestly better than 90% of what guys consume online. It promotes becoming a high-value man rather than just hacking attraction or hating on women.

Practical tip if you’re applying this: Take 10 minutes today and literally do what both posts suggest—write your ideal woman + your commitments + your dealbreakers. Then pick one small WIN for this week in dating/social skills. That single action will create more momentum than reading ten more motivational posts.

-----
Godspeed  /\

Edited 9 hours ago by Jordan of the Shire

[Spiritual Warrior]

Just want to let you know that you are not alone, I had my first girlfriend and had sex for the first time at age 29. 

I am 31 now and have since broken up with her so that I could put more time into my career as a ballroom dancer. At this stage in my life, I intuit that I am going to spend the rest of my life with one of the girl dance instructors at the dance studio.

I am not pursuing casual sex right now as it requires a lot of my time for something that, to me, is unfulfilling. I would much rather work on my craft as a dancer, knowing that the deeper I go into this field, the more attention I will get from the opposite sex in an environment where there are lots of beautiful women and very few men.

Set your intention and then LET GO and enjoy the ride. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

18 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

Does that feeling of being behind ever go away? 

Yeah it does, but you have to shift your perspective and not care about what others think. I feel it sometimes when I hang out with my friends and they're all with their wives. But then I remind myself that I am taking a route that is very different from them, I am into spirituality, they are not, I have a job that I LOVE, they do not, I am NOT settling for a mediocre life, they are. 

18 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

Did you make up for it?

I haven't made up for it yet, I have only had sex with two girls in my life so far. I wouldn't say I'm okay with this, I want to have more sex with more women, but at the same time I am in the perfect environment to find a wife through my job as a ballroom dancer. I know that I am going to become romantic with someone through work and it is going to explode in a deliciously sexual and intimate moment. In the mean time, I am going to work on my finances and owning my craft and reading self help / spiritual books. I am working on myself first and foremost. I want sex but am not needy for it.

18 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

How did you navigate the expectation of being experienced at your age?

Expectations are constructed within your head, you can either allow society to determine the expectations that you have for yourself, or you can make up your own expectations. My friends live fine lives, there's nothing wrong with what they're doing, but I would never settle for what they have. I could have settled for this girlfriend that I had, she wanted to marry me but I knew that I wanted more out of a partner and I knew that I needed space to figure things out. Here's a good mantra: "I am constructing my own reality independent from the opinions of others." 

 

I am very passionate about this because you are in a unique situation that most people cannot relate to. I want you to first and foremost accept yourself as you are and accept the choices that you've made in your life that have brought you here. As a 31 year old single man, you are actually in a very good situation, you are way ahead of the competition maturity wise and much closer to God, which an actual woman of quality will be able to appreciate. Give yourself grace and stop caring what other people think about you.

Edited 1 hour ago by Spiritual Warrior