The Brutality of Dating & Broken Illusions

[TheGod]

The last time I saw my father when I was 4 years, therefore I never got to have a proper masculine figure in my childhood. I was raised by my mom and my grandmother who basically made me into a good-guy, whose job was pleasing them and never make them upset about anything. I think somehow I was reminding my mom and my granny about my father so they would always try to bring him up to pin point my bad behavior. 

From the stories about my dad that my mom told me, he was an irresponsible fuck-boy. When I was very little he would disappear for days to see other women and didn't give a fuck about me or about my mom. So I was programmed to subconsciously believe that men are the issue and the women are all good and flowers and all suffering that couples suffer is mostly caused by these "bad" men. I genuinely felt compassion towards women and of course I idealized them.

When I hit teenage years I wasn't seen by girls, which was very surprising to me because I was trying to be nice with them, but it wasn't like I was pretending to be nice, I genuinely was nice to them. Instead, the girls were crazy about the guys from my class who were making jokes, laughing loudly or doing boxing. Some of them had Police visits as well. I felt lonely because I wanted attention because of my childhood experiences where I always needed my mom's attention. But she was busy proving herself through sleeping with random guys she would meet at the restaurant where she worked as a server.

Anyways, in my early twenties I started reading books about pick-up and watch videos (but not too intensely). I even started approaching women but I only approached like 200 women in my life (which is not that much). Again, all this time I had been believing that women are perfect creatures and are good but they just have no luck because of bad men. Nevertheless, all my female friends were crazy about guys who were toxic and didn't give a fuck about them. 

I have a friend of mine, he is a close friend but he suffers sexual addiction. I think he has slept at least with a few hundreds women or even more. Every time I ask him how he does it he tells me the stories. The key point in his perspective is he sees women as walking vaginas and if one says no he doesn't care. 

Lately, I was finally able to crack my view on women and a few days ago it was a very painful realization. I realized that my idealization of women was very far from being truth and women I was so longing for were only real in my imagination. 

Women like confidence, lead and masculinity, especially in the beginning. They need it to develop attraction. Once they develop it they need all the other qualities society is talking about being nice. But before that if you are just nice you are a looser. This is the truth. 
It hurts me a lot because my authentic personality is very soft, emotional and compassionate. I am 28 but I sleep with a baby cow toy I bought a few years ago (she's very cute) and I like watching movies about love or listening taylor swift and I also cry easily if something touches my heart. I am not a stone, I am water. 
I am not playing victim here, I am facing the truth that most of the women have never been attracted to these soft qualities of mine and never will be. They need a knight with a sword but not a guy who sleeps with a baby cow and imagines his ideal gf. 
I do feel hate about it, but I can't hate women for what they are because it was me who had wrong perception of them. And they are not evil. From survival perspective it makes a lot of sense. It's the same as for men not being attracted to visually unattractive women, no matter how good as a person she is. 

I have a colleague at work and she is a very nice girl, she has all the qualities guys would want in a girlfriend, but her looks are bellow average so she's also single. And I feel for her, because she also longs for relationship but can't find a guy.

  

[Raze]

Read no more mr nice guy, way of the superior man, and alabaster girl

Tell your coworker to get a professional photo shoot and make a hinge and bumble account, she’ll get dozens of offers even if she isn’t that attractive 

Edited 5 hours ago by Raze

[TheGod]

12 minutes ago, Raze said:

Read no more mr nice guy, way of the superior man, and alabaster girl

Tell your coworker to get a professional photo shoot and make a hinge and bumble account, she’ll get dozens of offers even if she isn’t that attractive 

I read no more Mr. Nice guy and the way of the superior man few years ago. Nice books. 

My coworker has given up on dating after having dated a few assholes. 

Her first bf who was also her first sex told all of their friends how inexperienced she was in bed and it was her first time. Fucking asshole.  

 

[gengar]

Honest question: How do you walk this earth for 28 years as a man and only just recently realized that women are offput by a grown men sleeping with a toy?

[TheGod]

20 minutes ago, gengar said:

Honest question: How do you walk this earth for 28 years as a man and only just recently realized that women are offput by a grown men sleeping with a toy?

See I value authenticity so if women feel repulsed by me sleeping with a toy I can't help it because I am who I am even if it kills some dating opportunities for me. 

[gengar]

3 minutes ago, TheGod said:

See I value authenticity so if women feel repulsed by me sleeping with a toy I can't help it because I am who I am even if it kills some dating opportunities for me. 

Sure, but I'd actually agree with a woman for not wanting to be with such a man since a man who sleeps with a toy probably doesn't have the balls and/or ability to protect her from physical intruders and threats. Dating is about survival.

You do you bro, but this world is not really cut out for the weak and frail. I hope you become stronger. Not that you have to let go of all soft qualities, but you're taking it quite far IMO.

[TheGod]

17 minutes ago, gengar said:

You do you bro, but this world is not really cut out for the weak and frail. I hope you become stronger. Not that you have to let go of all soft qualities, but you're taking it quite far IMO.

I value Integrity as well and what it means for me is to have personal qualities actualized and pronounced in the self even if they are polar. 

My softness is part of my personality and it doesn't exclude my strength. 

If you think that softness and vulnerability is the same as being weak and frail but you just fall into assumptions. 

Edited 4 hours ago by TheGod

[Raze]

2 hours ago, TheGod said:

I read no more Mr. Nice guy and the way of the superior man few years ago. Nice books. 

My coworker has given up on dating after having dated a few assholes. 

Her first bf who was also her first sex told all of their friends how inexperienced she was in bed and it was her first time. Fucking asshole.  

 

Reread them or listen to talks from the authors, you need to integrate the ideas more.

[TheGod]

8 minutes ago, Raze said:

Reread them or listen to talks from the authors, you need to integrate the ideas more.

I definitely will, because I read these books 7 years ago 

[Elliott]

There's different types of women, you're targeting bimbos instead of self-respecting women.

[TheGod]

4 minutes ago, Elliott said:

There's different types of women, you're targeting bimbos instead of self-respecting women.

I need to approach more women to be able to filter out bimbos 

[Elliott]

4 minutes ago, TheGod said:

I need to approach more women to be able to filter out bimbos 

Any unnatural approach will be shut down by self respecting women. Just go socialize. 

Edited 2 hours ago by Elliott

[TheGod]

25 minutes ago, Elliott said:

Any unnatural approach will be shut down by self respecting women. Just go socialize. 

Natural approach isn't something universal and depends on the society you're currently finding yourself. 

My approach is natural in specific countries and continents where being direct is considered normal and not creepy. 
I'm moving to a county like that next October 

[Elliott]

24 minutes ago, TheGod said:

Natural approach isn't something universal and depends on the society you're currently finding yourself. 

My approach is natural in specific countries and continents where being direct is considered normal and not creepy. 
I'm moving to a county like that next October 

By natural I mean not trying to date her or get to know her. Not trying. Think of chick flicks, it's like one of you need helps with something out in public and the other helps, some unrealistic unlikely scenario. That's why I said just socialize. Has there ever been a chick flick where she falls for a PUA?

Edited 1 hour ago by Elliott